Page 101 of Crash: Love in Scrubs
“There’s a difference between pushing and pursuing, Malik.”
I rubbed my temple, feeling the truth in her words turn the knife in my heart some more. I hadn’t smiled in a week, not a real smile. When I took Samaj to get his car, that was the first time I’d felt any joy since she yelled for me to leave.
It was possible I didn’t know everything about being a man to a grown woman who’d been hurt before. I could admit I had a blind spot here. I’d never been in this situation because no one had ever stuck around long enough to leave me. Usually, I was the one walking away when things got complicated. But with Sametra, the thought of losing her made my chest, head, and stomach fill with panic.
“You know what your problem is?” Mama’s voice got that tone that meant she was about to read me thoroughly. “You think because you apologized once and sent a few gifts the work is done. Baby, that’s just the beginning. You gotta rebuild trust, and that takes time and consistency.”
“I hear you.” I did because I had been thinking the same thing, but I knew better than to poke the bear, especially apregnant one. However, I remembered how I showed up at the firehouse. It was time for that energy.
“Good, when that baby comes, I’m getting on my first airplane to be there. Make it right.”
I’d tried that with some head. I chuckled and shook my head thinking about her praising me for a wonderful job but then still keeping the belt to my ass.
“Mama, you hate flying.”
“I do hate flying, but I love my grandbaby more than I hate those metal death traps. Besides, somebody needs to be there to help Sametra when she’s recovering, and I just feel like this is why God has kept me here so long. To see my baby have a baby.”
My chest thumped thinking about my mom conquering a fear to be there for us. “You’d really get on a plane, ma?”
“Boy, I’d swim across the ocean for my grandbaby. But let’s focus on making sure there’s still a family for me to visit when that time comes.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Now stop avoiding me and go get my Metra Me. And Malik, I’m proud of you for taking control of your career. That shows real strength. Now show that same strength in your personal life.”
“When did you give her a nickname?” I shook my head but loved that the women in my life loved each other.
“The minute she made that jalapeno honey cornbread. I love her for you son. Thats all. I want you happy and you two love each other. Don’t let this bump in the road turn into a mole hill.”
“Love you, ma.”
“Love you too, son.”
After we hung up, I sat in the parking lot thinking about what she’d said. Mama was right, I’d been sending flowers, lunch, little reminders that I was still here. But they felt hollow, like I was just going through the motions instead of fighting for us.And I couldn’t have her thinking that. She meant too much to me for me to take my foot off the gas.
The Next Day
I wokeup this morning missing my woman so much, I felt physically ill, agitated. And while she thought she was winning this standoff, getting her way by keeping me at arm’s length, I was about to blow up Thursday dinner, whether she liked it or not. Samaj had invited me, and I was going. My beautiful, stubborn woman couldn’t keep me away. My mama’s words woke me up like cold water being thrown on me.
I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, applying my Tom Ford Oud Wood cologne she loved so much, the one that made her practically purr when I wore it. I wanted her to smell me before she saw me, wanted that familiar scent to remind her body of all the ways I’d handled it. Two weeks was too damn long to go without touching my woman, especially when she was carrying my child.
I checked myself in the mirror one more time, fresh cut from Precision, beard lined up to perfection, wearing a black Nike Tek sweatsuit, a fitted cap, and a pair of white forces, she loved me dressed down. The gold chain she loved to trace with her fingers when we were lying in bed was tucked on my shirt. I adjusted it. I looked good, smelled better, and I was ready to remind Sametra Andrews why it was time to come home.
The drive to Sheena’s didn’t take long, but every minute felt heavy. The music didn’t calm me, not even the fact that the traffic was perfect. I’d been to dozens of Thursday dinners, but tonight felt like the perfect place for a turning point. I wasn’t sure what she’d told her family about our situation, or if she was going to be upset with me for showing up uninvited. But it was a chance I was willing to take. I needed to at least lay eyes on her. Even if she yelled at me to leave, one glance would hold me over until I could figure out my next move.
When I pulled into the parking lot, I spotted her car immediately, the Lexus I’d bought her. She was parked next to Samaj’s car. I smiled, seeing it brought back memories of that night we’d made the sweetest love, when everything felt perfect between us. But it also reminded me of how that same night had been tainted by Ashe’s violation. I noticed she’d made some changes to it, got a custom license plate that read “BLESSED1” on the front. That small detail made me smile despite everything. She was blessed, but even more than that she was a blessing.
There was no way anyone expected me to just walk away from her and what we’d built together. I was crazy about this woman, and she needed to know that my feelings hadn’t changed. If anything, it had now gone to an astronomical level. I’d done the unthinkable.
I walked into Sheena’s with the confidence of a man who knew exactly what he wanted and wasn’t leaving without it. The hostess smiled when she saw me, I’d been coming here long enough that everyone knew me by name.
“Dr. Holloway! They’re already seated, head on back.”
In my hands, I carried a beautiful bouquet of red roses I’d picked up from the florist, and a small gift box I hoped would remind her of better times between us and where we were headed.
As I walked through the restaurant, I could smell the familiar aroma of Lorana’s cooking, fried chicken, mac and cheese, all the comfort foods that made this place feel like home. But I wasn’t here for the food tonight. I was here for my woman.
I could hear her laugh tickling my ears, and I followed the sound until I laid eyes on her standing outside the booth. I stopped and just watched her talk to Lorana. She looked happy, but I could tell she was tired. Dark circles under her eyes told me she wasn’t sleeping well. She had her hair braided back in two French braids, that was her lazy style, but it was always cute on her. She was in simple black leggings and an oversized graphic tee that probably hid the small changes her body was already going through.
