Page 57 of Worth the Risk
“I should really…”
“I’ll text you updates every time I wake him up. It’ll be just like you’re there.” He winks at me then and I relent.
“Okay, but I expect those texts.”
“Scouts honor.” I’m reminded of the little picture in Tom and Mary’s living room of him dressed in a boy scout uniform, he looks adorable when he salutes. A giggle escapes me and it sounds a little manic. I think I’m coming down from my panic and adrenaline induced state. The exhaustion is starting to set in. I hug Mare and thank her for staying with Colt.
“Like I would pass that pain in the ass onto any of my colleagues.” We both laugh.
“Hey!” I look at my brother and hug him tight. I know he’s okay. He’s really going to be okay.
“Call me if you need ANYthing. I mean it. I love you.”
“I love you too, sis.”
“Mom had to go pick up Hazel for Knox.”
“Oh okay, I’ll call Uncle Buck to come pick me up.” I reach for my phone and he stops me.
“I can run you home and come back for this guy.” He points his thumb back at Colt.
“He won’t be discharged for another hour, I’ll sit with him.” Mare offers.
“Aww, I knew you wanted to spend more time with me, Goldie.” She throws her pen at him.
“Is that any way to treat your patient?” He sounds genuinely shocked.
“I think he’ll be okay.” Rhett chuckles.
“I don’t know—those two can really go at each other,” I say, but I’m walking for the door.
“Love you guys, call me later, Mare!”
“Love you!” They both call, but keep their eyes locked. Rhett put his arm around me again as we walked the hallway. Now that I know my brother is okay, it’s starting to sink in that Rhett just saw me have a panic attack and probably thinks I’m a basket case.
“I’m okay now, Rhett. Really.” I try to sound more put together than I’m actually feeling.
“I know you are, Winnie. I also know this was hard for you. Harder than it was for anyone else.” I tip my face up into the evening air when we make it outside.
The sun is setting, casting neon pink and orange across the Colorado sky. My body is starting to relax and I have no doubt that it’s a direct result of Rhett’s arm still tucking me close to him. For just a minute I let myself bask in his warmth. The comfort just being with him brings is enough to hold me together right now. He probably thinks I’m going to fall to pieces any second now, but I can’t make myself tell him that he can let me go just yet. I soak in his body next to mine and pretend he can hold me close like this forever. I feel like everything has changed in the last hour.
I can’t lose anyone.That’s the one thought that keeps popping up into my head. I could have lost my brother today and the thought alone, even knowing now that he’ll be fine, has me spiraling. I realized after seeing Colt laughing in that hospital bed, that losing Rhett in any way would end me. If you would have asked me last week I may have thought I could keep certain walls in place. If you would have asked me this morning I wouldhave said that I was ready to tear them down completely, but now I know I was flying a little too close to the sun and have been sent back down to earth just for thinking I could hold my own in his orbit.
The lock unclicking lets me know we’ve made it to the truck. I’m trying to find the courage to do what needs to happen next. He deserves better than this. He deserves everything he wants and it’s becoming more clear by the minute that I won’t be able to be that for him. I love him. I’ll be in love with Rhett Holloway until the day I die. Loving him this much means loving him enough to let him go for good. He opens my door and waits for me to climb in, then proceeds to pull the seatbelt across my chest. The action makes my eyes water, if I let him he would waste all his time on me. He would put everything he has into us and all I would end up doing is breaking us both. Okay, Winnieplease please pleasedon’t cry in front of him again. I’ll have to be strong enough for this next part.
“Hey, it’s alright now, honeybee.” His crooked grin splits the crack in my heart further, but I try to smile back. It’s wobbly at best.
“I know. I don’t know why I’m crying again. I’m fine, really.” I sniff.
“I know you are, but it’s okay if you’re not.” I nod.
“Thanks, Rhett. I mean it. It’s been nice to have someone to lean on.” He winks.
“Anytime. I’m always gonna be here for you.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile. By the look on his face I’m not sure it’s all that reassuring. “I mean it. You’ve got me, Winnie.” The serious look on his face and the serious tone in which he has used for delivery threatens my resolve. I must have really scared him earlier. I don’t want him feeling like he has to take care of me right now. I clasp my hands in front of me and clear my throat from the lump that’s forming.
“I know you’ll be there for me, Rhett. That’s what family’s for.” The words feel like swallowing acid. He gives me a puzzled look and goes to say something else, but I stop him. I’m in enough pain without having to listen to him be sweet and caring just to tell him we can’t be together anymore.
“We had better get going so you can get back to Colt.” he steps back from me and shuts the door. I take a few deep breaths and I only have to make it the 15 minute car ride and then I can really let loose the sobs starting to form in my chest. The drive is mostly quiet besides Rhett asking if I’m hot or cold. If I want the radio on. What station I want. Do I mind if he rolls the window down. Honestly, I just want to jump out, but I squash the impulse knowing that the relief from escaping this situation would only be temporary and then bring me more anxiety and I don’t think I can take anymore.
