Page 33 of All In
Las Vegas held all that scared me the most, and it was beautiful.
CHAPTER
TEN
We got my truck out of McCarran’s long-term parking and drove to the hotel so Kacey could drop off her bags. She’d reserved a room at a little budget place off the Strip, not too far from my parents’ house.
“They know I'm coming, right?” she asked, chewing her lip as we drove to the Belvedere neighborhood.
“I told them we’d head over after you got settled.”
“But they don’t know I was drunk for nearly six months.”
“I didn’t tell them anything,” I said. “That’s up to you.”
Her hands twisted nervously in her lap, as she watched Vegas go by outside the window.
“It’s going to be okay, Kace. I promise.”
Kacey nodded. “Funny. Here, in the truck, with the windows rolled up? I feel secure. Barricaded. But when we step outside, when I breathe in Vegas… It’ll be like breathing in Jonah. The memories. They’re in the air, you know? Like I’ll feel them in my chest when I inhale.” She put her hand over her heart and rubbed as if it pained her.
I had no fucking clue what to say to that. Just as it had been with her withdrawals, there was nothing I could say to make the pain any easier to take. I just had to be there for her, if that helped at all.
As I turned onto my parents’ street, Kacey sucked in a breath. By the time I parked, tears flooded her eyes.
“We’re not even out of the car, yet.” She stared out the car window. “I’m home,” she whispered. “It’s Jonah's home, but it felt like mine, too. Your parents made me feel welcome and loved. In a way my parents never did. And I left. I just…left.”
I turned in my seat toward her. “Hey. Look at me.”
She turned her head.
“You’re here now.”
She nodded, smiling weakly and then wiped her eyes. “Let’s do this.”
We climbed out of the car and walked side by side to the house. The front door opened before I could knock. My mother walked straight by me and engulfed Kacey in a hug. They hugged and cried on the front stoop, then cried and hugged on the living room couch. Over and over, Kacey told her how sorry she was. Over and over, my mother hushed her, brushed back her hair and smudged away tears.
“I understand,” she said. “You did the hardest thing. You stayed with Jonah to the end. For that, you’ll always have a place in this family.”
I rummaged in the fridge, trying not to listen until finally my mother clapped her hands and declared the crying was over. It was time to eat.
“Everyone out on the patio.” She called to the back of the house, “Henry? Theo’s back. With Kacey. Let’s get the nice steaks, yes? Kacey, you like steak?”
Kacey nodded her head, and I got the impression she’d have eaten them raw if it made my mother happy.
“Wonderful. Theo, dear, will you start the grill? Oscar and Dena will be here any minute.”
My father emerged from the den and gave Kacey a hug and a peck on the cheek, and then we got down to the business of Sunday dinner.
I worked the grill, flipping six porterhouses over the fire while Kacey and my parents made small talk. I didn’t listen but through the smoke of the grill, my eyes focused on the empty chair next to Kacey and to my dad’s right from where he sat at the end of the table. Kacey’s hand rested on the armrest, her fingers running along the wooden slat. My dad put his hand on the back of it as he leaned in to tell Kacey something.
Jonahwas sitting in the chair. I could see him, plain as day, in the drape of our father’s arm, holding Kacey’s hand. He was right there, taking up that seat. It was forever his.
I brought the platter of steaks to the table and hesitated. Where was my place? My parents were on either end, two empty chairs on one side for Oscar and Dena, Kacey and Jonah’s chairs on the other.
I busied myself using silver tongs to plate the steaks.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” my mother said, cupping Kacey’s cheek.
