Page 35 of Falling for Ezra Thomas
“Thank you so much. That means a lot coming from you.”
He chuckles again. “Well, I won’t take up more of your evening. Think about it and let me know what you think.”
“Will do, thank you again.”
We say our goodbyes and I sit on my old bed, pondering this offer. It’s an amazing opportunity to work in the teaching hospital at the same university where I graduated, but it’sstillveterinary medicine. It’s even higher stress than the one I just left, but at least the doctors and staff are much kinder and fun to be around. I loved my surgical rotations, and working there would be a dream…for someone confident that she's on the right career path.
But I’m not.
I sigh and push off the bed with another bag of bricks on my shoulders. The offer is amazing, but I can’t deny the weight of it makes my choices even more difficult to pick apart. And I still haven’t talked to Mr. Thomas about opening my own practice, which seems more and more like something I don’t want to manage as the days pass.
I have to do something, though, so I wait for the email to come through and open the contract. It’s six figures of bliss with a benefits package that can’t be beat, but it doesn’t trigger any sort of emotion—not joy, not excitement, nothing. The only real emotion I can process is worry for what all of this might mean for Ezra and me.
Otherwise, I feel nothing, and part of me wonders if that’s my answer after all.
Chapter Twenty
Ezra
It took a weekfor us to earn back our phone privilege, and that’s only because Olson threatened to stuff Buckler in a box and mail him back to his mama if he didn’t shut his yapper. I started the day with a list of people to call, beginning with Lorelai. Anxiety builds in my chest as I dial her number, wondering if she received my letter and how she feels about it.
“Hello?” she answers, and the sweet sound of her voice catches me off guard. My heart swells so much my throat constricts, and I can’t speak. “Hello? Ezra?”
“Hey, Lore,” I whisper, so happy to finally get to speak to her.
“Ez,” she says, her voice wavering. “I’m so glad you got to call. How are you?”
“Tired, mostly, and I miss home. I miss you,” I admit before diving into what I need to discuss with her. I hate that I have to cut the pleasantries, but I only have so much time. “So, did you get my last letter? The one about applying for…” I fade, unsurehow to finish the sentence since it’s possible shedidn’tget the letter yet.
She inhales and slowly sighs. “I did, and I let everyone know like you asked.”
I can’t swallow or speak so silence fills the line again. After a moment, she says, “Ezra, you need to do what’s right for you in this instance. Everyone agrees and will support you if you decide to apply.”
“And what about you?” I ask. There is no doubt in my mind right now that Lorelai is the deciding factor for me. If I don’t have her support and encouragement, then I don’t want to do it. I’d rather have her than the job—assuming I’d even be chosen and make it through training.
“At first, I admit it scared me. It still sort of does, but yes, I support you too. If it’s what you think you need to do, I’m with you all the way.”
With me…those two words can mean so many things. Is she with me in spirit? In mere agreement? Or with me as in she’ll be by my side through it, no matter where it might take us?
“I mean, you know it means I can be sent anywhere. We might not see each other for months at a time, and it’s not an easy life for—” I cut myself off mid-sentence. It’s not an easy life for…a spouse. I stop so bluntly, I almost choke on my own spit, not because Idon’twant to think about marrying Lorelai, but because it’s literally all I’ve thought about since the offer. I don’t want to do this if it means losing her. Missing the opportunity pales in comparison, and after a lengthy discussion with Jacob, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be disappointed or hold it against her if shedidn’twant me to do it.
I’m not afraid ofanyof that.
But I amterrifiedthat I’ve been theonlyone thinking about it. All joking aside, she was completely right when she said we Thomas boys have a way of deciding what we want and goinginto full-on go mode to get it. Falling in love shouldn’t be one of the things I rush, but I can’t help it. I love her. I want her. But saying so is more daunting a task than Beck, Lev, and Silas make it seem.
“Ez?” she whispers when I say nothing more. “Are you okay? Do you need to talk it out to help you decide?”
“Yeah,” I croak. “I think so.”
“Okay, so it’s not something you expected when you joined the Army, but it’s a great opportunity. Yes, it’s more likely for you to be in dangerous situations, but honestly, Ez, it’s the Army. You didn’t join to sit behind a desk, right?”
“Well…no,” I admit.
“And even though it’s difficult for them to think about, your parents and brothers do support you. Even Beck, and yes, even Vivien. It’s hard work, but you’re driven and I know you can do it. However, it’s also okay if you think it’s not for you. I don’t want you to worry that you’re making any mistakes. We’re all grateful that you told us first this time, and that’s all anyone wanted from the beginning.”
I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut. “Lore, I…I think the biggest thing holding me back from making a decision is what will happen between us.”
“I told you, I’m with you whatever you decide.”
