Page 35 of Crash: Love in Scrubs
The only question now was how to handle the professional side of shit. Because one thing was for sure, I wasn’t walking away from her. Not now, not ever.
I’d figure out the rest later.
Iwas still trying to process all the ways Malik had gotten under my skin. I stood at the island in my dad’s kitchen while Samaj was outside on the deck. Summer was among us but today was one of those perfect Silverrun afternoons with a breeze that made you want to stay outside forever. We’d come over because I wanted to get him some fresh air. He was struggling with being cooped up in his room, not being active. Sports had been his life and not having that outlet wasn’t easy. Baseball season was in full swing, and I knew it was killing him to watch and hear about his teammates playing and training without him.
Therapy was next, although he was adamant about not needing it. I was going to back off for now, but I saw the shift happening. And I refused to let him slip into depression on my watch. So I was keeping my eye on him.
I’d also been cleared and approved to return to work, but I’d decided to take a leave of absence to be there for Samaj andprepare for school starting in a few weeks. The fire department wasn’t thrilled, but Captain Rodriguez understood. Honestly, I didn’t care about their feelings or even my own. My son came first. Always had. Always would. My college acceptance meant I’d eventually be transitioning out anyway, so this gave me time to figure out the logistics of being a full-time student while still being the mother Samaj needed.
In a way, the timing was divine. I could focus on Samaj’s recovery, prep for school, and figure out what this thing with Malik really was, without the added pressure of twelve-hour shifts and being on call.
I’d miss it, though. I’d miss my crew, the tight bond, the dark humor that got us through our worst days. I’d miss the rush of the call alarm, the weight of the gear on my back, the burst of adrenaline pulling up on a scene, not knowing what we were walking into.
But honestly, my rushes of excitement and adrenaline were coming from elsewhere these days. From stolen kisses in hospital hallways. From the way Malik looked at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. From late-night phone calls that left me grinning at my ceiling like a teenager. From the way my heart raced every time he called me “future Mrs. Holloway,” like he had been to the future and seen it himself.
It had been a week since our date, and honestly, it felt like the longest and shortest week of my life at the same time. We’d talked every day, not in a clingy way, just checking in, sharing our days. It was hard watching his muscles flex as he encouraged and coached my son back to health, seeing the way he was so gentle but firm with Samaj, and not thinking about the future. We’d been respectful while we figured out what we were doing, but what we were both clear on was that we liked each other. A lot.
The fire department had been my whole identity for so long, but now I was discovering parts of myself I’d forgotten existed. The woman who could let someone else take the lead. The woman who could trust someone else to catch her when she fell. The woman who deserved to be pursued, courted, and cherished.
It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Because the normal me would be pushing back and hard, but Malik didn’t seem like the type to play my game. So I wasn’t even going to try. He was clear about showing up, whether I wanted him to or not. And that alone made him different. So many other men had come and gone because they just didn’t have that in them. Not controlling, but sure, possessive, the sexy and not psychotic kind.
“Lorana, what is this really about?” I asked my stepmother as she moved around the kitchen, preparing what smelled like her famous peach cobbler.
My dad had requested to see me about something, and I had a feeling on what it was about. Samaj’s big mouth had to mention my date, probably in detail, and now I’d been summoned to the man cave for questioning.
“Chile, your guess is as good as mine. I think he wants to talk about that doctor. He likes him from what he’s seen at the hospital, but he’s not comfortable with how close y’all are getting.” She glanced toward the deck where Samaj was sitting. “You know how your daddy is about his baby girl.”
I rolled my eyes because now I understood exactly how Samaj felt when I questioned his choices. Except I was grown and very much capable of handling my own love life.
“Sametra Jonelle, come on and talk to me,” my dad’s voice boomed from his man cave.
I sighed and made my way down the hall, finding him sitting behind his big oak desk like he was about to conduct business.
John-Dale Andrews was the other half of my heart. My rock. My protector. He was a retired sheriff turned soul food restaurateur, helping Lorana run Sheena’s, the best spot in the city. He was strict, fun, and fair, always made space for how I felt, but always held the line. He was the reason I’d never settled for weak love. I’d seen strength modeled.
“Sit down, baby girl.”
“Daddy, if this is about Malik…”
“It is,” he cut me off, and I sat back. “Samaj told me y’all went out. Said you rode on the back of a motorcycle. That’s crazy, and you know it. You just had a concussion.”
“I’m thirty-seven. And I needed that ride. I’d been in my head a lot after the accident. Don’t put that on Malik.”
“You’re my daughter. I care about your well-being. That don’t change just because you grown.” He leaned back. “And he’s Samaj’s doctor. That’s not a good look. He knows better.”
“I know how it looks…”
“It looks like shitting where you eat.”
“Daddy.”
“Daddy nothing, what happens when y’all stop dealing with each other? Samaj still needs treatment. He gon dump him? Or is he going to stand up like a man and do his job?”
I’d been wrestling with the same thoughts all week, the ethics, the timing, the optics of it all. Every night I’d lie in bed running through scenarios, wondering if I was being selfish or just finally being human.
“We’ll figure it out. But Daddy, I can’t keep living scared of what might happen. Not anymore.”
Was I being ridiculous? Was this tacky and a dangerous game? Did this say something negative about me as a mother? I didn’t know. I hadn’t been put in this spot before. Should I have been focusing more on my son’s recovery instead of falling inlove with a man? But then again, wasn’t I allowed to have both? Wasn’t I allowed to be more than just Samaj’s mother?
