Page 28 of Grave Kisses
“I’m okay,” I say quietly.
“Kendra,” Marcus sighs. “You haven’t eaten all day.”
“Fine,” I grumble, knowing he won’t give up. Plus, I want them to have at least a few positive memories with them before I die. Maybe it will help them find closure too.
I walk past Marcus and go upstairs. When I get to the top, I see far more people than I expected. Martin, Noel, Julie, and Jesse are here. Bellamy is standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I turn to go back downstairs when I realize this is set up, but Marcus catches me.
“Move,” I say simply.
“No. Sit,” he says, matching my deadpan tone.
“Move out of my way!” I yell at him.
“Sit down,” Marcus says with a grave tone.
“Fuck you,” I growl. “Get the fuck out of my way.”
“Sit. Down.”
“Why don’t you fucking make me, asshole?” I yell again. I don’t know why I’m so pissed off, but I know they’re going to try and force me to talk. They’ve been asking a lot lately what’s bothering me. Marcus suddenly picks me up and throws me over his shoulder before carrying me through the kitchen and to the living room. When he drops me to my feet, he catches my wrist as I go to smack him. I am fuming, and I don’t know why. I can feel the inevitable spiral coming, and I don’t want that. If I fall apart, their comfort will break me, and they will find out my plan.
“Get pissed off all you want, but I still give a fuck about you,” Marcus says.
“Well, don’t,” I say, pulling away and stepping back. “Just leave me alone. Let me go.”
“Let you go where?” Bellamy asks.
Fuck.
“Stop caring. Stop trying to be close to me. Just leave me alone,” I say. “I don’t even want to be here.”
“Where would you rather be?” Bellamy asks.
“Anywhere else,” I lie.
“Alright,” Martin says. “Here’s what’s happening. I don’t give a fuck if you get mad at me. I hope you do, actually, but it’s still happening. You are going to sit down and talk to us, or Jesse is filing the paperwork for an involuntary commitment.”
“You’re kidding,” I deadpan.
“Not at all. If you think for one fucking second we don’t know what’s happening, you aren’t nearly as smart as I thought,” he retorts.
“Fuck you, Martin. Fuck all of you. Why does anyone give a shit anyway? Marcus fucking wanted me gone, so why not just let me go?”
“You think killing yourself is going to keep us safe?” Marcus asks. “He will not stop until he is caught or killed. He feels entitled to CyberSafe, and we are all in the way.”
“I’m done,” I say. “No one can make me stay here. Fuck all of you.”
I turn and manage to get past everyone. When I get to the basement door, I hear one of them coming up behind me. Instead of just talking, I yank the door open and run down the stairs.
You see… I’ve always been clumsy. I can trip on air, fall upstairs, and evidently throw myself down them also. Halfway down, myfoot catches, and down I go. Everyone collectively yells my name as I tumble down the stairs. When I reach the bottom, I roll to my back with I have my hands over my face and I am laughing so hard that I sound like I am crying. My hands are pulled down, and Marcus smiles at me.
“You are the clumsiest person I have ever met, you know that?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say, still laughing. It’s not humor, though. It’s the irony. I intended to throw myself off a bridge into a shallow river in just a few days, but here I am, bouncing down the stairs like an unrestrained ball.
“Deep breath, sweetie. Relax for a second,” he says, seeing through my bullshit and understanding that I am on the verge of actually sobbing. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, relaxing a bit. “Good girl. Did you hit your head?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
