Page 45 of Hodge
“You have?” I ask, looking at her now.
“Yeah, I have. It’s never easy knowing the person you care about is going to something you find stupid, but that’s how these guys are. It’s who they are. They were raised to be this, to do this.”I don’t get it. How are you raised to want to kill? I mean, I’ve thought about it with Jake, but I would never actually do it. At least I don’t think I would.
“It’s murder,” I tell her.
“In your mind, it is. Not in theirs. In their mind, it’s making something right. Do you honestly think Hodge would let it go? That he would turn the other way after he found out? Your dad sent you off to be used and abused and then helped Jake to do it again.”
“That doesn’t mean he has to kill them! Fuck, he could just stay away from them, right?” Kiki laughs and shakes her head.
“Not a chance in hell. That’s not how things are done around here. They get revenge, and they make things right. How would you feel if your dad did this to another girl? Or Jake tied another girl to the dresser?” I sigh now.
“I wouldn’t want that. It would kill me to know that was happening to someone else,” I admit.
“Exactly.”
“But what if they get caught?” Kiki giggles again.
“You have a lot to learn, Kemah, and I’m here to help you. They have cops,” she tells me.
“What do you mean?”
“They pay cops off.”
“Just like that? They just pay them to look the other way?” I ask, not sure I’m understanding her correctly.
“Just like that. You know how they say to keep your enemies close? What better way to do that than keeping a few cops in your back pocket?” she says. It makes sense, I suppose.
“It just feels all wrong,” I add without seeing Hodge walk over.
“What feels wrong?”
“She doesn’t like what you’re going to do.”
“Doesn’t matter, it’s happenin’.” Now I look up at him and nod my head slowly. He’s not going to listen to me. He’s not going, not to do it just because I said I didn’t want him to.
My stomach cramps as I think about it, but Hodge reaches out his hand, holding it there, offering it to me. With a sigh, I reach out and slip my hand into his before he helps me up and leads me toward the door. He grabs our jackets, passing me mine, and I slip it on. I follow Hodge out of the clubhouse and out into the cold night air. Snow flurries float around us, and I can’t stop the slight smile that crosses my face when I see them.
“You like the snow?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“Not when it’s ten feet deep,” he chuckles. I laugh along with him before he steps closer to me, cupping my cheek in his hand. “I get it, Kemah. This is all new to you, and it’s gonna take time to get used to things here.”
“It’s murder, Hodge. It’s not just that you’re going to beat them up,” I say. He nods his head.
“I know that.”
“It’s illegal. And if you’re caught, you’re going to prison,” I add. He smiles and licks his lips.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere, darlin’. I’m gonna handle this shit, and then we’re gonna be together. We’re gonna learn more about each other, we’re gonna live, Kemah. Together.”
“Together,” I repeat the word softly, not truly believing it.
“Yeah, together.”
“I’m scared, Hodge.”
“I know you are, but I promise this isn’t gonna take long, and then it’ll all be over, yeah?” He looks into my eyes, and there’s nothing more to say. He takes my breath away.
