Page 90 of Lethal Devotion
Like she needs to be.
I don’t quite make it all the way there.
Halfway down the hall, I pass Valentina, coming out of the sitting room. I start to walk past her, but she puts a hand on my forearm as I go by, and it’s enough to make me stop.
I look at her, feeling tension wind through me at the look on her face. “What?” I snap, more tersely than I would normally speak to her, but she’s unflappable. She just shakes her head, leaning back against the wall as she looks at me.
“You need to pull your head out of your ass, Damian.”
“What?” I stare at her, and she raises an eyebrow.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“If this is about Sienna?—”
“It is.” She looks at me, and there’s no small amount of empathy in her gaze, which makes me somehow feel worse. “I helped her go shopping for the two of you.”
“I figured.” There was no way Sienna pulled that off on her own. “You should have discouraged her.”
“Why?” Valentina looks at me squarely. “Because you’re afraid of what happens if you let yourself feel something for her?”
“I’m not having this conversation.” I start to keep walking, but Valentina’s voice stops me again.
“I get it, Damian. I do. You forget, I was a killer, too.Ama killer. People like us, we’re not taught how to love. How to have relationships. Our lives are a ticking clock from the first job we take. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to open up to Konstantin, toadmit how I felt for him? To let myself think I could behappy?” She scoffs. “That idea was foreign to me. I had to fight for it.Learnhow to let myself feel it. Trust that Konstantin would love me even when I wasn’t the most lovable.”
I shake my head. “Sure, Valentina. You’re right. We’re a lot alike. But Konstantin and Sienna arenothingalike. You’re a contract killer who married a Bratvapakhan. He gets violence and blood, his whole life has been that, too. You understand each other. Sienna—” I take a slow breath. “Sienna is innocent. She’s not a part of this life. It’s not the same thing at all.”
“She’s stronger than you think she is,” Valentina says softly.
I draw in another breath, shaking my head. “She shouldn’t have to be.”
And then, without another word, I continue down the hall to my office, leaving her there.
Konstantin finds me there an hour later, a frown creasing his brow as he takes in the reports scattered across my desk and the three empty coffee cups. "You look like shit," he says, settling into the chair across from my desk.
"Good morning to you too." I glare at him, but he says nothing, completely unruffled as always.
"Did you sleep at all last night?"
The answer is no, I didn't. I lay awake staring at the ceiling, replaying every moment of what happened with Sienna, wondering if I could have handled it differently. Wondering why the thought of her hating me makes me feel like someone's carved out my chest with a dull knife.
Someone tried that once, on one of the few occasions that someone has gotten the upper hand on me, in a job gone wrong some years ago. It didn’t work, and somehow, this hurts more.
"I've been working," I say instead, motioning to the reports. “I had a call earlier with updates on Russo’s movements.”
Konstantin glances at the papers. “We know where he’ll be tomorrow night. The plan is solid, Damian. If anything, you should be resting, getting ready for a fight. This won’t be an easy mission.”
"There might be something we missed." I need a distraction, but I don’t say it aloud. If I walk around this mansion for the rest of the day and tomorrow without something to do, I’ll go fucking insane.
Or worse yet, go and tell Sienna that I made a mistake, and beg her to forgive me, dooming her in the process.
Konstantin grunts. "Or maybe you're trying to distract yourself from whatever happened between you and your wife last night."
I look up sharply. "What makes you think something happened?"
"The fact that she looked like she'd been crying at breakfast.” He looks at me pointedly. “I thought the marriage wasn’t real, Damian, but it looks like you had your first fight.”
Fuck.I should have known Konstantin would notice. He doesn't miss anything, especially when it comes to the people under his protection.
