Page 67 of The Jilted Lovers Club
“Not timeless at all,” Ashton jokes.
It’s the closest we’ve come to discussing this time limit we have. A week ago, when we first admitted our feelings, it became this unspoken rule that we didn’t talk about the end. We both know it’s coming, but to talk about it means facing the facts that we have an expiration date.
But the lack of discussion messes with my head.
What if this is just a way to pass the time for him? We’ve made good use of every night, sometimes wild and intense, sometimes so gentle it makes me want to cry. But I’m starting to like him in a way that clouds reality. It’s possible we’ll reach the end, and he’ll be fine while I’m an absolute wreck.
I want so badly to ask where Ashton’s head is at, if he’s as devastated by my pending departure as I am. I mean, I only have a few more days and he’s just sitting here, eating his chicken Alfredo, talking about the new calf as if the world isn’t ending.
“We finally came up with a name,” he says.
I force myself to be present, feigning interest on my face. “Oh yeah? What did you decide.”
“Sunflower. You know, because her mom is Petunia. All of Petunia’s babies are named after flowers. We had Morning Glory, Sweet Pea, and the twins, Dahlia and Daisy.”
Despite myself, I burst out laughing. Ashton looks confused.
“I’m sorry, but it’s so funny that you do that.” I shake my head. “Not because it’s weird, but because my family did that too. My grandmother named her daughters Poppy and Lillian, or Lily for short. She had this whole flower thing going on, which she fully expected her daughter to take on, and they rebelled against, since my name is Jordan and my cousin’s real name is Antonina. But Nina brought back the tradition with her daughter, Juniper. And I…” I pause, taking a deep breath. “Well, Violet would have been a part of it too.”
He reaches over and squeezes my hand. No words are needed, but his smile reaches me in a million warm ways. Then he pulls out his phone, and after a few moments, he grins.
“Apparently, your mom doesn’t know her flowers.”
He hands me the phone and I look at it. “Jordan” is the name of a particular fig-bearing Ficus. And then he shows me another called Monardella Antonina.
“You’ve got to be shitting me.” I laugh. “Nina is going to be thrilled when she hears about this.”
“You’ll have to invite Nina and Juniper to the farm so they can meet Sunflower and…”
He trails off, his face appearing frozen for a moment. He inhales sharply, then closes his eyes. When he looks back at me, it’s everything and nothing.
Because there won’t be time to invite any of my family to meet him, the cows, any of this.
There wouldn’t be a point.
That evening, we both put Lottie to bed. She kept asking us to read one more story, and even though I was tired, and I could see in Ashton’s face that he felt the same, neither one of us argued. We read until she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.
I brush my teeth first, watching myself in the mirror as my doubts play ping pong in my head. I can hear Ashton moving around on the other side of the door, shutting off lights and setting up the coffee for tomorrow morning. It’s all so routine, the predictability something I once would have considered mundane. Now, I find it comforting. In just these few short weeks, Ashton’s home, his routine, everything—it all makes me feel safe, like I’m finally home.
I wish more than anything I lived closer, at least close enough where Ashton and I could have a chance. But staying doesn’t make sense, Ashton isn’t a career plan. He’s a whisper of something that could be—if I’m willing to risk everything else. While I wish that was enough, it won’t pay my bills. It won’t fulfill the dreams I’ve worked so damn hard for.
My whole life is in New York. All the opportunities I’d hoped to achieve. All the connections I’m still courting. The chance to actually make something of myself.
Here in Lahoma Springs, I just don’t see how that can happen. If I stay…
I pause my brushing, just to linger on that thought for a moment.
If I stay…
“What are you thinking about?” Ashton slips behind me, looking at me in the mirror before kissing the nape of my neck. I feel the shiver go through me. The goosebumps. The electricity of his touch.
“I don’t know.” I rinse the toothbrush, suddenly too tired to play this game of pretend any longer. But I can’t voice what I’m thinking—mostly because I can’t make sense of what I want.Any changes I make have a flavor of forever, and I can’t tell if I’m thinking with a clear head, or from the impulse of a smitten heart. “Now that the shop is done, there’s just a lot to think about with the Grand Opening.”
Lies. Most of it is being handled by Alexander’s team. If it weren’t for that party, I’d be heading home now.
Ashton turns me around, his hands at my shoulders as he searches my eyes. “Is that all?”
“Is that all?” I repeat, stepping away from him, feeling my defenses well up in me. “As if that isn’t enough? This isn’t kid’s play, Ashton. It’s my job. I take it very seriously.”
