Page 38 of No One's Like You
"Ruby, I..."
"It's exhausting, Ellie," Ruby continues. "I'm trying so hard these weeks to forget about you, to create distance, and now you show up here and kiss me like you've been wanting to do it your whole life. What am I supposed to think?"
"Can I speak now?" asks Ellie.
Ruby sighs and shrugs.
"It was that damn kiss we shared at the alumni dinner," she says and presses the bridge of her nose hard. "Since then I can't stop thinking about it, about you. It's like all the pieces of a very complicated mechanism are suddenly fitting together, making me see what I haven't seen all these years. I think I'm in love with you too, Ruby, but I'm very confused. For me all this is new, I didn't see it coming. And you're right, I've always complained about all my partners,compared them to you over and over while wondering why they couldn't act like you."
Ruby raises her eyebrows.
"You understand me better than anyone, I don't need to tell you when something worries me, you notice. You know how I like my coffee and you make the perfect combination for my favorite cocktail. That and a thousand things, Ruby, and now I realize that I've always looked for you in all of them when I simply had to open my eyes and look at you."
"I don't know what to say now," says Ruby, dazed.
"You don't have to say anything. I need to clear my head," murmurs Ellie, feeling overwhelmed. "I value our friendship too much, and if we start something and it doesn't work out, it would be terrible to lose you."
Ruby swallows and clenches her jaw. She's very tired of feeling what she feels, of Ellie's blindness all this time and now of her fear.
"Do what you think is best, Ellie," she says, exhausted.
Ellie looks at her, confused.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I'm not going to do anything else. I've been in love with you my whole life, swallowing the pain of feeling I wasn't enough for you while trying to accept that I don't have a chance. And now you come to me with this, that apparently you like me too, but now you're confused. I can't ask you to choose, I've always put our friendship first, although I assure you that, had I been certain I had a chance, I would have made a move. So now the ball is in your court. I do want something with you, so take all thetime you need to clear your head and decide what you want, and when you're clear about it, tell me."
"I don't want to hurt you, Ruby," says Ellie, distressed.
Ruby's gaze turns to steel and Ellie shivers.
"You've been hurting me your whole life. Without meaning to, but you have, so don't worry, I can handle any answer."
Ellie curses herself for being so stupid, for being so blind and for all the pain she's caused the person she loves most without intending to, but most of all she curses herself for the time she's lost trying to find the perfect partner without realizing she had her right in front of her eyes. She sighs and nods, she has a lot to think about, she still hasn't processed what she's feeling, or the revelation that Ruby is in love with her. She needs to think calmly, she can't risk messing things up now.
"I promise you'll have an answer," says Ellie, standing up, "but give me some time to think, I don't want to rush and screw things up."
"Sure," says Ruby, "you know where to find me."
Chapter 24
Ellie Trahan has been standing in the middle of her living room for about five minutes, glass in hand, gaze vacant. She blinks several times and realizes her eyes have gone dry. Emerging from her trance, with her mind racing like a sports car, she drags herself into the shower with a slowness that doesn't match her mental state. The memory of yesterday's kiss with Ruby makes her body shiver, but not just because she loved tasting her best friend's soft, sweet lips again. Not just because her core vibrated intensely, her heart accelerated and found the rhythm it had been seeking for years, but because Ellie knows she initiated that connection with a clear head, without a drop of alcohol in her system and after discussing it with Jerome and thinking about it for hours. She squeezes her eyes shut and analyzes her feelings. She doesn't regret it, not at all, but she's scared. Ruby means everything to her, more than any partner she's ever had and even more than her own family, and Ellie couldn't bear starting a romanticrelationship with her lifelong best friend only to ruin everything and lose her in the end.
She exits the shower with the same mental tangle she had going in. She puts on jeans and, with the same indecision, takes them off and searches through her closet until she finds soft fabric pants that give her a rather perky butt. She doesn't stop to consider her motives, pretending it's just an impulse to wear something different today. She doesn't feel like going to the bar because seeing Ruby will make her skin tingle completely and she doubts how her hands might react. She needs more time to think, but she can't be a coward and hide; she has to go to the Early Bayou to work and behave like the adult woman she is.
"Tell me, Chris," Ellie's phone won't stop vibrating and she takes advantage of having just parked to answer the call from the son of the owner of the building where the bar is located.
"I tried to convince my father to give you an extension," the man says, surprising Ellie. "I could only get you one more month in case you need it. I know finding a new rental isn't easy. I'm sorry."
Ellie wants to be more enthusiastic, but although the news is positive, a month is practically nothing for them. New Orleans is so overcrowded that it's too complicated to find what they're looking for at a price that won't force them to find a second job for years to keep debt from swallowing them.
"I appreciate it, Chris," she finally says. "We haven't found anything yet and the sale price isn't for us."
They exchange a few more comments and Ellie prepares to enter the bar. She feels good, she's nervous, but she believes she's fully capable of controlling the situation. What a mistake. As soon as she sets foot inside the bar, she spots Ruby's body, facing the coffee machine. The place is packed; both bartenders move nimbly while her business partner prepares drinks. Ellie looks at her legs, her torso, and the hair covering her nape. She flinches when someone walks past her and, without apologizing, gives her a slight push.
Ruby turns with the two cups of coffee she just prepared and finds Ellie taking small steps toward her. She looks lost, but Ruby needs to continue with service until the tables are under control. She passes close to her and leans in to plant a kiss on Ellie's cheek. It's an innocent kiss and, although Ruby feels a pleasant tingle, she's used to it; it's been many years. For Ellie, however, it's paralyzing; this new sensation is like an unexpected electric shock that strikes you in the middle of a nap.
"Come here," Ruby has reappeared at her side and, subtly, grabs her by the arm and leads her to the office they share.
