Page 14 of Falling for Ezra Thomas
“Maybe more.” Her little nose is red, so I nuzzle it like a lovesick fool. She sighs and lifts her chin to kiss my cheek.
And I think I’m an idiot. All this time spent worrying about how to tell her the truth, and I could have been enjoying the last weeks of my time in Coldstone Creek like this. We could havebeen working through the details, spending time snuggling and falling in love.
As we walk down the sidewalk towards the heart of our hometown, my heart aches. It’s not the same as leaving for college. I don’t know where I’ll go after training, but I know this little town will be in my heart wherever I end up. By the time we hit Main Street, I’ve recorded no less than a dozen things I want to remember about Coldstone, not the least of which is my parents’ bakery.
Sweet and Salty has been a town treasure for decades. My whole family has grown up around it, cousins included, and there’s something about it that brings so much light and warmth to my heart. So many memories have been made in the little shop, a lot of them that include Lorelai. Still…Ineversaw this coming. But just because I didn’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t welcome. Desired, even. Because every part of this woman screamshomewhen my gaze settles on her, and I have a feeling that no matter where the Army sends me, if she’s with me—physically or in my heart—I’ll always be home.
It’s a good feeling, because as we pass places like City Hall where the Kilmers have worked for decades to make sure we have the best small town in the world, the local grocery store, and even the pharmacy, I recall so many heartwarming interactions I’ve had with almost everyone in town. Meeting a stranger in this town is almost impossible, and even more impossible is finding someone whose face I won’t miss when I’m gone.
“You okay?” Lorelai asks, looking up at me as we stand in front of the entrance to my family’s bakery.
I try to grin past the pain, but the truth is, it’s going to hurt to leave this town behind. “Yeah. Just thinking about all the things I’ll miss.”
“It’ll still be here when you come back. Coldstone Creek isn’t going anywhere.”
“And you?” I ask though I’m sure this letter dating idea is merely a formality. I want this woman, now and forever, which is pretty much how the Thomas boys roll at this point. I have it on good authority my mother is shooting for wives for all ten of us by the end of the year.
“I’m not going anywhere either. I thought we established that already.” She frowns and lowers her gaze. Another thing I know about Lore? She’ll slam up a wall if she thinks she’s putting herself out too far and might risk getting hurt.
I squeeze her hand. “Listen, you’re gorgeous and men everywhere are probably lined up to date you, so a guy can’t be too sure. Especially when he’s about to be indisposed for a long time.” I unlock the door and pull it open to let her inside. Once it’s shut and locked behind us, we head to the back to raid what is left of the day-old items.
“There are literally zero men lined up to date me. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been perpetually single for a very, very long time.” Considering Lorelai knows the bakery as well as the rest of us, I’m not surprised when she pulls a tray of leftovers from Rose’s hiding place. It’s only a few scones and muffins, but it’ll do for a night time sugar craving.
“You’re sort of scary,” I say and take the banana nut muffin from the top. She doesn’t like those, so I dig for a chocolate chip scone and finally find one at the bottom. “For you, princess.”
“You remembered.” She smiles and accepts the scone while I head to get us something to drink. She hops onto the counter and nibbles it. “And I’m not scary. At least, I don’t try to be.”
I pour two glasses of milk and hop onto the counter beside her. “Maybe scary isn’t the right word. You’re driven, and I think men realize you don’t have time for their nonsense.”
The way she quirks her eyebrows tells me I should rethink what I said. I basically told her she’s a scary monster who runs men off because she is dedicated to her craft. Not exactly what I meant to imply, so I try to work my way out of this corner before I get stuck in it.
“You’re beautiful, intelligent, and you know what you’re doing. You graduated high school and college two years early, Lore. You gotta admit, that’s intimidating for a lot of people.”
No matter how I say it, I can’t wipe that frown off her face. She picks at the scone, not because it’s partially stale, but because she’s let worry set in. I don’t know when I learned to detect her emotions, maybe I always could, but the worry lines on her forehead and the nervous chewing of her lip send warning signals. I’m dangerously close to shutting her down, and I’ll be on the wrong side of her wall. It’s not because she doesn’t trust me or she thinks I’m trying to hurt her, but because there is nothing I could say that is harsher than what she says to herself.
I set aside my muffin, which I haven’t even bitten into yet, and palm her face. “Lorelai, you don’t scareme,if that’s what you’re worried about. I think you’re amazing, always have, and I always will. It doesn’t matter that you quit your job, because I still think you’re an incredible veterinarian. I know that whatever you do next, whether it’s working for another doctor or opening your own practice, whatever, you’ll be amazing at that too.”
“What if I’m not?” she whispers, tears pooling in her eyes. “What if I messed up and I can’t fix it? What if I’ve ruined my career and lost all of that money and time invested in my education? I feel like everything blew up in my face, and now all that—”
“Lore, stop. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, okay? You’re allowed to slow down and take a breather. You didn’t waste anything, and I am certain this will work out.”
When she makes eye contact with me again, her tears slip free and dribble over my hands. Her questions have nothing to do with her career and everything to do with blowing up our friendship and ruining this chance in front of us.
“We’re not talking about work anymore, are we?” I ask.
She shakes her head slightly and more tears fall.
“We’re going to write the most sincere, open-hearted letters to each other over the next few weeks, okay? I’m going to tell you things not even Vivien knows, things Beck doesn’t know. My personal thoughts and dreams and things I’ve wanted that I’m afraid to even pray for, because the very idea that they might be out of my reach scares me. And I want to share those things with you, Lorelai. That has to mean something, right?”
Her soft gasp and the sudden tension in her neck puts me on edge. Is that good? Did I go and blow it already? Now I’m the one worried about ruining this thing before it even gets its footing, but any question I had about what I said goes right out the window when she leans forward and kisses me. It’s soft and wet with tears, but it’s sincere and holds so much promise.
She pulls back and rests her head on my shoulder, allowing me to wrap my arms around her. “Ezra?” she whispers.
“Hmm?”
“Do you ever worry that you spent your whole life praying for guidance, only to realize you ignored God the whole time?”
“What do you mean?”
