Page 41 of Worth the Rush
I smile and turn back to the living room. Laughter floats down the hallway as I step into the bedroom. Light filters in from the window, and I can see the outline of the mountains in the distance. I walk to the end of the bed. The thick wool blankets all look warm and inviting. The nightstand has a leather-bound book on it. A journal, perhaps? I pick it up and flip through the pages once before placing it back on the small table. I would love to snoop through it, but I can’t be in here forever. I’m sure he hasn’t lived here in years, but somehow, it still smells of him in here. There are so many personal touches. I think back to my bedroom in my father’s house and can’t think of one thing that reflected me in that room.
I walk over to a tall dresser and look at the framed photos sitting on top. There are a few of him and his brothers. I see Winnie and Colt mixed in as well. There’s one of him and who I’m assuming is Florence, when she was a toddler brushing his hair. Then there’s one I see pinned on a corkboard above a desk. It’s of him with a guy I haven’t met yet. Alder has his arm wrapped around the man’s shoulders. Both their smiles so bright that I can feel mine widen in response.
“That’s Ray,” a voice from the doorway startles me. I spin and stifle a scream.
“God, Alder. If you keep doing that, I’m going to make you wear a bell,” I tell him while covering my throat with my hands. He smiles at me, his hip propped against the door jamb.
“Kinky,” he says with a raised brow then his face turns thoughtful. “I’m not opposed,” he tells me. I scoff and lean back onto the desk, checking to make sure it will support me before giving it my full weight.
“No? Tell me more. What else are you not opposed to?” I question.
“If it has to do with you, I’m not ashamed to say it’s a very short list,” he quips, and I fight a blush. More lists.
“So, the guy in the picture. Ray.” I gesture behind me. “I haven’t seen him around. Does he live around here?” I ask, trying to change the subject. Alder’s blue eyes twinkle, and he pushes off the wall to come stand beside me.
“He would love that you’re asking about him,” he tells me with a small chuckle. He pulls open the drawer at my thigh and pulls out a hardcover book. Oh, it’s a photo album, I see when he flips it open. He leans against the desk beside me, our shoulders touching.
“This is Ray,” he says. He points to a photo of two small boys. Maybe eight years old. “We were friends from the first day of kindergarten through age twenty-four. I’ve never had a better friend.”
“Did you two lose touch or…?” I ask, hopeful.
“Unfortunately, no. He died twelve years ago this month.” This is a much deeper conversation than I had anticipated.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I tell him honestly, placing my hand over his.
“Yeah, I had a pretty rough go of it for a while after,” he shares with me and flips his hand over to twine our fingers together. “He’s a big reason I do what I do,” he whispers.
“I’m sorry you lost him,” I murmur. I know how loss can affect you. My loss changed me completely. I wonder if Alder was altered like I was and if having the support of his family kept him from going dark like I had. The months I spent at the spa retreat still haunt me. I shudder.
“I am too. He was a great person and would have been agreat man. I miss him every day. I’ve been fortunate to have found ways to cope with his loss and honor his memory. Those are the only reasons I’m able to keep going. Well, that and I have my family. They don’t give up on the people they love. I am lucky enough to be one of those people,” he says with a wink.
“I doubt it’s all that hard to love you, Alder,” I whisper. We’re close. Too close to one another now. With his hand in mine, I hadn’t realized how close his handsome face had gotten to mine.
“Ivy, I should tell you…” I can feel his breath on my mouth, and if I lean into him just a few more inches, I could feel his lips…but I don’t. I might’ve, but I don’t get the chance. A knock on the wall has me flinching away from him so hard that I ram into the dresser and knock a trophy and some books off it.
“Shit!” I yell, rubbing my upper arm as I bend to pick up the items now on the ground.
“I just wanted to let you guys know that Mare is here, and dinner is about ready.” Rhett smirks from outside the room. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” His tone is teasing, and even though all the Holloway men are grown, it’s giving little brother.
“Not at all. I’m just going to go to the bathroom and then I’ll be right there,” I say and walk past him and down the long hall. I don’t take another breath until I’m locked inside. What the hell am I thinking? I shouldn’t have let myself get into this position. It’s really easy to get swept up in Alder. I think it’s been happening little by little since my first night here. I also know it would be much smarter, for both of us, if we remember that this isn’t real; it’s an agreement, that’s it. The hand-holdingand the near touches should probably be reserved for when we’re in front of Noah or Margot.
I wash my hands and splash a little water on my face. In the mirror, I can see my face is flushed, and it has nothing to do with the sweater I have on. I’m playing with fire now, but it feels really good to be here with him today, and it feels really good to have him looking at me like he does. Like maybe he cares about me, what happens to me. That’s new, and I don’t think I want to give it up. Not yet, at least.
I make it back to the kitchen and am promptly ushered to the dining room, where the table is set beautifully with a view of the Christmas tree that stands across the room in front of the window that seems to tower over us. Everything on the table is in just the right place. The red napkins and the gold candle sticks. It’s stunning, truly. When I get a better look at the tree, I notice it has small frames hanging off the branches. Little wallet-size photos adorn the huge tree from top to bottom.
Memories of all their family holidays, milestones, and achievements hang from small green and red bows. It’s perfect. I’ve been to plenty of pretty homes that are lavishly decorated, but it’s these personal touches, the ways this family is embedded into every inch of this home, which stand out the most. They make this the most beautiful Christmas I’ve ever been to. Being with this family makes me nostalgic for something I’ve never had. I’m sure there’s a word for that, but I can’t think of it right now.
“Alright, everyone,” Mr. Holloway calls over all the side conversations. “I would like to start by saying that I’m so grateful to have my whole family here for Christmas.” He takes an extra moment to look at Rhett, and his son nods in agreement before looking at Winnie, who blushes adorably. “Christmas is a time to reflect on the past year. All the good things that it’s brought us and all the hard things we have overcome. My wish for everyone here is that you continue to overcome the challenges life sets before you, but you feel joy in the wonderful opportunities you’ve been given.” He raises his wine glass, and we all reach for our own, lifting them. “To the bright futures of everyone in this room and the years that have come before that made us capable of them.”
There’s clinking around the table as we all tap our glasses to one another’s. I’m trying not to tear up. What a beautiful sentiment. To honor our pasts and old wounds by rising to all that life brings. I look around the table at all the seemingly well-adjusted adults. I look at Hazel. She’s going to be such a lovely person. She has too many people who love her for her not to be. I feel my chest warm thinking about that. Grateful she won’t be resigned to a life as empty as mine was. After spending the day here and hearing Tom’s speech, though, I think I still have time to change that and make the most of mine. I smile and look at Alder, who’s sitting right beside me.
“Thank you,” I say quietly, so only he can hear. He turns to me and smiles. Hi, dimples.
“For what?” he asks me.
“Coming after me this morning.”
The days after Christmas are beginning to run together. I’ve been on shift most of them, with only one of those days at the resort. That’s why I’m working here today, trying to play catch-up. That and possibly because I haven’t seen a certain redhead around as of late. Having Ivy at my family’s home for Christmas was the highlight of my year. The way she looked like she had been spending holidays with us forever, not just this once. It made me start wishing for more with her. She’s still refusing to acknowledge that our feelings are shared. Today may be the day I finally do something about that.
