Page 62 of Howl for Me
She turns back to her mirror, running her fingers through her dark waves, tilting her head to admire herself. I hesitate, gripping the dress. Does she expect me to change right here?
Lori catches my wide-eyed expression in the reflection and smirks. “Oh, shit. Sorry, the bathroom's down the hall to the right.”
I let out a nervous laugh and nod, clutching the fabric like a lifeline as I make my way down the dimly lit hallway. Thebathroom is small, the kind with pink tile and an old sink that drips faintly. I shut the door behind me and hold up the dress, my reflection staring back at me in the mirror.
Panic creeps up my spine. I can’t wear this. It’s short and tight. The kind of thing my mother would have a goddamn stroke over. But then again… she’s not here. Neither is my father.I press my lips together, something rebellious sparking in my chest. I can wear this. I can do whatever the hell I want. I left home for a reason. If I want to fit into this wild, glittering city, I need to stop hiding behind my old life. I need to be bold. I need to be the woman I’ve always had to reign in for other people’s feelings.
I take a deep breath and slip into the dress. The fabric hugs all the right places, the hem scandalously high on my thighs. It even has small pockets hidden at the sides. I barely recognize myself. But when I look in the mirror? I don’t see the scared girl who got off the bus anymore. I see Cassidy, the girl who just might make it here.
Lori’s slow clap is the first thing I hear when I re-enter the room. “You are fine, girl! Now you don’t look like one of those tourists anymore.”
I laugh nervously. “This is so nice of you, thank you.”
She waves it off, striding over to me with that confident, almost predatory grace. She pulls the elastic from my ponytail, letting my hair fall in soft, blonde waves. “You’re something beautiful, Cassidy,” she says, staring me down with an intensity that sends a rush of warmth through me. “Now, let’s go have some fun.”
She grabs my arm and leads me toward the door. About twenty minutes later, we are pulling up to what looks like a party. A party. I'm not sure I'm ready for a party. The house is big, not in a flashy way but in a laid-back way. It’s the kind of place you’d expect to find on a movie set; soft, golden lighting spilling from vintage lamps, and the smell of incense and perfume mixingwith the faint hint of something burning. The backyard stretches out, lit by the soft glow of pool lights that flicker like the stars in the sky. A soft, dreamy haze envelops the whole place. People are everywhere, scattered in clumps, drinking, talking, laughing like time doesn’t exist. Music hums in the background from an old record player playing something jazzy and smooth.
I feel out of place, like I stumbled into a world I was never meant to be in. My nerves are all tied up in knots. Doubt starts to creep in. Can I really fit in with these people?
Lori notices how jittery I am, and I feel her hand on my wrist, light and confident. “You okay, babe?” she asks, her voice warm, teasing.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I lie, forcing a smile. “Just a little... nervous.”
She gives me a sideways glance, raising an eyebrow. “Honey, relax. We’re gonna have fun. And you’re gonna meet some people tonight, alright? Just breathe.”
I nod, trying to take in her words. She’s so at ease, so sure of herself. I can barely remember the last time I felt like I belonged somewhere. She guides me through the crowd, people nodding as we pass, and I try not to stare too much at the groupings of people looking so comfortable in their own skin. I feel like the odd one out, but Lori is here, pulling me along with her, and somehow that makes it a little easier.
“All right, sweetie,” Lori purrs, looping her arm through mine as she steers me through the low thrum of music and chatter. She guides me toward a couch tucked into a sunken living room, where two guys are deep in some rambling conversation, their words tumbling over one another like lazy waves. A strange-looking cigarette passes back and forth between their fingers like it’s no big deal. No one around seems to care.
The guy on the left catches my eye first; he’s got a thick mustache that curls just slightly at the ends and a red paisley headband pushing back a mess of dark hair tied into a lazyponytail. He leans back like he’s made of velvet and bones. The other guy has a wild mop of frizzy curls and a grin that makes you feel like you’ve already shared a joke you don’t remember telling. His eyes crinkle like he’s been laughing for hours. Lori slips onto the armrest of the couch like it’s her throne, one leg crossed elegantly over the other, her fingers trailing casually along the one guy’s shoulder. She glances at the two men with that slow, knowing smirk she seems to wear like perfume.
“Boys,” she drawls, her voice syrupy-sweet, “this is my new neighbor, Cassidy.”
She winks at me. “Cass, meet Reggie and Teddy.”
Reggie turns his head slowly, like he’s underwater, and gives me a once-over that doesn’t feel gross; just... curious. His eyes are sleepy but kind, and when he speaks, his voice is gravel and molasses.
“Welcome to Hollywood, babe,” he says with a grin. I let out a nervous chuckle and brush a piece of hair behind my ear, suddenly hyper-aware of how new I am to all this; the music, the scene, the people who seem to float through life like they’re dancing.
Lori leans in close to Teddy, whispering like she’s telling him a delicious secret. “My new friend here needs a little something to take the edge off. She’s wound tighter than a preacher’s daughter.”
Teddy wiggles his brows. “Say no more.”
He holds out the joint, smoke curling from the tip in lazy spirals. “Here you go, gorgeous. Take a hit.”
My hand twitches like it wants to reach for it, but I rub the back of my neck instead. “Uh... I’ve never actually—” I start, my voice small, unsure. “I’ve never smoked before. Not even once.”
Reggie chuckles softly and kindly. “First time for everything, right?”
The scent hits me fully now; earthy, a little burnt, and weirdly… like a puppy’s breath, and it makes my nose wrinkle as I breathe it in.
“I dunno…” I murmur, still hovering awkwardly.
Lori tilts her head, those big brown eyes sparkling with mischief. “What’s the worst that could happen? You laugh a little too much? Eat someone’s chips?”
Everyone chuckles; even me. I look down at the joint, still smoldering gently in Teddy’s fingers, and then back at their expectant faces. They don’t pressure me; they just wait. I glance at Lori, and then back at Teddy, who’s still holding out the joint with an expectant look. My heart is racing, but I know I can’t back down. This is what I came here for, right? To do something different, to step outside my comfort zone.
“Alright,” I say, my voice just a little too high-pitched. I take the joint from Teddy’s fingers, feeling a little silly, but also kind of excited in a way I can’t really explain. I bring it to my lips and inhale, trying to be cool about it. The smoke burns my throat, and I cough almost immediately. “Oh God,” I choke out, my eyes watering. “That’s... that’s a little rough.”
