Page 38 of Falling for Ezra Thomas
Is it crazy that we fell so fast? I don’t think it is. I mean, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out more things to tell you that you don’t already know about me, and literally the only thing I can think of is that I like hot dogs. A lot. Like…probably more than anyone should. Maybe you already do know that, but again, it’s all I could think of.
Anyway, I can’t believe I’ll be home in a week, but when I get back, I would like for us to sit down and talk through everything. I want you to be comfortable with our future before anything final happens. It’s only fair, because it’s your life, too. Honestly, Lore, I’d walk away from everything for you. I don’t know when that became my reality, but it’s true. Not to pressure you. I don’t expect you to do the same, and if you decide staying in Coldstone Creek to open your own practice is what you want, I’ll understand. I’ll figure out a way to make it work. Somehow, I’ll make sure we stay together.
You’re the person who made me feel confident in this decision, though, so I have no doubts in my mind that when we meet and talk, things will work out the way they are supposed to. I’m confident God has set this up, and if He did, then nothing can undo it, right?
I swallow hard and my vision blurs. I can’t even finish the letter in this state. It isn’t that he’s decided to apply but that he loves me, that he’s willing to sacrifice this opportunitybecausehe loves me, that’s got me emotional.
Ezra has never been a quitter, never one to not give it his all. We’re alike in that way, so I can’t fault him for doing his best and excelling to the point that others take notice and offer him a position that would put him in even more danger than I had originally prepared for.
But Ilovehim. I love him as more than a friend, even more than a best friend. I love him as someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how it happened.
I do, and this time apart has only proven to me that what we started before he left was more than a little thing. It was always bound to be serious. So much so, that he’s considering his futurewithme, and he genuinely wants my input on one of the biggest decisions of his life.
I sniffle and reach for a napkin just in time to find Miss Rose crossing the room with a plate and a mug. She smiles when she approaches and I’m instantly put at ease.
She hands me a cinnamon roll and pulls out the chair across from me. “Why the long face, sweetheart?”
I sigh and pick at the sweet treat. “I just found out Ezra plans to apply for the Ranger school. I’m happy for him, I promise.”
“Ah, I see. And where does that leave you, love?” She squeezes my hand and offers me the grandmotherly smile she always has. I have no idea how old the woman is, but she’s always beenhere, always dishing out good advice, always showing love and patience for us. For everyone in Coldstone Creek, actually.
“I’m not sure.”
“You love him, yes?”
I pick a bite off the roll. How do I explain everything I feel? I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian, but now that I’ve worked hard and achieved it, I hate it. I’ve wasted valuable time and resources only to watch what I thought was my dream blow up in my face. Panic seizes me. What if that’s what this is with Ezra? A dream, and once I achieve it, I hurt him?
“Lorelai, do you love him?”
“I do, but what if it’s just like my job? I wanted to be a vet and—”
She shakes her head, silencing me. “Excuses. So many excuses with you. You want this, then you want that. You’re not sure of your path, you can’t decide. Darling, stop trying to forge your path yourself. You’ll hit roadblocks at every corner. When was the last time you asked God to guide you?”
Ouch.
“Not in a while, I suppose. Not since the cabin.” Guilt washes over me as I remember what I said. Ezra and my sister encouraged me to pray, and once again, I’ve let my own thoughts shout over God’s voice for me.
“And when you spent time at the cabin alone, how did you feel?”
I chuckle. “At peace, actually. For the first time in a long time, I could take a breath. Relax and exist in a moment without stressing about what came next. Unfortunately, I can’t just hole up in a cabin in the mountains forever.”
“Sometimes we need a reset. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’d encourage you to prayerfully consider what it means that there will be many times you will be separated from Ezra, and explore how deep your love for him goes. If it’s lasting, find away to make it work. Love has so many sweet and easy moments, but often it takes work. You have to choose to work through the rough parts, lean on God, and plow through. If you can’t lean on God to help you choose your career path, then how can you do it to work through a marriage that is constantly put to the test?”
“What are you saying? Should I not marry him if he asks? Or sit around and wait for months between seeing him?” My fingers are sticky from macerating a cinnamon roll, but the very thought of not having him in my life for the long term makes a knot of anxiety form in my chest.
“Who says you can’t go with him?”
“Go with him? To where?”
“Wherever he’s stationed once he finishes school. It isn’t as if he’ll be in a war zone twenty-four seven. He’ll have a duty station, and I assume after love comes marriage, and after marriage comeslivingwith one another.”
Well, yes. That seems to be Ezra’s plan considering what he said in the letter and what we discussed over the phone. “We’ve been dating for a little more than ten weeks, and even then it’s only been through letters. I’m so confused by all of this, but yes, I do love him.”
Rose laughs again. “Honey, I could spend all day telling you how it was back in the olden days, but I won’t bore you. Don’t put time restrictions on God’s plan. Hemadetime. Let Him set the schedule. You just tell that boy how much you love him, and he’ll take care of the rest. Let him be a man willing to protect and provide for his future wife. Trust me.”
Rose stands to help a customer entering the shop, leaving me with a lot to think about.
But one thought screams loudly in my mind, drowning out all my insecurities. The thought ofnotbeing with Ezra scares me more than moving to be with him, waiting for him when he’s deployed, wherever it might be.
