Page 26 of Hodge
“Go to bed.”
“No. Tell me. Please.” I bite my lip as I look at him, waiting for him to give me another piece of himself. I don’t know why I want it. Maybe it’s because I see something as broken in him that he sees in me. Maybe we’re two messed-up hearts just trying to find our way in this world.
“Yeah, a woman.”
“What happened?”
“I happened!”
“I need more than that,” I tell him. Now he looks up at me with glossy eyes, as if he’s remembering every single thing that tore him apart.
“She was younger than me, had a little girl. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a dad, but I liked her. I brought her into the club life. She loved it. Every fuckin’ second of it, and so did that little girl of hers. They found their family here. One day Becky begged me to teach her to ride, so I did. She got good at it, too. I woke up one mornin’ and heard the rev of my bike outside, and I thought it was kind of strange, yeah? I wasn’t on it. I got up and dressed as quick as I could, and rushed outside thinkin’ someone was stealin’ it. Well, Becky was on it with Cheryl, her little girl. I remember callin’ her name, and she looked over with sadness in her eyes. I knew that was it. I knew she was tryin’ to get away from me, from the club, but she wasn’t a trained rider,” he says as emotions fill his eyes. My heart is breaking. I can almost picture what happens next, and it’s killing me to listen to him tell me. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him.
I raise my hand to stop him, but he shakes his head.
“You wanted it. You’re gettin’ it.”
“No. Just stop.”
“I saw the look and I knew, yeah? This was it. This was her way out. I started toward her, ready to tell her I’d get her a car, a ticket, anything she wanted if she didn’t try to ride that bike with Cheryl on it. She didn’t stop, though. She turned her head, ignored my screams, and took off out of here. I ran down the driveway behind her … she didn’t stop, or look, for that matter. She was hell bent on gettin’ the fuck out of here, that she pulled out in front of a truck. The impact threw them both. Strangely enough, they landed next to each other. Blood was comin’ out of every hole on Cheryl, her little head was …” I’m going to be sick. I can’t do this. I can’t hear this. I raise my hand to cover my mouth as he continues.
“They were gone. Both of them. There was no way they could have survived that. I begged her, though. I don’t fuckin’ know why. She didn’t want me, want this life. But I still fuckin’ begged her to stay with me. I begged her to be with me, to just hold on.” He reaches up and wipes a stray tear from his cheek before scratching at his jaw.
“That’s the reason, Kemah. That’s why I can’t fuck you without keepin’ you, and that’s why I can’t keep you.” With that, he turns and leaves me a sobbing mess in the room alone.
Chapter 13
Hodge
I regret telling her. I regret spilling my fucking guts to Kemah because she barely knows me, and I barely know her. Is it enough that someone came back for you? Someone didn’t let you lie there alone? Is that enough to truly know someone’s heart? Maybe I’m just so fucked in the head that I want to believe that shit. But I won’t let myself believe that shit. I’m going to do what I said I would do and find out what the hell is going on with her. I’m going to make shit right, and then I’m going to end that little piece of shit boyfriend of hers because that’s something I can do right.
“Can we talk?” Kemah asks.
“No.”
“Hodge, you can’t keep avoiding me.”
“When you want to tell me more about that bastard of a boyfriend, we’ll talk,” I tell her as I tip my beer to my lips.
“What you said …”
“Meant nothin’. Let’s leave it at that.”
“It meant … it meant everything,” she argues. I turn my head to look over at her before shaking it.
“No. You wanted an answer and I gave it to you,” I remind her.
“That isn’t fair.”
“Neither is life.”
“You can’t keep doing this to me. It’s been months, Hodge.”
“Months of you keepin’ your little secrets after I told you mine. You wanna talk about fair, Kemah? How fuckin’ fair is that shit?” I snap at her. My dad walks over and stands next to her, looking between us.
“Somethin’ I need to know?” he asks.
“Nope.”
