Page 59 of Full Tilt
“But what if they are wrong? What if—?”
He shook his head. “All I can do is live day to day… I take extra medications to try to slow the CAV down. I made my strict diet even stricter, and I sleep in a recliner instead of a bed. Anything and everything to squeeze out a little more time to do my work and see that gallery opening.”
I fought for another argument, but I had nothing left. I exhaled roughly. “Can the record just show I got through this conversation without a drinkora cigarette?”
He busted out laughing and our eyes met, a moment, a heartbeat, and then we were in each other’s arms, holding on tight.
“Jonah…” I whispered against his neck.
“I know.”
“I don’t…I can’t…”
He rocked me gently. “I know.”
We stayed there a long time, until Jonah gave me a final squeeze and held me by the shoulders. “Let’s get back. It’s late. We’ll get some sleep and in the morning…”
“Jimmy comes to take me to the airport,” I said. “What do I do then?”
“You go with him. Talk to Lola. Decide to either stay with the band or work out how to quit if that’s what you need to do. You’ll find a way.”
“And what about you?”
“Don’t worry about me.”
I looked up at him sharply. “A little late for that, pal.”
His smile was gentle and quiet, and his voice quavered as he spoke. “You’ll either keep in touch with me or you won’t. If you do, I’ll be here for you. And if you don’t, I’ll understand. I promise you I’ll understand. Okay?”
I didn’t say okay. Not one bit of this was okay. My mind hadn’t wrapped around everything yet; I had more tears to cry but now my eyes felt drained and numb. We walked out of the Bellagio hand in hand, out from under the glass flowers; a garden that would never wilt or die.
We went back to his place. Without discussion, I piled the pillows high on the bed so he could lay inclined, then I curled up next to him.
I understood why he didn’t tell everyone his situation. Pain like this went beyond the realm of private or personal. It lived down deep, beneath everything superficial, and drew everyone who knew it down deep with it. It closed distances.
We lay curled up in each other, and I laid my head against his chest.
“Does this hurt?” I whispered.
The rumble of his voice in my ear was drowsy. “No. I’m all right.”
“Does anything hurt right now?”
“No, Kacey.” Jonah stroked my hair, held me tighter. “Right now, nothing hurts.”
He rose and fell with easy breathing. Beneath my ear, his heart beat strong and steady.
A flicker of hope in me flared, determined to burn all night long.
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
I looked out the window to see a black sedan roll into the parking lot of Jonah’s complex. Jimmy Ray got out, leaned against the fender and lit a cigarette.
I turned to face Jonah at the kitchen counter. “He’s here,” I said.
“Okay.”
