Page 20 of The Trauma Response
She wanders around a little, never trailing too far. There’s nothing I want more than to hold her in my arms, but a guy can’t merely make that sort of move without building up to it. I know that, but my body seems to think otherwise. Without thinking, I offer her my hand. Whits glances from my hand to my face and back before accepting it. I tug her close and turn her around to lean back against my chest. Together, we stare up at the sky, admiring God’s handiwork. She snuggles deep in my embrace and sighs, which I can only hope means she is absolutely content.
For me, time stands still. I’m that scared teenage boy all over again, only now I have the girl in my arms. It feels like the perfect moment to whisper in her ear, tell her that I’m positive those old feelings I once had for her are alive and well. But I can’t. She’s wounded, still healing emotionally and physically, and taking advantage of her vulnerability right now would be a jerk move. Instead, I lean in and squeeze her tighter.
“Better head back. It’ll get really cold up here, and it’s getting late. You probably still need rest.”
She chuckles. “I severed nerves, Cai. Rest won’t help that.” She’s not angry, but I still sense a tinge of bitterness. It wasn’t my intention to remind her that life isn’t quite as perfect as she’d like, but the truth is still the truth. The sooner she comes to terms with this change, the better off she’ll be. But I’m not a monster. I don’t expect her to suddenly be sunshine and rainbows after one enjoyable day spent out of her house.
“I know, but you promised we could hang out. You gotta be well rested if you want me to take you to do all the fun things.”
She turns in my arms and looks up at me with her hands pressed against my chest, testing my resolve to keep my lips to myself.“Allthe fun things? What might that include?” She pushes up slightly on her toes.
I freeze. I mean, I’m a firefighter. I’m not easily caught off guard or surprised, but the way she looks up at me confuses me. Is she seeking something? A kiss, perhaps? No, probably not, but then again, why is she still in my arms, gazing up at me expectantly?
I scarcely have time to consider it further before another vehicle enters the lot, blinding us. It stops nearby, so I pull Whits to my side and squint to see if I recognize the driver. I don’t, but I see the insignia on the side of the vehicle. It’s park police.
“Good evening,” the driver says. “About to close this lot for the night.”
“Yes, sir. Just on our way out,” I say and take Whits’ hand. With that, our magical evening has ended, but I’m still thinking about that moment and what it might have meant. The entire ride back down the mountain, around the city, and back to her house, I consider every movement, every glance, every word. And I can’t make sense of it. Itfeelslike we picked up where we left off all those years ago, but even then, we weren’t sotouchy.She certainly never looked at me the way she did tonight.
The ride back is long, but I still find it isn’tquitelong enough for me to figure things out.
In her driveway, I stabilize the bike so she can get off.
“I’m good. You don’t have to get off,” she says when I reach for my key. “I’m just gonna go in and go to bed.”
“I should walk you to your door,” I argue, but she’s not having it. She shakes her head and pulls the helmet free. I flip up my visor to hear her now that the comms are disconnected.
“It’s okay, really. It’s three feet away.” She clasps Chantelle’s helmet to the hook on the back of my bike and steps back. She’s distant and short with me, almost as if she can’t escape fast enough. I can’t help thinking I’ve done something wrong, but for the life of me, I can’t pinpoint exactly what it might be.
“Uh, are you going to be okay tonight?”
“Sure. I’m going to read a little, then go to bed. When I get up in the morning, I’m gonna read some more and then meet Jackson and his wife for lunch. Why?” She tilts her head in confusion.
I’m tapping my hands on the gas tank in a pathetic attempt to stave my nerves. “It feels like I did something wrong,” I admit.
She doesn’t even say anything. Instead, she steps forward and slinks her arms around me, clasping them behind my neck. I pull her into a hug and smile when she lays her head on my chest.
“Of course not. I’m tired. It’s been a while since I’ve had so much excitement. You could never do anything wrong, Cai.” She brushes her hands over my shoulders and down my arms as she stands straight again. “I’ll see you soon?”
“Sure. Whenever you want.”
“Soon. I have lunch with Jackson tomorrow but I’m free the next day.”
“Ah, I have a forty-eight hour shift. What about after that?”
“I have a doctor’s appointment. Maybe that evening? I can let you know, but I promise I want us to hang out more. Maybe you can meet Jackson’s wife soon.”
“So what I’m hearing is that you and he won’t be ditching me for more fun college friends again?” I tease, feeling better about the situation.
She shoves me and I almost drop my bike but recover fast.
“Stop, you know that’s not what happened. But yes, it means I’m not going anywhere. I had fun tonight.”
“Me too. Go on now. Read your gooey romance books and call me when you’re free.”
“I left them at your house, remember?”
“I’m positive you have others in there. I saw them, but don’t worry, my master plan was to leave your new ones there so I’d have a reason to come bother you again.”
