Page 36 of Falling for Ezra Thomas
“Right but there’s a difference between being with me as a friend and with me as…my future.” I clench my jaw and prepare for her response. Iknowshe knows what I mean. She knows me. More than anything, she knows how big this decision is, since she’s going through some of her own turmoil where career decisions are considered.
“Ezra, I mean I’mwithyou. I’m in this no matter what you do or where you go. I’m thinking about our future, too.”
Her voice still wavers. She’s afraid, but not in a bad way. It’s like me. Worried she’ll say the wrong thing, say too much,admittoo much. The overwhelming urge to protect her heart, to make her feel safe and secure, totellher that I love her takes my whole body. More than anything, I wish shewerehere for me to hold her.
“Lorelai, I love you. I love you in ways that mean I’m not taking a position if it causes me to lose you, and if I do take it, then it’s because you’ll be with me as my wife. I’m not trying to put pressure on you at all. That’s not what this is. If you’re not ready to look at our future in terms of such a deep commitment, then that’s fine. We go slow. Super slow, and we build something over more time, but you are more important to me and my future than the idea of being a Ranger, okay?”
“Ezra, I don’t want to hold you back from something you want.”
“I want you, and I don’t care if it means I have to wait weeks or months or years. All I want is you and whatever future we decide we want together.”
The silence that falls between us is almost deafening, but her soft breaths grow deeper until she finally blows out a deep breath. “I love you, too. You have me no matter what you choose, and yes I know what that means. I want you for a lifetime, even if it is hard and even if it is with a lot of time spent apart. I want you to decide about the offer on your own, knowing you have me no matter what the decision is.”
And just like that, the weight of the whole world lifts from my shoulders, and I know what I want.
I can’t explain why, but asking Vivien if I can marry her sister feels more intimidating than asking her father…which I have already done and received more than a blessing. I’m not even asking permission from Viv, I’m just discussing it with her before I do something that will alter more lives than just Lorelai’s and mine. After all, this is as fast and spontaneous asViv and Beck’s engagement, and it’s probably not a good habit to start.
The phone rings for the third time, spiking my nerves. If I don’t get through, it’s wasted time I won’t get back to call someone else.
“Hello?” Vivien finally answers. “Ezra?”
“Yeah, it’s me. How are you Viv?” I breathe a sigh of relief that I finally reached her.
“What’s wrong? Don’t say nothing because you don’t want to upset me. I know you, Ez, and I know something is up. Are you okay?” Vivien still reads me like a book, but I’m afraid this time she’s under the assumption I’m upset, when I’m actually panicking on the inside. And maybe a little on the outside.
“Nothing iswrong,but I do want to ask you something. Well, more like beg a favor?”
Silence fills the void for a moment before she says, “Okay. What’s the favor?”
“I talked to your parents already, but I wanted to talk to you about something too. It’s about Lorelai, and I wanted to know—”
“Yes,” she squeals. “Yes, yes, yes, and what do you need me to do?”
“I haven’t even told you what—”
“I’m not stupid. I know you. I know her. I knoweverythingabout you both, and I’m completely on board for this.”
“This what? Are you sure you know what I’m talking about?” I have a good feeling she does, but I need to be super clear before there’s a misunderstanding that could lead to hard feelings or stupid mistakes. After all, there’s a good chance if I pass the Ranger application and training, I might be taking her sister far, far away from her.
“Getting a pet hamster. What do you think, doofus? I mean marrying my sister.”
I canhearher rolling her eyes over the phone, and it makes me chuckle. “Okay, fine, you got me. Are you okay with that?”
“Is my father okay with it?”
“Yeah,” I say and try not to bounce my foot too much to stave off the nervous energy building in my chest.
“Then yes, so am I. What kind of hypocrite would I be if I said no?” she asks.
I sigh. “Listen, you wouldn’t be a hypocrite. Beck and I are different despite being twins, just like you and Lore are different. Just because you two work well and I’m totally supportive of you getting married, does not mean you suddenly have to reciprocate. I want you to say yes because you believe that Lore and I will live a long and happy life together, not because you feel obligated.”
The only thing I hear for a while is Vivien’s soft breathing, so I wait while she works through it all. Eventually, she matches my sigh. “Ez, I support you and my sister because Ihavethought about it a lot over the last few weeks, even more in the last few days since you wrote about the Ranger application. You complement each other well, and Idothink you can have a happy life together. Beck and I worked so fast because we have a lot of history. So do you and Lore, and if you’re willing to put as much energy into a life with her as you do your friendship with me, then I trust you with her heart.”
I inhale and try to steady myself, but that’s hard since I’m one step closer to the ultimate test…asking Lorelai. “Thank you, Viv. I know things have been a little crazy since before Christmas, but I promise you that I’ll do everything I can to be the best husband for her.”
“I know you will. I trust you, Ez, with everything. Also, Beck says congratulations.” She laughs and there’s shuffling in the background for a moment before she says, “And your dog heardyour voice and tried to kill me to get to the phone. Say hi to Samson and Judah.”
She must hold the phone to the dogs, because the next thing I hear is sniffing. “Hello, boys,” I say and one of them immediately barks in my ear.
