Page 85 of Worth the Want
“It’s going to be alright, Honey.”
I want to believe him. It’s just so hard when I’ve let myself believe I could do this on my own for so long. Opening the door, we drip all over the floors as we make our way to the bathroom. I grab us a couple of towels and throw one to him, and we slip our shoes off going to sit in the living room. He grabs a few logs and sets them in the fireplace, starting us a fire. Looking over his shoulder, our eyes lock, his squinting slightly, trying to figure me out. He deserves the truth.Here goes nothing.
“I haven’t been completely honest about why I’m here,” I say quietly.
“Okay,” he says cautiously. “Then tell me.”
“I didn’t just have a fight with my sister, we were in an accident about ten months ago,” I say softly.
His brows furrow. “What kind of accident?”
“A robbery—gone wrong. There was a shooting.” I close my eyes tightly, fighting memories, trying to compose myself. I tap my fingers over my thumbs.
“You were shot?!” he asks, sounding outraged. I take a deep, steadying breath and slowly open my eyes.
I nod. “My sister and I were walking home after a night out. She’d just turned twenty-one, so I took her out. I knew she would be out anyway, so I figured she would be safer with me than without.” I pause because that’s not the whole truth, and if I’m going to do this, I need to do it right. “Actually, Iinsistedshe come out with me. I forced her to abandon her plans, move the party to Atlanta, and let me watch over her.”
“Sounds like you were being a good sister,” Knox comments. He thinks so much of me. It kills me to lose this curated person I’ve shown him, but he should know who I really am.
“I wasn’t. I was truly awful the whole night.” My voice breaks, and I have to stop for a second. “I said some reallyreallyt-terrible th-things, Knox. Things I’ll never be able to take back. Things no one—” I cover my mouth with my hand. I hadn’t realized until this moment what a good job I’d done at keeping the truth buried deep. My words ring in my ears.
Just because I’ve always let you get your way doesn’t mean the whole world revolves around you, Hana. I’m done. Just fucking grow up. You’re such a spoiled brat!My heart feels like it’s shriveling in my chest.
How could I have said that to her? Let her think I felt that way when she was the brightest light in my life.
Knox makes no move to get closer, but I can tell he wants to by the way he has his hands clutched tightly in front of him, knuckles white where the skin strains over them. “We were almost to our street when we passed by the corner bodega. There was yelling inside, and then I saw a man holding a gun, pointing it at the cashier. We stopped walking—Istopped walking.I froze.Just staring at the scene playing out, like it wasn’t real. The man went to leave, but the cashier jumped over the counter to stop him. She wouldn’t leave me. Hanscreamedat me to run, but I-I couldn’t m-move.”
Anger pulses inside me now, at myself, at Han for not leaving me.
“She was standing in front of me, shaking my shoulders,beggingme to wake up, to move, to doanything.I can still hear the gun go off. See the look on her face, feel the sting in my shoulder. The bullet went through the right side of her chest and into me.” I break then, covering my head with my hands. Knox moves to my side, cradling me into his arms.
“She’s dead,” I whisper. “She’s dead, and it’s my fault.”
“No, Indie, no. It is not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I was supposed to keep her safe. I’m the big sister.” I shake against him.
“Shh. I’m so sorry this happened to you, Honey.”
“I lied. To you, to everyone. I didn’t mean to, I just couldn’t?—”
“It’s okay, Indie. I don’t care about that right now. I just want you to be okay.” His hands rub my shoulders, stroke my face.
“I don’t know how to do that. You make me so happy, Knox. You and Hazel and your family. I want to be happy, but I don’t know how to do that when I’m also so unbelievably sad, and I don’t know when I won’t be.”
“I don’t need you to never be sad, Indie. I just need you to let me be here for you—with you.” I sit back to look at him.
“You still want me?”
“Indie Baby, that was never in question.”
“I know you need things a certain way, and I can work on it, but I’m never going to get it all right, Knox, and I can’t be scared you’ll leave if I mess up,” I tell him. It’s the truth because the fear of losing him makes me sick.
“I just needyou, Indie.I’llwork on it. I won’t ever treat you that way again.ThatI can promise you. My fear won earlier, it won’t again,” he vows, and I smile. This is the man I've come to know. Knox really is a good man. “I’ve never done this before, and this could be the worst time to do it, but you have to know I love you. I’minlove with you.”
“You’re in love with me?”
“Completely.”
