Page 35 of Worth the Want
When I turn to look at him, his gaze is fixed out on the water again. I put the lens cap back on the camera and stow it in my pack. I remove the old ball cap I found this morning and run my hand through my hair while I wait for Knox to respond. The sun coming out has brought the temperature up, and it’s time for my sweatshirt to come off.
I’m beginning to wonder if he’s going to answer me. I swallow, readying another prompt, wanting to get to know him better, but when I look back at him, I see his eyes are locked onmy waist, where I’m fastening the sleeves of my discarded sweatshirt into a knot. I’m delighted that he looks interested in the skin I’m now showing. I watch his throat work before his sapphire blues flick up to my eyes.Busted, Mr. Holloway.It’s nice to know maybe I’m not the only one feeling the attraction between us grow. I grin and tilt my head to the side, raising my eyebrows in a silent question.
He clears his throat. “I think if you live anywhere too long, you might get complacent. But if the question is do I get tired of the views? Then no. I could go on the same hike, the same climb, the same turn around the lake, and each time I would find something different to appreciate.” He continues to walk down the river while I trail behind.
I nod. “I don’t know how anyone could get tired of this,” I say, gesturing to the picturesque scene before us.
“You’d be surprised. Small-town living isn’t for everyone.” he tells me then grabs the back of his shirt, slipping it over his head and off his body in one swift motion. The defined lines of his back and the tattoo he has in the center of his shoulder blades has my hands twitching in his direction, aching to trace it.
At my silence, he turns to face me, and oh god, forget the waterfall,thisis the view.
“You okay?” He’s smirking at me.
I gulp. Honesty is the best policy, right? “I’m trying really hard not to completely objectify you, Knox.” He raises his eyebrows for a second, then his face relaxes into a knowing grin. Of course he knows he’s hot because how could he not? Was taking his shirt off premeditated?
“Don’t try too hard,” he teases and thenwinksat me. I’ll be riding this high for days. That crinkled eye smile is already embedded behind my eyelids.
I clear my throat. “No, I guess small-town living isn’t for everyone. I’ve lived in a big city my whole life, and although it has its perks and opportunities, I’m more than happy being here. I’ve never in my life been able to look one way or the other and not see a building. It’s…freeing? Exhilarating? Is that at all how you feel?” I ask, turning to face him.
“I’m not sure if those are the words I would use, but freeing comes close. When I was living in the city, I did feel homesick from time to time. My plan was always to be back here. Things just fast-tracked as soon as I found out Hazel’s mother was pregnant.”
I have a lot of questions on the tip of my tongue that may be too personal to ask. So I ask one that feels safer.
“Last night you mentioned you didn't have a girlfriend?—”
“Youaskedif I had one, but go on,” he prompts, and I have to fight my smile.
“Was that how it happened? It’s not really important.” I brush him off. “Anyway, I guess I was wondering if you have Hazel full time or if she spends time with her mother too.” I can see his shoulders tense in front of me. Was that too personal? It was the least personal question I could think of. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that,” I rush out. We continue to walk, his footfalls never faltering.
I stare at my feet, at my bright-blue tennis shoes. I need to watch each step carefully so I don’t trip over any rocks or roots. I take Knox’s silence as he doesn’t want to answer me, maybe he doesn’t even want to be out here with me after my rude question. I hate that sometimes I find it impossible to read the room. Try as I might, that seems to be a skill I still lack. I openmy mouth, ready to tell him that he can take me home if he wants, but he surprises me by speaking first.
“I have Hazel full time. Her mother passed away not long after she was born, so it's just me—and my family.” An overwhelming sense of sadness takes hold of me at hearing that.
“I’m so sorry, Knox.” I wish I had something better to say, but sorry is what I feel. Sorry that Knox went through losing someone and was left to raise Hazel alone. Sorry that Hazel won’t meet her mother, and sorry that a mother had to leave her child.
“Thank you” is all he says. I decide that dropping the subject andnotasking what happened is the best course of action. It’s none of my business, and asking would most likely be insensitive. He would share with me if he wanted to.
We spend the rest of our hike quietly exploring. I snap a few more pictures, and there’s some small talk. We keep it light; I do my best to steer clear of topics that could be seen as probing. I ask about foods he likes to cook, the things Hazel’s into—sharks and princesses—a combo that I am thoroughly intrigued by. And after hearing him talk about his daughter, I come out of this hike with a new fear.
Knox Holloway is even better than I had originally thought, and I’m in very serious trouble of falling for him.
Candy-pink bows and plastic dinosaurs are sprinkled over a three-tier birthday cake. Winnie has gone all out for Hazel’s third birthday party—she’s gone all out for all her birthdays really. There is a station in the yard specifically designated for princess gowns that Hazel and the other guests can dress up in. My baby brother, Rhett, and his best friend, Colt, have graciously offered to take up post there—complete with their own princess crowns. The dinosaur bounce house was not approved by me, but I couldn’t be upset when I saw my daughter’s face light up at the sight of it.
Three years old.I’m having a hard time figuring out where time has gone. Months of my tiny baby needing help adjusting to a life without her mother, weeks of no sleep, and the endless diapers and bottles that felt like they would never end have somehow gone by in the blink of an eye. Now she’s this perfect little person. Walking—running—around in the yard with other little kids. It makes me wonder how fast the next few years will go by.
Looking out across the yard, I see my whole familyscattered and enjoying the party. Ivy and Florence made sure the whole property was decorated, and Winnie and my mom handled all the food. To no one’s surprise, Alder is responsible for the bounce house. He and Ivy are making sure no one is injured, which is the only reason I let it stay up. I grin seeing my father twirl my mother in a circle while they dance to the music playing over the outdoor speakers.
Scanning the party again, I see Indie walking down the road that connects our houses. She’s carrying a big, green box with a frilly pink bow tied around it, perfect for the theme. Hazel invited her the night after our hike, followed by a pretty please. She had looked up at me to confirm it was okay to say yes before telling Hazel she could come. I had appreciated it and at the same time wished I had thought to ask her first, so she would know she was welcome. That thought had caught me off guard. I’m not exactly the first person someone would think of when thinkingwelcoming.
“Indie!”
“Hi, Hazel!” I watch Hazel’s green princess dress swish behind her as she runs to meet Indie at the edge of the yard. Setting the present on the ground beside her, she bends down to greet my daughter.
“Happy Birthday, Hazel Emilia Holloway.”
“Thank you. Is that mine?” she asks Indie. Practically vibrating with anticipation.
“It is! I couldn’t come empty-handed.” Hazel grabs her hand and tugs her toward the party. Indie picks up the present, letting herself be pulled.
