“Spines and Scrimmages,” I say as I sit.
“Lila.” She holds her hand out, and I shake it. “Ooo … firm grip.” She wags her brows.
“Gonna guess you like those kinds of books.” I chuckle.
“It’s sports romance or the Bible.” She winks.
“I got nothing, Lila Mae.” I laugh.
“Doesn’t much matter what you say when you look like that.”
“Thanks?”
The timer goes off, and I stand as she asks, “Which fictional hero do you relate to most?”
“Percy Jackson,” I call over my shoulder. “Half the time, I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m still giving it my all.”
Up next, a man in all-black, wearing gloves with three rings on each finger, and I mean all of them.
“Renzo Flynn, The Fashion Critic – @RenzoWearsBlack. Tell me, Griffon Skinner, on a scale from one to Met Gala, what is this outfit?”
“Uh … outdoor brunch funeral?”
“Tragic. But chic. We love it.”
Next, I sit opposite a chick behind a bright pink laptop, editing as she films. There’s already a GIF of me blinking.
“The Meme Queen – Camila T. @CamilaClips. If you were a meme, which would you be?”
“Um …” I think. But nothing comes to mind, so I blink.
She smirks. “Perfect.”
The next guy is wearing a pair of retro cleats and a retro Cardinals jersey.
“I’m Nate V with The Hardcore Historian. How does your current formation compare to the ’82 Knights under Coach Simms?”
What the hell?I laugh. “It’s a bold assumption that I know anything pre-2000.”
“Download my book,” he says, as if he’s annoyed.
“Will do, Nate, will do.”
The next girl is wearing carrot earrings. Not the weight of a diamond-type carat—the actual vegetable.
“I’m Holly Yu from The Nutritional Fanatic @WholeFoodsTouchdown on the Gram and TikTok.”
“Nice to meet you, Holly. Killer earrings.”
“Thanks.” She blushes then asks, “What are your thoughts on turmeric shots for muscle recovery?”
I grimace. “I’d rather tear my hamstring than taste that ever again.”
“DM me, and I’ll give you some recipes to help mask the taste.”
“Will do,” I flat-ass lie, ’causefuck turmeric.
I pause when I take in the next influencer. He has a GoPro strapped to his chest and is literally wearing a tin foil hat.