Page 94 of Single-Minded
“I can tell you don’t feel the same,” she said, straightening, then tilting her head back.
“I’m not in the position where I can go there, not with anyone. I explained why?—”
“You’re protecting your daughters,” she said, her voice hardened. “From a family.”
“That’s not what I’m protecting them from, and you know it. I’m protecting my family from more heartbreak. More painful transitions.”
“So you don’t feel anything for me?” she asked, her eyes glistening.
“I feel all kinds of things for you, but I can’t let myself fall in love.” I stood, because looking into her eyes was killing me. “That was never the plan.”
I wanted her, but when you were a father, your wants weren’t the priority.
“My girls are everything,” I said. “You and I… The only reason I gave in to our chemistry was because we agreed it was temporary.”
“I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships,” she said, her voice husky with emotion. “Obviously I’m naive, because I thought maybe you’d change your mind if we developed feelings.”
“I’ve learned that feelings early on don’t equal the same feelings a few months later. That’s where my girls get their hearts crushed.”
“So you’re planning to be alone until…what? Nova graduates from high school? They’re all grown up and don’t know how to handle it when a guy breaks their heart because they’ve been so protected all their lives?”
That stopped me for several seconds. “I hope they never have their hearts broken by a guy, but if they do, it’s because of their decisions, not mine. That’s different. I can’t prevent that, short of locking them in the house for twenty years, but I can prevent my relationships from hurting them.”
“By not having any relationships.” She shook her head. “What about your happiness? What if you could be happier because of a relationship? Wouldn’t that in theory make you an even better dad?”
“I don’t have that luxury,” I told her, thinking back on April, my ex.
She’d made me happy at first, but by the end, I’d barely blinked an eye on my own behalf when she left me. It had occurred to me after the fact that she hadn’t made me very happy once the newness wore off.
I couldn’t keep speeding into relationships, crossing my fingers that none of us would get hurt. I’d proven we would, and by we, I really meant my kids. I could weather a breakup, but their tender hearts suffered when yet another someone they loved left them.
“I’d never intentionally hurt your daughters, West,” she said.
“No one ever means to hurt the kids, but sometimes they’re the ones who get hurt the worst.”
“You know,” Presley said, “part of what I love about you is that you’re such a good father. I applaud you for considering your kids’ feelings, but did you ever think that maybe instead of protecting them from getting hurt—because you can’t protect them from everything, no matter how much you want to—that being a good father is more about helping them navigate their feelings when life throws a curveball? Isn’t that what they’ll need to function as adults in this world?”
“Of course they’ll need that,” I snapped, sitting forward. “I just won’t be the cause of their hurt again if I can help it. I’m all they have, Presley. They’re going to grow up knowing they can count on me to do my best by them.”
“I would think showing them how to go after their own happiness would be doing your best by them.”
I found my pants and pulled them on. No matter what she said, she wouldn’t change my mind.
Presley stood, hooking the blanket around her like a long towel. She wandered to the window and looked out, her back to me, her gorgeous locks a messy tumble down her back.
I forced myself to stop looking at her. I just needed to get out of here and close this chapter of my life. Figure out a way to forget about this woman and move forward with my girls.
Still facing away from me, she said, “I respect that you put your kids first, West, but I’m sad. I’m sad for your girls, who won’t have a chance to have another person in their life who loves them. I’m sad for you too. And I’m sad for me.”
“I’m sorry, Presley,” I said from my heart.
She pivoted to face me, and as she did, a single tear spilled over the rim of her eye and poured down her cheek. She swiped at it with the same fierceness she did everything with.
Fuck.
That one little tear gutted me.
The one person, after my three children, who I never wanted to hurt was Presley.
