Page 61 of Worth the Rush
Alder
I’m going to get her back.
Baby Lo
It’s about time.
Rhett
Hell, yes!
Winnie
I approve of this message. I’ll go with you if you need backup. I kind of already inducted her into the girl gang, so…I’m going to need you to get her back ASAP.
Rhett
You have a gang, and I’m not in it, darlin’?
I chuckle at that, then see what my older brother has to say.
Knox
Hazel likes Ivy. Make it right and then be happy, Alder. You deserve it.
A man of few words, but damn do they hold so much weight.
Alder
Thank you all. I love you. I leave in the morning, but I’ll keep you updated.
I bought a plane ticket. I leave tomorrow morning at seven o’clock. Which means I have twelve hours until my flight departs. I’m going to California to plead my case. I’ve never actually been there. I’ve been to Seattle a few times when Rhett was playing hockey there, but it’s been a while. I don’t leave town much, but I change that. I have learned skills that help me adapt. Maybe I should put them to use in my own life. Maybe I’ll take up surfing. Pull a reverseJohnny Tsunami. If some kid from Hawaii can learn how to snowboard, then I can figure out surfing.I can see it. If it means I’m with Ivy, I can see it.
I drive up to my cabin. It’s started snowing again. I’ve always loved the snow. It always reminds me of being a kid, and that feeling is tied to the possibilities of things to come. Tonight, it feels less magical though. I don’t see it cling to red hair and a purple coat. That thought actually feels like a physical blow. Will I see her in the snow again? I walk up my steps and put my key in the door. It’s already unlocked. Huh, I guess I shouldn’t have been such a prick about Ivy leaving her door unlocked when I have all day.
I push open the door, ready to find enough clothes for at least a couple of weeks. I also need to call Jack and let him know I’ll be gone for a while. I’m not sure how to start that conversation just yet. The weather is turning, and I hear my radio crackle from the kitchen. I turn up the volume and listen to the broadcast.
“There’s been an avalanche breakout in the area. Anyone able, please report. This is an all-hands-on-deck situation. We need all crews on standby.”
“Shit!” I run a hand through my hair and race to my bedroom to change into my gear. I toss my shirt onto the bed and hear something crunch underneath it. I pick it up and see a piece of paper. What I read chills me to my bones and sends fear down my spine.
“Fuck!” I yell and pray that I make it in time.
Ididn’t expect to be here for very long today. But here I am, sitting on Alder’s front porch. In fact, I only stopped by to say goodbye and give him his keys and hat back. I’m supposed to be getting on a plane in a few hours. I’m heading back to California, but I wanted to say a real goodbye. I told him I was leaving a few days ago. He’s sent messages and called, but I haven’t been able to speak to him. I was too upset, angry. At him, my father, at myself. He asked me to stay. I can’t though. He doesn’t know what he’s getting into with me. I come with a lot of baggage, and I may be mad now, but the depth of my feelings hasn’t changed, and his feelings can’t be anywhere near as intense as mine. It’s freezing, though, so I use the key, not seeing it as an invasion of privacy since he gave it to me, and go inside to wait.
Walking into Alder’s cabin, I’m hit with sadness. I expected this, but it’s one thing to expect; it’s another to experience it. I look at the counter where there's a bag of oranges. A twinge pulls at my heart. I know they’re for me. Or they would havebeen. I go into the back bedroom and let myself breathe him in. I’ll miss him. So much. More than I’m willing to admit to myself right now. More than I’ve ever missed anyone. I can’t stay for what we’ve been doing if there isn’t a destination in mind—as much as I wish I could. It’s time for me to make myself a priority. Put the things I want in life at the top of my list.
And I want someone to share my life with. I want to build one with someone. After so much soul-searching, I think I want to try and have more babies. Alder played an instrumental part in that emotional shift. I’ll always be grateful to him for the softening of the hard edges I present. Even if we can’t have it together. I feel the sting behind my eyes. If he could have given me anything more than what he did—maybe I could have stayed. What’s waiting for me in California isn’t a lot. I’ll have to start from square one, but it’s a fresh start. Maybe that’s what I need. Maybe what Alder and I need is a clean break. I should leave. He isn’t here, and I shouldn’t be either. I stand and hit my knee into that damn nightstand, and I knock his books off it.
The leather-bound notebook has all my attention. It’s open. I’ve seen him writing in it plenty of times, but I’ve never read any of the things he’s written in there. Curiosity is winning as I pick it up from the floor and read. It’s beautiful. Poetic. Page after page, poem after poem. I turn to the last few pages, and as I read, my throat tightens, and my vision swims.
And I will go where you go.
Hang my hat by your coat.
I’ll follow my soul,
so let it be known.
