Page 24 of Coming In Hot
Pharo grunts, obviously annoyed, but doesn’t say anything more. The silence stretches on, thick and awkward, until he breaks it with a deep exhale. “So, what’s this all about? You said we needed to talk... and I can’t imagine it’s about your undying affection for me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I snap, trying to ignore the way my heart rate picks up at the sound of his voice. “We need to talk about you. And what the hell is going on with you.”
He meets my eyes for a brief moment, and I see something flicker there—something raw and a little too honest, before he turns away again. “Yeah? Well, I don’t exactly feel like talking, Jax. But go ahead. Ask your questions.”
I open my mouth, but nothing escapes—my throat tightens, holding everything back. I know what I want to say, but I can’t force it out. There’s so much more than justhim. It’s about me, too—about the shit I’ve been carrying, the things I’ve buried under layers of sarcasm and denial.
Instead, I go with the obvious. “Why haven’t you been answering my messages, Pharo? What the hell is going on?”
Brewer steps into the office, taking the seat across from us. “Thank you for being patient while I took a phone call. Let’s get started. Jax, we met last week, and I suggested we all sit down together. There’s a lot that needs to be communicated between the two of you, and I understand you’re struggling with that.”
Way to understate it, Brewer.
Pharo’s gaze flicks to Brewer, then back to me, and I can feel the tension in the air like a live wire ready to snap. This isn’t what I had in mind when I agreed to this meeting. I wanted answers, not some half-hearted therapy session. But Brewer doesn’t seem to care about my discomfort, nor does he seem to notice how Pharo’s fists are clenching in his lap.
“I don’t need to talk,” Pharo mutters, not bothering to hide the frustration in his voice. “I don’t need to share anything with him, Brewer. This isn’t some team debriefing. This is personal. And you know damn well I don’t do personal.”
Brewer leans forward, the chair creaking under his weight. “Pharo, this isn’t just about you anymore. It’s about both of you, and you’re both letting your personal shit get in the way of doing what needs to be done.”
I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms. I’m pissed.I’m always pissedwhen Pharo pulls this shit, shutting down, pretending like none of this matters. But the truth is, itdoesmatter. And I’m not walking away from this without answers.
Pharo’s eyes flash, and for a second, I think he might lash out. But then his shoulders sag, just a little. He peers down at his hands like he’s trying to figure out what to do with them, then drags a hand over his face, exhausted.
“I’m not fine, Jax,” he says quietly, the first honest words he’s spoken in what feels like forever. “But you don’t get it. You won’t.”
Brewer stays silent, watching the two of us like he’s trying to piece together a puzzle he’s only been half informed of. I can feel Pharo’s vulnerability creeping into the space between us. And for the first time, I realize I might actually have no idea whathe’sbeen going through. Maybe I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit that I forgot how much he’s been carrying.
“Let me start by saying how sorry I am for dragging you into my bullshit the other night,” Pharo says, his voice rough, like he’s just swallowed a handful of gravel.
I blink, taken aback. The last thing I expected was an apology, especially from him. Apologizing is something Pharo doesn’t do. He doesn’tneedto apologize in his mind, not for the shit he’s done, not for the shit he’s been through. But here he is, sitting beside me like he's willing to show a crack in the armor.
I don’t respond right away. I just watch him, waiting for the rest of it to come, wondering if there’s more coming that I didn’t expect.
“I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit I don’t know how to talk about,” Pharo continues, his eyes focused on the floor. “And I fucked up. I was drunk, I was angry, and I pushed my way into your space. You didn’t deserve that. Not after everything. And... I guess I’m just tired of pretending I’ve got it all under control.”
My breath catches in my throat. This isn’t the Pharo I’m used to. This isn’t the guy who shuts everyone out, keeps the walls up like a fortress. This guy... is human. Maybe even a little broken, like the rest of us. And it hits me harder than I expect.
“Pharo…” I start, but he cuts me off before I can finish.
“No, Jax,” he says, shaking his head, his voice heavy with regret. “You’re right. I’m responsible for Jordan’s death, to a degree. Ultimately, he took his own life, but I was in charge. He trusted me to pull the brakes when his bullshit went too far, and I looked the other way.”
The guilt in his voice, seeping through every word—it’s impossible to miss. He’s not just blaming himself; he’s acknowledging the burden he carries, the responsibility he never let go of. And I get it. I know exactly what he means. How you can be responsible for so much, even if you weren’t the one to pull the trigger.
Pharo raises his head, his eyes bloodshot, like he hasn’t slept in days. “I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t there when it counted.”
I don’t know if we’re talking about Jordan or Arlo, whoever that is.
“You’re talking about both of them, aren’t you?” I ask, though I already know the answer.
Pharo doesn’t respond right away, his gaze dropping to the floor like the thoughts are too heavy for him to speak. But I know. I can feel it in the tension in his shoulders, the way his jaw clenches as if even acknowledging it would be too much to bear.
“I tried,” he mutters, his voice raw. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve?—”
I hold up a hand, cutting him off before the spiral gets any deeper. “You have no business running missions and taking responsibility for others after the shit with Jordan!”
Pharo’s jaw tightens, his eyes narrowing, but I don’t back down. My voice sharpens, fueled by the frustration I’ve been carrying around since finding out about Greystone.
“I don’t give a damn if you think you’re ready to jump back in, Pharo. You’re not,” I say, each word landing heavier than the last. “YoufailedJordan. And now you’re walking around like you’re some kind of hero in this broken story—but you’re not. You want redemption? You think stepping into a mission is going to fix what you did?”
