Page 50 of All In
Instead, she was in mine, my body absorbing her peace like a sponge soaked up water. Part of me felt like a fraud. Like a con man. A consolation prize.
The other part of me felt like I was home.
“This feels nice,” Kacey murmured. “Whenever I feel I’m coming apart, you always hold me together.”
“Same for me,” I said. “Right now…this feels good.”
She nestled closer to me, and I held her tighter, not wanting the song to end. If I closed my eyes, I could shut out the world for a little bit longer. But I looked up and found Oscar staring at me, his eyes hard, his brows furrowed in confusion. As Kacey and I turned, I saw our table, where my parents were sitting. They were watching us dance, my father with pursed lips, and my mother with a nervous smile for me when our eyes met.
I pulled away from Kacey—unmolded myself from her body. The song ended at just that moment, but my sudden break startled her. She stared up at me, and whatever sense of peace she’d had during our dance seeped out of those incredible blue eyes and the real world—the one without Jonah—flooded back in.
“Sorry,” I muttered lamely. “Sorry, Kace… I…”
“It’s okay,” she said softly. “It was nice. For a few minutes, anyway, wasn’t it?”
I led her back to the table, and she excused herself to use the restroom. Tania jumped up to go with her.
“It's so sweet of you to comfort Kacey like that,” my mom said. “She must be hurting so badly.”
I nodded, jaw clenched. All the old pain and anger came roaring back, burning up the last of my peace with Kacey. “Yeah,” I said, biting off each word. “She is.”
“You're wonderful to take care of her,” my mother said, looking relieved. “I know Jonah must be glad for that.”
“He is,” I muttered, easing a sigh, forcing myself to calm down. “I know he is.”
Because that's what I promised him: to take care of Kacey.
The other half of Jonah's promise had never felt more impossible to keep.
Tania and Kacey came back from the bathroom just in time for the bouquet throwing. Kacey tried to refuse, but Tania tugged her arm. “It’s just silly fun. Or in my case, it’s looking for all the help I can get.”
Kacey laughed a little and relented, but both came back empty handed. My mother actually looked relieved, as if catching a bunch of damn flowers meant anything.
“I did my best,” Tania said, with mock sourness. “But Oscar had a secret Olympian high-jumper on his side of the family. I’m telling you, this was fixed.”
Everyone laughed, but Kacey only smiled, her eyes distant.
She looks tired, I thought. My phone’s face read midnight when Oscar and Dena changed into more casual clothes and left for the airport. The guests watched from the front porch of the Centennial House as they drove off in a sedan,Just Marriedsoaped up on every window. Some people threw rice, others sugar—an Iranian tradition meant to wish them a sweet life.
I leaned over to Kacey. “You want a ride back to the hotel? It’s late.”
She smiled wanly. “God, yes, I am so done.”
I drove my parents, Tania, and Kacey back to the hotel in Albany. We made plans to have breakfast the next morning and said our goodnights with a palpable sense of relief the night was over. The first big event in our lives Jonah wasn’t there for.
I walked Kacey to her room. Outside the door, she paused. “Now that we’re here, I’m strangely awake. I’m going to watch a movie. Want to watch with me?”
That's a bad idea,said an inner voice, remembering Oscar's hard look and my mother’s nervous smile.
“Sure,” I said. Nothing was happening with Kacey and me. She was my friend and she comforted me like nothing and no one ever had before. I wasn't about to let anyone make me feel like shit about it.
In her room, I shook off my tux jacket and tossed it and the tie onto one of the double beds.
“Tania was so funny about the bouquet,” Kacey said, pulling the pins out of her hair on her way to the bathroom. “You should’ve seen her. When the other girl caught it, I thought Tania was going to tackle her. I didn't even try for it.”
“Why not?”
“For one thing, I’m not in the market. For another…it felt wrong. I had the feeling if I came back to the table with the bouquet, it would’ve hurt your mom’s feelings.”
