Page 51 of Worth the Risk
“Well—I was thinking about it not working out between us.” His head whips to me so fast I’m worried he may have given himself whiplash.
“Why would you be worried about that, Winnie?” He sounds alarmed.
“—because Rhett, we’ve done this before and it didn’t.” I’m trying to keep my voice steady but I can feel my anxiety rising. “I’m not saying it was your fault that it didn’t. It just didn’t.” He slowly pulls the car to the side of the road and I’m wishing I would have waited to start this conversation. I sigh. “I can’t lose anyone, Rhett.” I admit. It’s my deepest insecurity, the root of where my worry stems from.
“You won’t. That was years ago, Winnie. It’s different now.” I look out the window and out toward the mountains that surround my home and everyone I love.
“We may be different, but the stakes are still the same.”
“So are you saying you don’t want to do this with me?” he says it quietly but when I chance a glance at him his jaw is clenched tight. I look away, growing frustrated, too.
“No. I’m saying that I want to do this with you so badly that it’s all I can think about! I’ve been in love with you for over a decade, Rhett. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I just need you to know what I stand to lose if you decide to leave again.” I look back at him but he’s smiling so widely I wonder if he’s been listening to me at all.
“What the hell are you smiling about? Did you hear anything I just said?”
“I heard everything you just said. I’m just choosing to focus on the part where you told me you’re in love with me.” I meet his eyes. His beautiful sea-glass green eyes. I wasn’t planning on saying that, but I can’t deny that it’s the truth. He hooks myknees to slide me over the bench seat and cradles the back of my head in his hands.
“You just said you’ve been in love with me for over a decade.” He stares so deeply into my eyes I feel naked. Stripped of all the the sarcasm and humor I hide behind. He looks at me and I feel seen. I’m not used to being so exposed. I’m always pushing people away when they get too close to the real me, but Rhett has seen me. The real me and he wants me. I want to be brave for him. I want to be brave for myself. I swallow.
“I did,” I say barely above a whisper.
“Then we can figure the rest of it out,” he says and kisses my lips softly.
“Do you promise?” I hate that I sound clingy. “I don’t want to lose you again, Rhett.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Winnie.” He brushes my hair back from my face, curling in behind my ears softly. “I don’t think I could ever love anyone or anything the way I love you.” My heart swells and my eyes sting. I kiss him. Melting into his arms and the promises he’s making. Whatever happens, knowing he loves me even half as much as I love him, will make it worth it.
“Do you want to cook tonight or do you want me to pick something up when I’m done here?” Rhett’s voice asks from my phone that I left on the kitchen counter as I flip my laundry. He had to go down to the school for a few hours this afternoon and talk with the principal about something to do with media. I guess when you’re just coming off one of your most successful years as a pro player people want to know what you’re up to. I don’t blame them.
“I don’t mind cooking.” I hear him breath out a long sigh.
“I meant together Winnie, always.” I smile.
“You know, you’re really good at this teamwork thing. Have you ever played organized sports? Thought about coaching?” He chuckles at that.
“The thought might have occurred,” he says dryly.
“Well run with it, cowboy.” He laughs again. He always makes me feel funnier than I am. It takes some getting used to but I think I wouldn’t mind getting used to it.
“Will do, Darlin’. I’ll pick up something and see you in a couple hours.”
“Sounds great, see you then. Bye, Rhett.” I hang up the phone and can’t stop the smile and giddy feeling spreading inside my chest. I’m nervous but excited at the thought of Rhett staying the night tonight. We may have spent the last few weeks at his place or mine, but we haven’t slept together yet. On more than one occasion the opportunity presented itself and at the thought of being with him again my skin feels like it’s on fire. I know he’s been with women in the last eight years, I’ve been with other men, but being with him just means more.
I don’t think I could ever love anyone the way I love him, but I do know I wouldn’t want to. When he told me he loved me today it was like I knew the words before he said them and at the same time had been holding my breath waiting to hear them. This man will be the only exception to the rules I made for myself about love, so I want it to be right and I don’t want to mess it up. Just as soon as I’ve felt happier than I can ever remember I can feel my anxiety start to rise and reach for my phone deciding I may need some help.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mare.”
“What’s the matter?” She asks. She’s always the one to cut right to the heart of the matter. I feel my lips wobble as I struggle to tell her. One of the worst things about my anxiety is that nothing is actually wrong in the moment, I just can’t stop thinking about what could be wrong potentially.
“Nothings wrong yet.” I get out, hoping my voice is steady.
“Okay, and what is it you’re worried could be wrong?” I feel the tears slipping down my face now, not only from the anxiousenergy in my body making my muscles tight, but also from the deep sense of being known and seen that Marigold has managed to make me feel. She really is the best friend you could ever ask for.
“Rhett’s staying the night tonight.”
“Sounds like things are going pretty right if you ask me.” I let out a small snort. “What specifically are you worried about? Let’s list them and work through them.” How did I get so lucky?
