Page 35 of All In
Kacey smiled down at me. “He’ll never tell you what he went through to help me sober up, but I’ll tell you: it was hell. He never left, no matter how hard it got. I’ll never be able to repay him for saving my life.”
She heaved another sigh and wiped her eyes. “So I’m here now, thanks to him, but also because I missed all of you. And I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry I made you worry or made you angry or hurt you. I’m sorry and… I’m sorry.”
Mom took Kacey’s hands. Dena’s chair scraped on the stones as she stood up and came around the table to join the embrace.
Oscar, his expression subdued, was slowly nodding at me.
Dad shifted in his seat. “I had no idea her situation was so dire.”
I braced myself for the “But…” The addendum that diminished what I’d done, or the rest of the lecture. But my dad stared past me, turning tonight over in his mind.
Do you see now, Dad?I thought.I had to go. I made a promise. I went to her now, and I’ll go to her again if I have to. I’ll fail a hundred classes and be fired from a hundred jobs before I let anything happen to her again.
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
“You’ll come back tomorrow?” Beverly asked, hugging me goodnight. “How long are you in town?”
“Just a few days,” I said.
Her face fell. “Oh. I thought you might be here longer. Or that you’d be moving back…?”
“Mom,” Theo said. “She’s tired…”
“I have to go back,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’m booked for gigs and I’m trying to keep my obligations. “I’ll visit tomorrow. For dinner? Can I bring something?”
Beverly hugged me again. “Just yourself, dear.”
Dena pulled me in next. Her hug was like her gaze; warm and soft, and completely welcoming. Though she was only a few years older than me, she exuded wisdom I didn’t think I’d ever know. Looking at her, I realized what it meant to be an old soul. “You did a brave thing,” she said softly. “It might not feel like it, but it is.”
“I don’t feel brave,” I said. “One minute I feel proud for getting out of the hole. The next minute I hate myself for digging in so deep in the first place.”
“We all have our ways of coping,” Dena said, holding me at arms’ length. “You found something that felt like relief, something to numb you, and you clung to it, even as it dragged you down. But you climbed out, knowing how hard it would be on the other side. You should feel more proud than ashamed.”
I hugged her tightly. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she said. “And I miss Jonah. It’s been harder than I ever imagined. But seeing you again reminds me how happy he was.” She smiled and held my shoulders. “I know he carries that joy with him wherever he is. Take comfort in that if you can, love.”
“I will.”
But it was a lie. I didn’t feel any comfort. I didn’t even know what comfort meant anymore. Especially tonight, here at the Fletchers’ house, where Jonah looked at me from photographs and dangled overhead in the glass lamps he’d made. Where he leaned over my shoulder and touched the small of my back. How I kept turning to look at him and ask what he thought, but it was Theo who looked back at me. I missed Jonah so badly, I could feel the cracks in my heart left by his absence. It felt impossible that they’d ever be healed.
Theo drove me to the hotel. He parked in front, but I didn’t move to get out.
“How bad is it?” I asked.
He frowned. “How bad is what?”
“The situation with your classes.”
“Fuck, Kacey, don’t…”
“Tell me.”
He sighed. “I might have to retake one or two. Not a big deal.”
I closed my eyes and slumped in my seat. “I owe you so much.”
