Page 60 of Worth the Risk
“What did you do?” It’s not exactly accusing, but his tone definitely says he thinks I’ve wronged his sister.
“Honestly, Colt, I didn’t do anything. I think she’s gotten in her own head and she won’t let me in. She had a really hard time when you got hurt.” He flinches at that.
“I didn’t mean to worry her.”
“I’m not saying anything is your fault. I just don’t think she let’s everyone see how hard it is for her. She takes care of everyone else and shoulders her own burdens all alone.”
“She’s never said anything.” I love Colt, but sometimes he can be really selfish.
“She shouldn’t have to.” His eyes flick back to mine and seem to harden.
“She’s my sister, Rhett. I would do anything she asked me to.”
“I know you’re a good brother and since you are you would know that she would never ask. She hates being a burden. She would rather suffer alone than to have someone know she was struggling.” He just stares at me. I once again get ready to defend myself without hurting him.
“You’re right,” he says begrudgingly, surprising me. “I should have known she was struggling.” He swallows and then continues. “You really love her? You’ll treat her the way she deserves?” This is the easiest question I’ve answered so far.
“I love her more than I could ever put into words, but I’ll still find a way to tell her how much she means to me everyday if she’ll let me.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“You may not have been looking for my permission, but since we’ve been kids we’re all each other has had. It falls to me to look out for her. You’re a good man, Rhett. My best friend and I love you like a brother, but if you ever do anything to harm her in any way, I will put you on your ass and make it hard for you to ever get back up.” This was expected and I accept his threat with as much swallowed pride as I can. I nod my head.
“I won’t, but if I ever do I’ll be coming to you to straighten me out anyway.”
“Sounds about right. Now, how are you gonna get her back?” I smile.
“I have half a plan—half a plan and a lot of determination.” He laughs at that.
“That’s all we’ve ever needed. I wish you luck. She’s so damn stubborn.”
“When it comes to Winnie I’m up for the challenge. Always.”
I’m here at the bakery late again tonight. I’ve been here as much as possible the last week. I haven’t spoken to Rhett in six days. His first game is tonight and I want to be there for him so badly. I feel like my body is caving in on itself. After recovering from my panic attack last week I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not strong enough to survive losing him. Also, for the first time since the night of their deaths I let myself be selfish and have something I really wanted. Only for my brother to wind up in the hospital with a head injury the next day. I’m not meant to have all the things I want. I had been selfish the night of my parents' accident, too.
The loss of my parents affected me in ways I’m still finding out about. I’ve been to therapy on and off over the years. There’s obviously a lot more I’ll need to work through, but losing them when I did, how I did. I know Colt was devastated by their deaths as well. We had fantastic parents. The best. They were fun andcolorful. They loved us and they loved each other and that was evident. The night of their accident I had been such a brat. I physically flinch thinking about it.
They were on their way home from their weekly date like normal when they called home to check on us. I was pouting, because I wanted to go to Bailey Holt's slumber party that night and my parents had said no. I told them that I might feel better if they brought us home ice cream sundae supplies. My father had laughed when my mom relayed my request, a deep belly laugh that I can hear in my ears now. She had a smile in her voice as she told me they would be home, with the supplies, in 15 minutes.
When 15 minutes turned to 30, we didn’t think too much of it. When 30 minutes turned to an hour, we heard a knock on the door and rushed to greet them. It had been Aunt Carol, telling us we needed to come to the hospital. We were told my father died on impact, but my mother suffered for 27 minutes before she died on an operating table. I let out a sob at the memory. Colt had been so strong and stoic. I was a blubbering inconsolable mess. It had been my fault. They were turning out of the grocery store's parking lot and a driver ran a red light while driving 60 mph, 25 mph faster than the speed limit. When my Aunt asked about the other driver they told us he passed on the ambulance ride to the hospital.
I thought hearing that the man who did this to us was dead would somehow make me feel better, but it didn’t. It just felt like more death on my hands. Rationally, I can tell myself that the accident wasn’t my fault and that it was just a tragic accident. But deep down in the pit of my consciousness, it still feels like I caused it. I’m not sure how to make that go away. When good things happen to me or I get what I want, I think it will always be tarnished by the guilty feeling that accompanies it. I don’t wantto saddle someone else with that burden or expose myself in that way to someone just for them to leave.
I’m leaning into my anxiety when the door to my kitchen swings open and I see Mary standing there. I want to cry at the sight of her. She’s good at popping up when I need her. I think Rhett inherited that from her. His name is a stab in my heart. Her next question loosens the dam I’ve been building to keep my tears at bay for the last six days.
“Winnie, honey. What’s the matter?” I break.
I tell her everything. That I’m in love with her son and I believe he loves me too, but I don’t think I can take that chance with someone. Anyone. I tell her how I feel guilty when things work out for me and that I’m scared something bad will happen if I’m happy. I end my tangent with the fact that Rhett has left before and he could again. I may not be worth the trouble. She smiles sadly at me.
“I’m pretty certain Rhett thinks you’re worth it, Winnie.”
“Has he said something to you?” I sniff.
“You could say that.” I raise my brow at her. “Here.” She hands me the local paper, I am more confused now.
“Um thanks? I’ll save the crossword for later.”
