Page 73 of The Jilted Lovers Club
“She grew fast, didn’t she?”
“She doesn’t even look like the calf I saw last time.” She looks at me, her hand slipping from mine. “Can I pet her?” She peers at Petunia. “Will her mother get mad?”
I shake my head, letting loose a small laugh. “Nah, she’s about as tame as they come. She trusts all of us. Just move slow and don’t be afraid.”
Jordy nods, then approaches the two cows. With a cautious hand, she reaches out and smooths it over the calf’s reddish coat.
“She’s so soft!” She continues petting her, losing her apprehension as she also gives Petunia a scratch on her forehead.
“She’ll lose that in the spring, and will have a rougher coat by summer,” I say.
She’s quiet for a moment, her hand continuously running over the soft calf. But I can tell her mind is a million miles away.
Mine is a bit closer—about two weeks ago, bringing her out of a panic attack and ending up in my bedroom. The way we turned a corner without even trying.
“This isn’t just for fun,” I blurt out before I can stop myself. She turns, confusion flickering across her face, then something softer like understanding.
“Ashton, I—”
“No, let me speak. I know you leave the day after tomorrow, but I don’t know if I’m ready for this to be over.”
She sighs, stepping away from the cow to join me at the fence. “I have to go,” she says. “My home is there, my work, everything I’ve built.”
“I’m not asking you to stay,” I say, then I shake my head. “Actually, I’d ask you if I thought you would. But that’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if we can make this work.” I take her hand in mine, bring it to my chest. “We should be together, even long distance. I don’t care, I just want you however I can have you.”
She slides her hand out of mine and takes a step back. It’s like putting miles between us already.
“I’ve done the long-distance thing before,” she says.
I know she’s referring to Brayden, and it feels like a gut punch that she’d even compare what we have to that relationship. “This is different. You know that, Jordy. Don’t you feel it?”
She looks away and doesn’t say anything for a moment. Her eyes lift to the sky, and I see a flash of emotion cross her face. Just a flash, because when she faces me again, her mask is firmly in place.
“I can’t,” she says.
“Can’t what? Can’t feel it? Can’t try to make this work?”
She breathes out, then shakes her head. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“The truth!” My voice raises enough that Petunia startles just across the pen. “Do you really believe what we have is casual? Because from where I stand, it’s been everything.”
The pained look on Jordy’s face makes me realize I’m just putting myself through hell. It’s obvious this is one-sided. “I’m such an idiot.”
I stride past her, pushing through the gate, only lingering long enough to latch it behind her. Then I stalk back toward the house.
“Ashton, wait.” She grabs my hand, but I pull away and keep moving. “Wait!”
She catches up to me, jogging to match my pace. “Yes, there is something here.”
I slow my step but keep walking.
“I feel it,” she says “and it’s killing me every day we get closer to my leaving. The truth is, I don’t want to leave.”
“Then don’t.” I turn, capturing her face in my hands. As pissed as I am, I can’t get past how badly I want to pull her into me, to taste her lips, to find another excuse to make love to her.
“I have to,” she whispers.
I close my eyes, letting out a slow exhale. Then her mouth is on mine, and damn if I don’t feel so hungry for her. I pull her in, clutching at her as I kiss her deeper. It feels like holding on, and it feels like saying goodbye. All I know is that I can’t get close enough. I can’t stand the thought of letting her go. I don’t want to stop kissing her because when I do, she’ll be that much closer to leaving me for good.
