Page 75 of Coming In Hot
There it is. The truth, laid bare and buzzing in the open air like a live wire. My heart’s pounding, and I’m met with the reaction I expected most. Silence.
Jax blinks once, slowly. His hands flex on his knees, like he’s holding himself back from something.
“Not only did I fuck up with Jordan,” I say, voice rough, “I fucked up with Jax. See, we had a thing simmering between us. An attraction we had to deny—but it was there, beneath everything. And I hurt him. Bad. The kind of hurt you don’t come back from. The kind you don’t forgive.”
Jax doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t speak. But his hands curl into fists on his knees, and I know he’s hearing every word.
“I shut him out. After everything went down with Jordan, I couldn’t look at him without seeing my own failure. So I pretended he meant nothing. Like none of it ever happened.”
Still no reaction from Jax—but the muscle in his jaw ticks, and that silence? It’s louder than a scream.
A bitter laugh slips out of me. “But then Jax gets this hair up his ass to move to some nowhere town smack dab in the mountains because he needs help but won’t let himself ask for it. And I feel this undeniable need to follow him. To keep an eye on him—since, you know, I’m the one who put him in that bad spot.”
I glance at him, but he’s still stone-faced. Still unreadable.
“So here we both are—too close for comfort and too damn stubborn to talk about it.”
The room is dead silent, the kind of quiet that settles in your bones. My heart’s thudding like I’ve just sprinted a mile, but I keep my gaze steady.
“I thought maybe being here, around people who get it, might help him. Might help me, too. But instead, we’ve just been circling each other like live grenades.”
Jax finally raises his head, eyes burning. “You followed me?”
“Yeah,” I admit. “Not proud of it. Not ashamed, either. The fuck do you think I’m here for? Do I look like a Balls Buddy to you?”
West and Mandy snicker. All eyes volley back and forth between me and Jax like they’re watching a tennis match.
“But you can only milk a grenade for so long before it explodes in your face—and Jax and I finally exploded. It wasn’t dramatic. No yelling, no fists. Just a quiet night, too much whiskey, and years of tension finally snapping like a tripwire. We said things we shouldn’t have. Didn’t say the things we should’ve. And somewhere between the silences and the stares, we crossed a line we can’t uncross. For weeks, every time I looked at him, I saw the fallout—his pain, my guilt, and that goddamn spark that never went out, no matter how hard we tried to smother it. And trust me, Jax really fucking tried.”
Finally, a crack in his exterior! A grin.
“With Brewer’s help, we came to an understanding about some things and got some much-needed clarity.” I pause, locking eyes with Jax, my voice hard but honest. “I’m not here to rewrite history.” I take a breath and push through. “I’m trying to make sure we don’t repeat it.”
His hard expression softens, and he swallows, nodding. For once in our miserable history, Jax and I are on the same page.
“See, the thing about Jax is, not only is he a monumental pain in the ass, but he won't back down when he thinks he's right. And Jax always thinks he's right. It’s fucking infuriating. Exhausting. Occasionally impressive. But mostly, it just makes me want to throttle him.”
Snickers from the guys who know him best. They know I’m not telling lies.
“But he's not the same man he was four years ago, either. I never thought I’d see the day Jax could forgive me—but that’s exactly what he did.”
Fuck. I didn’t mean to let my eyes water.
I didn’t realize talking about it would hit me this hard.
Breathing in through my nose, I clear the sniffles and take a slow, steadying breath. No one says a word. They just… let me have this moment.
“I'm sorry as hell that I broke the group rule by fighting with Jax the other day. I can’t apologize enough for that—but I won’t take it back. Because of that punch? It led to a new beginning. One that's been four years in the making.”
I pause for effect.
“I won't get another chance with him. So I better fucking make this one count for all it’s worth.”
Getting to my feet, I cross the room and take the empty chair beside Jax—the one I wanted to sit in before Riggs separated us.
With my heart in my throat, I hold out my hand.
And Jax slips his into mine.
