Page 13 of The Trauma Response
I whine because I’ve been doing that a lot lately, and throw the sponge back into the water with enough aggression to fling suds into the air. “I hate it. Ihateit.”
Cai’s eyes dart between me and the sink full of water. “The sponge?”
“No!” I cry. “I hate that I can barely feel the water, that the sponge feels like wet sand, and nothing else I touch feels like it should. I can’t just relearn how things feel! I can’t forget how the same, everyday things I used to feel only three months ago are so different now.”
He doesn’t point out that I still have feeling in one hand. It isn’t like I can’t feel those things at all, but like a festering wound, I can’t stop picking apart what Ican’tdo. It’s something I can’t explain to Jackson or our parents. Even Deni seems to be annoyed with me at times, but a person can’t simplyturn offtheir memories. A sponge is supposed to feel like a sponge. Water is supposed to feel like water. And the thousands of other things I touch in a day are supposed to feelright,not all wrong.
Caius, who never really understood personal space, is in mine before I finish my sentence. He slides his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close into a hug. “It’s okay. I understand.” He rubs up and down my back and squeezes me. “Go sit and relax. I’ll wash the dishes.”
Despite the warm and comfortable feeling that surrounds me from being in his arms, I sniffle and push away. “No. That’s ridiculous. You’ve done so much already. I should be able to manage a few dishes.” Ignoring his request, I turn around and dive back in. With everything I have, I work to convince myself that this is normal. I can do this. I’ve treated traumatic chest injuries, performed open-heart surgeries, and saved lives. I can wash the stupid dishes even if I can’t feel the sponge properly withbothhands.
I ponder the difference between the sensation in my fingers. Maybe most of them are numb, but I mostcertainlycan feel Caius move behind me and wrap his arms around me. His hands meet mine beneath the water, and his soft breaths tickle my cheek. He grapples with the sponge but gains enough control over it and my hand to help me.
“This might sound insane, but try to focus more on the task than how it feels. You’re not here to feel the water or the dishes, but to clean them and move on to the next thing.”
I swallow my nerves and nod. “It’s not that easy, Cai. What should be a simple task feels monumental.”
“It’s a good thing you’ve always been great at tackling the monumental tasks in life. You still can. You’re the same person,” he whispers, his breath tickling my ear.
“You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about me these last few years.”
“Yeah, I do know that. You were the most constant and steady person I knew, and I can’t see any way someone like that can change completely.” His chest rumbles with each word, wrapping me in a closeness I haven’t felt in a long time. Three months to be exact. Not since I last saw my ex-boyfriend, the very one who broke up with me over the phone the night of the accident. I haven’t spoken to him since.
I look down to see the dishes are done. Caius distracted me long enough for me to finish a task mostly on my own, with his guidance, and a small nugget of satisfaction shines a tiny light on the darkness. I showeredandsort of did the dishes today.
And got way,waytoo close to a man who still seems to know me too well. A shiver shoots down my spine and he steps back, almost as if he only just realized how close he is. He drips water all over my kitchen floor for a moment, simply staring at me, then he shakes his head and reaches for a towel.
“Sorry, I’ll clean this up.” His cheeks are flushed.
I’m not sure what happened between us a moment ago, but it doesn’t help my already delicate mental state. I watch while he wipes up the water and drapes the towel over the sink to dry. Now that I’ve cleaned up and the house is in some sort of order again, there’s really no reason for him to be here.
“Thank you for stopping by. You can tell my brother you succeeded where he failed,” I say.
He smiles and leans against the counter. “Good to know. I have an idea. Want to go for a ride with me? I’ll buy you something fun.”
“You mean on the death trap on wheels? No thank you. One devastating accident in a lifetime is enough for me.”
He grins. “Nah, it was raining this morning so I took my car. You’ll be safe and sound while I feel boxed into a little prison on wheels.”
I haven’t left my house in a couple of weeks, and now that I’m clean, I can’t deny that I want to see something more than the dead plants and floral wallpaper of my home. Besides, going somewhere with Caius is safe. I think.
“Come on, Whits. Spend some time with me. Let me annoy you properly.”
I groan and shake my head, sure I’ll regret what I’m about to say. “Sure, why not?”
His brilliant Cai smile spreads across his face again, making my heart stop. Ten years have perfected that smile, and I have a good feeling I’m about to find myself in a precarious position if I don’t set up some boundaries.
“Fantastic. Come on.” He offers his hand, even now ready to lead me into the unknown.
Chapter eight
Itake a chance and assume Whits still likes to read and head to Big Hair Books where my friend Chantelle has a book signing. Discovering she writes romance novels was a surprise, but I have to admit, she’s great at it. I’m not a reader, but I’ve read and loved her stories. Okay, I’ve skimmed them if I’m honest, but I did put forth the effort, especially after Jude sang her praises.
Whits is quiet and stares out the passenger window as we head into town, but at least she left the house without me having to throw her over my shoulder, dodging her kicking and swatting. I can’t pretend to know much about her these days, but I hope that fighting spirit is still in there, ready to work for the bright future I know she still has.
“So tell me about what life has been like since college,” I say.
She turns to face me with a meek smile. “Oh, you know. Just work. I didn’t have time for much else. My only friends are my brother and Deni, and one nurse, Farrah, I worked with at the hospital, but other than that, I’m basically a homebody. What about you?”
