Page 24 of Worth the Want
Winnie blows out a breath. “Hold on.” She walks behind the counter, grabbing a to-go cup before filling it with coffee. She puts a lid on it and offers it to me.
I grin at her. “You’re too good to me,” I say, hoping to lessen some of the tension between us. Winnie has been like a sister to me long before she was engaged to my brother. I may be ten years older than her, but between her, my mother, and Florence, I’m effectively kept in line by the women in my life.
She sighs but smiles back at me. “Maybe, but I’m pretty lucky to have you in my corner—most of the time. I don’t want you running her off.”
I put my hand over my heart as I walk backward to the door. “That doesn’t sound like me.”
She gives me an exaggerated eye roll. “Doesn’t it though? Bye, Knox.”
“Bye, Win.” I step out into the bright light. The day is warming up with the sun sitting high in the sky, blazing down. I look to the mountains in the distance. Since Winnie and Rhett are keeping Hazel overnight and tomorrow, I think I’ll try to get a hike in tomorrow. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to doanything too challenging. I bring Hazel with me on the milder ones, carrying her on my back most of the time.
She used to fall asleep in her carrier while I kept hiking. Now, she gets a little restless if we’re out there too long. I love exploring nature with her though. Seeing views I’ve seen before—through her eyes—is one of my favorite things I’ve experienced as a father. Thinking about her turning three soon has me remembering those first days of just us.
Soft humming fills the room. It’s calm now—quiet, a stark contrast to the last half hour. To anyone looking in on the scene before them, they would think it’s peaceful. But inside my head?It’s loud. The quiet surrounding us leaves me with no choice but to let thoughts in that I’ve tried so hard to keep out for the last five days.I don’t know how to do this.How does anyone do this?
A few months ago, I was just getting used to the idea of doing this at all. Now, I’m coming to grips with the fact I’ll be doing it alone. I’m angry, maybe even a little scared. Neither feeling is one I’m familiar with. I’ve always been able to face any situation head-on, with a calm mind. It’s how I was raised. It’s ingrained in me to find a way forward, to push myself.
I’ve made sure that everything I have done thus far in my life has been given my all. I’m responsible according to anyone’s standards. Which makes finding out you’re having a child, with a woman you had no contact with for six months, that much more shocking.
The situation I currently find myself in may be glaringlydifferent from any other I’ve been in before, butI’m the same, aren't I?I guess I’ll add that to the list of things I need to figure out. I’m learning so many new things these days. The last few months have reduced any time I spent studying for the bar, any court case I’ve spent hours dissecting, to a mere blip. I won’t fail at this. I won’t let myself—neither will my family.Thank God for them.
I realize, after having this thought, that I’m not really alone. I’m a little overwhelmed at the idea of not having a partner in this, and it kills me that this tiny angel won’t ever know her mother.
There’s been a flurry of activity at my parents’ ranch today. Food and diapers were dropped off. A community that’s ready to stand in the gaps that I will inevitably leave. As much as I try to be, and as much as I try to pretend, I’m not perfect. No, Hazel won’t have a perfect father, but she will never wonder if she’s loved. That’s something Icanpromise.
She stirs, the motion is small, but I catch it, looking down at her perfect sleeping face. Dark curls are already starting to form around her tiny ears. She was born with so much hair. I didn’t know babies could be born with so much hair. My baby sister, Florence, was practically bald when Mom and Dad brought her home from the hospital. I guess there are advantages to being almost fifteen years older than your youngest sibling. For one, I already knew how to change a diaper.
I can swaddle, I can soothe, I can hum, and I can cook. Tom and Mary Holloway didn’t raise incapable men. Because of my upbringing, there are a lot of things I’m prepared for. A lot of things I can adapt to. But as I look down again at this perfect little angel, so peaceful and safe in my arms, I’m struck by how unprepared I was to love someone so much.
“He’s gone now,” Winnie says, poking her head into the back kitchen.
Doing my best to appear unaffected, I ask, “Who?” while tying my apron strings.
She huffs a little laugh. “The grump who was just in here and unfortunately lives next door to you.”
“Oh.Him.” I smirk.
“I’m sorry he said that. I don't think he really meant it, but it’s not my place to apologize for him.”
“I agree and also see his point. He didn’t agree to this because he thought it was a good idea for himself or his family. He only did it because he cares about you.” I pause, sighing. “Which unfortunately means he’s not all bad,” I surmise.
“Oh…you’re one of those glass-half-full people, aren’t you?” she accuses.
“Guilty.” I chuckle.
She grins back at me, grabbing a bright-yellow water bottlefrom the counter. “I’m working on being more like that. I can be a little doom-and-gloom at times.”
“Really?” That surprises me. I haven’t gotten that vibe from her at all. She takes a drink, nodding as she sets the bottle back down.
“Yep. I struggle a lot with anxiety. It’s taken some time, but I’ve been able to get a handle on it. Living in this town helps—a lot. I hope you feel welcome here. It’s a really great community to be a part of,” she tells me.
I grin. “I must have missed the parade in my honor,” I quip.
“Stick around. I’m sure you’ll get one. Hell, I’ll throw you one just for working here. I don’t think I could have kept going on like I was. I was here just about every day of the week from morning to night. And as much as I love this little bakery of mine—I was starting to get burned out,” she admits.
“Honestly, I’m more than happy to be of service. I’m still a little in shock that you wanted me here. Youdidread my application all the way through, right? And you heard me when I said I have zero bakery experience?” I question.
“I wouldn’t say zero. You baked a loaf of bread just a couple of days ago, and it looked amazing.”
