Page 62 of My Kind of Trouble
She nodded, but didn’t reply. She didn’t think she could. She was sure her throat had almost fully closed up. In those few sentences, he had completely unravelled and obliterated one of her biggest insecurities, and it left her feeling naked.
She had always felt like too much for people, especially when it came to her anxiety and the way it sometimes made her behave, always seeking to predict and control the world around her and spiralling in a way most others didn’t when she couldn’t. She frequently found herself apologising for it, scared that people would just get tired of her if she didn’t.
Alex had just made her feel seen and validated in a way that she never had before. Lucas had made her feel like she hadto shrink that side of her and would often tell her to ‘lighten up’, or tell her she was ‘relentless’, like she exhausted him. A sense of being in exactly the right place, with exactly the right person, washed over her. A feeling she’d been searching for and had experienced several times over the last few days. Complete contentment.
Alex cut through her thoughts as she just stood there like a statue staring at him, blinking rapidly to clear her eyes of the tears that were building behind them.
‘There are times where I will demand you give up control, Noa, and make it real good for you when you do. But only in situations where you feel comfortable. Do you trust me?’
‘Yes,’ she rasped, because that was something she knew to be true with her whole heart.
‘Then do you want to know where we are going right now?’
She decided to embrace that trust she had in him and hand him all the control. To not think and just enjoy the moment, strolling into the unknown with him. It, somehow, felt less daunting by his side. Because Alex was steadfast. Alex was her safe space, and with him, she felt brave and bold.
They walked in a companionable silence for a while, taking in the sights around them.
The trees towered above them and Noa got that feeling she got when staring at the rolling hills in Freymoor, that feeling of being small and insignificant. These trees had been here for hundreds of years, and would likely be here a hundred more. In the grand scheme of the world, her problems wouldn’t matter.
As she passed them, she reached out to feel the leaves of an evergreen shrub, letting it make her feel connected to the earth. The leaves looked so much more vibrant than any athome, and droplets of moisture coated them. She was curious what they were called.
The sound of their heavy footfalls on the ground, as well as the rustling trees and birds above them was interrupted when Alex spoke.
‘So, I realised something when I picked you up this morning. God, last night was so perfect, and we both got so caught up in the moment that I didn’t even think or to ask, and I’m so sorry about that. That’s on me as much as you but…’
It was his turn to ramble and spiral for a change and it was cute, but sensing where he was going with this, and wanting to put him out of his misery, Noa cut him off.
‘I’m on the pill,’ she said, hearing a whooshing sound as he seemed to exhale the entire contents of his lungs.
‘I’m clean,’ he said. ‘But I’ll get tested again if you want.’
‘Me, too. And that’s okay. I meant it when I said I trust you. If you say you’re clean, then I believe you.’
And that seemed to be the matter settled. They continued for a few more minutes until the sound of running water filled her ears. Then the huge pool of water came into view. A clear blue waterfall tumbled over a tall rock face and plunged into the glistening pool below. Noa blinked several times, wondering if she was imagining things. Then she turned to look at Alex, who just stood staring at her with a dazzling smile on his handsome face.
Chapter 37
Alex
‘Alex.’
‘Noa.’
‘Why have you brought me here?’ she whispered, like there was anyone around for miles who might actually hear them. He shrugged casually.
‘We’ve been travelling Southeast Asia for the past two months now, and we still haven’t been to a waterfall. This seems like as good a place as any.’
She had that shy look on her face that he thought was the most adorable thing in the world.
‘That’s the onlyreason?’
‘What other reason could there possibly be?’
‘I… Oh nothing. Never mind,’ she shrugged off whatever she’d wanted to say, nerves clearly getting the better of her.
‘It could also have something do with that list of yours.’
She looked up at him then, with wide, hopeful eyes. It was one of those moments where she looked at him like he hung the moon. He tried not to read too much into that, especially since helping her to achieve her goals was simply the bare minimum. It gutted him that the look in her eyes made it clear she hadn’t had that before.
