Page 49 of All In
A collective gasp went up as we stepped inside. The wooden floors gleamed in the light of a dozen different sources—delicate chandeliers on the ceiling, sconces on the wall, and incredible centerpieces on each of the round tables. Flowers, silverware, and delicate porcelain place settings were simply arranged but incredibly elegant. I could see Dena’s hand in all of this. A round table swathed in shimmery red gold tablecloth, was laden with bowls of poppy seeds and rice, little cups of rice, black tea leaves and other seeds I couldn’t name. Silver platters held Baklava, rice cookies and almond cookies. A mirror in a silver setting and two candelabras made up the centerpiece. I overheard a man tell his partner that the mirror and candles represented light and fire.
“Light and fire,” I murmured to myself when I saw that my place card had me seated between Tania and Theo.
But my smile faded when it was clear Theo wouldn’t even look at me, and when he did, he squinted and looked away, as if I hurt his eyes. When it was time for his toast, he stood up with grim determination, a piece of paper from one hand and a glass of champagne in the other.
He’s a rock,I thought.He does the job.
The room grew hushed as Theo studied the words written on the paper. “Fuck this,” he muttered under his breath, and tossed the paper down, then faced the crowd.
“I’ve known Oscar for about twenty years,” he said. “Since we were kids. I met him through Jonah. For those of you who don't know who Jonah is, he was my brother and Oscar's best friend. For those of you whodidknow Jonah, you know I’d much rather be listening to him get up here and talk instead of doing it myself. I can’t help but feel he’s laughing at me wherever he is, because he knows how much I hate this kind of shit. Sorry.”
The crowd murmured laughter, and I thought I could feel a collective sigh of relief. As if the elephant in the room had been acknowledged.
“Oscar and Dena were made for each other,” Theo continued. “There’s not a whole lot more to say than that. She’s the calm to his storm, the poetry to his dirty jokes, the opera to his football game. Each fills the gaps in the other. They lift each other up and stick together when shit gets rough.” He coughed another ‘sorry’ and the audience laughed.
“But they have more in common than you think. They’re both the best people I’ve ever known. They’re both generous to each other, and to their friends. They have more love in their hearts than many people have in their little finger. We should all be as lucky to find someone who is the other half of ourselves. To be as a much of a matched set as Dena and Oscar.” He raised his glass. “Congrats, you guys. I’d say I hope you have a long and happy life together, but I don’t have to. I know you will.”
The guests made a resounding toast and Theo quickly sat back down.
I touched his arm. “That was perfect.”
He looked as if he were going to say something harsh to me, or maybe nothing at all. But he eased a sigh and nodded grudgingly. “Just glad it’s done.”
The DJ played, people ate and danced and laughed, and I tried not to think about how much I wanted Jonah to be there. How I tried not to look for him or turn my head and expect to see him there, holding his hand out to me, asking me to dance.
Finally, I couldn’t take any more sitting and nursing the ache in my heart.
“Hey.” I tapped Theo’s shoulder. “You promised me a dance.”
“Sorry,” he said. “Don’t feel like it.”
“Hey,” I said again, my voice cracking. “I miss him too.”
Theo looked at me then, his eyes softening the way they had earlier, but this time they stayed soft. “Yeah,” he said.
The DJ played Bryan Adams’ “Everything I Do.” I got to my feet and held out my hand. “Dance with me.”
Theo took my hand and let me pull him to his feet, but then he led me to the dance floor, cutting through the swaying couples to an empty spot.
His hand was heavy on my waist, and he held our clasped hands out stiffly so they floated in midair. That wasn’t going to cut it for me. I needed to hold and be held.
I moved in close, put my head on Theo’s chest, pulled our clasped hands in to rest on his heart. He stiffened, then relaxed against me, still strong and solid but molding his body to fit mine.
“That’s better,” I said, tucking my head under his chin where it fit perfectly.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “It is.”
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
Thank God.
I didn’t know I needed this. Not until Kacey rested her head against my chest. A communion with another person in pain, the only other person on the planet who’d been as close to Jonah as I’d been.
I let my cheek rest against Kacey’s forehead. We turned in a slow circle, hardly moving, just holding each other. My body should’ve been rampaging with her pressed against me this way. But nothing sexual was in the warmth flooding me. Only comfort. This woman knew exactly how I felt. I didn’t have to say a word. I didn’t have to explain why I felt like shit, out of place, or why I’d spent the whole night listening for Jonah’s voice, straining to hear him among the crowd, craning my neck to see him laughing with Oscar.
He should’ve been here. To give the toast, to dance with our mother, with Dena, and especially with Kacey. It would’ve broken my damn heart, but I would have given anything in the world to look over and see Kacey wrapped in Jonah’s arms.
