Page 23 of Grave Kisses
Oh God…
Marcus saw me naked…
The scars… I never let anyone see them. I let my guard down, and now someone has seen the hideous reminder of what Archer did to me. The video is one thing, but this? This is live and in person. This is physical evidence of my trauma. No one… and I meanno onehas seen the scars.
I am off the bed and hobbling to the bathroom to grab my clothes when the bedroom door comes open. “What are you… Kendra? What’s wrong?”
“I need to go. I’ll get a hotel and just be out of the way. I can’t…” I say tearfully.
“Slow down. Come sit for a second,” Marcus says gently.
“No!” I yell at him. “You don’t get it. No one fucking gets it.”
“Then explain it, Kendra. Tell me so I know.”
“I can’t do this. This isn’t me. I’m not this person who… No one sees them and you… I can’t… Fuck, I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe?!” I am suddenly hyperventilating as I cry, which only makes it worse. I am watching the world spin around me as I spiral hard and fast, and I no longer recognize myself. I’ve lost everything, and now all I have left are the memories of what I built and how far I had come. The apartment was the first place I called home when I moved out of Alan’s home, and now it’s gone. Now he is gone. It’s all… gone.
Marcus manages to get me to lie in the bed. I am on my belly with my head in my arms as I sob. “What happened?” I hear Bellamy ask.
“It’s just all hitting her at once. She’s okay,” Marcus says. He’s rubbing my back as he sits beside me, and it’s the only thing anchoring me right now. My body is violently trembling, and I can’t make myself calm down. I’m trying, but I’ve fallen too far.
“Can you hear me, Kendra?” Marcus asks gently.
“Y-Yes,” I sniffle. “I’m sor—”
“Shhh. I'm going to help you relax. Just focus on my touch. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whimper.
Marcus moves up on his knees and slides his hands up my back below my shirt. His hands are huge and warm. His other hand is on my back now, and he presses his thumbs to either side of my spine and presses in as he rubs up. I am relaxing, but then his hands slide back down. His hands wrap around me, and he digs his fingers into the bends of my hips. The most unhinged and feral moan comes out of me as my body tenses. I grip onto the blanket and move up to my elbows as I try to fight the urge to rock my hips.
Marcus stops and slides his palms up my back to gently knead my shoulders, exposing my back entirely.
The scars.
He can see them.
No one can know how broken I am.
No one will want me like this.
“Marcus,” I say tearfully.
“Why are you crying, Kendra? What triggered this?” he asks, continuing to massage my shoulders.
“The scars,” I choke out. “No one has seen them.”
Marcus pulls the shirt off me entirely but pushes me flat on the bed so I can’t escape him. “Stop and listen, Kendra,” he says.“I’m going to explain something, and I just want you to listen. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“These scars are a reminder that you survived. They are the raw and unfiltered truth about what you endured. What you grew from. They are a part of you now, Kendra,” Marcus says as he traces the scars with his fingers. Most of them came from when Archer sliced my body open with a pocketknife. Some are from hitting me with an extension cord so hard that my skin split open. I screamed so loud and for so long that I completely lost my voice for a while. Even after, my voice was raspy for days. “We will teach you how to love every mark on your beautiful body, Kendra. Do you want that too?”
“Yes,” I admit, far calmer than before.
“Roll and face me, please,” he says, taking his hands off me. I don’t move for a second, but eventually I manage to roll to my back. I keep my eyes squeezed shut, and I am desperately trying to not cry again.
“Fucking perfect,” Bellamy grunts.
