Page 71 of All In
“And?” Zelda asked softly.
“He wanted me to be with her.”
I let out a long breath. A sigh over a year old. Across the table, Zelda’s eyes were wide, but no judgment was in them. No shock, no disgust, no opinion. Only a thoughtful, considering gaze.
“I haven’t told anyone about this,” I said. “I mean,no one.”
She nodded slowly. “Least of all Kacey.”
“I’ll never tell her,” I said. “It’s impossible. First of all, she’d think I was making it up. Manipulating or guilt-tripping her into feeling something. Second, I don’twantto. If she and I are going to happen, it has to be honest. It has to come from her heart. On its own. Otherwise, how would I know it was real?”
Zelda nodded. “Yeah, I get that.” She tossed a lock of straight black hair over her shoulder. “So what are you going to do?”
“I have no fucking clue,” I said, scrubbing my hands over my face. “I’m stuck. Suspended. Like the Hanged Man.” I looked up. “It’s a Tarot card…”
“I know what it is,” Zelda said, putting her chin on her hand. “Why don’t you just say fuck it, and move to New Orleans? Open a shop. Be closer to her. Let it play out.”
“My mother needs me. I can’t move away. And Kacey just bought a damn house. She’s never moving back here. Vegas is too full of memories of Jonah. She wants a new life. It’s better she finds someone with no connection to Vegas or to Jonah, and I’m both.”
“What about you, then? You going to become a monk?”
I shrugged. “I’ll get over it. Move on.”
“There you go dismissing again.”
“Forget I said anything,” I said, my hands making fists under the table. “See, this is why I don’t talk about shit. It just doesn’t do any fucking good and it just…”
“Hurts,” Zelda said. “It hurts, right? It’s messy and complicated and it’s like a tattoo that never ends. A million needles inking something on your heart that isn’t even beautiful.”
“Something like that.”Something exactly like that.
“You can’t let it all stay buried, T. I mean, I’m no expert at throwing it all out there, believe me. But you’re a good guy. You deserve some happiness, too. What the hell happened to convince you you’re worthy ofnothing?”
I sucked in a deep breath to cool my blood and took a sip of ice water. Zelda watched me for a moment, then scooted her chair around the table to sit beside me.
“You need to answer Kacey’s text,” she said. “Tell her you’re on a date too. The worst date of your life.”
I stared at her incredulously. “What for?”
“So she won’t feel guilty. You both tried out other people, you both failed. Tell her that. Tell her I suck. Tell her I had spinach in my teeth and talked nonstop about my ex.”
“I’m not telling her that.” But suddenly I was laughing and irritated at the same time; like the way you get with a sibling.Like how I’d get with Jonah.
“Fine, then I’ll tell her.” She snatched the phone from my hand and started tapping.
I lunged. “Wait. Don’t.”
She contorted out of my reach, thumbs flying. “Aaaand, sent. There you go.”
She turned the phone back to me, showing her text:My date was the WORST. Call you later?
I grabbed it back. “You little punk.”
Already the dots of a reply were rolling under the message. Zelda put her chin on my shoulder and squeezed my arm. “This is so exciting.”
“Get off me, I’m not speaking to you.”
The rolling dots appeared, then disappeared, then started up again.
