Page 23 of The Trauma Response
I feel like a child under the supervision of my father, but I try to shake it off with a little smile and a nod. We head out of the neighborhood and onto the main road, and Deni chats us up. There isn’t much time for Jackson or me to comment, which is pretty par for the course. Once Deni gets started, she doesn’t know when to stop for a breath.
We make it to the restaurant and inside before she finally opens the floor for someone else to speak, but I don’t mind. I adore my sister-in-law, and any chance I get to listen to her talk about her work as a director for a non-profit organization that tutors children, I’m enraptured. She loves her work, and I get it. I felt the same way about mine, but this time there is a little sour note to it that I can’t shake. Maybe it’s because I won’t have that same passion in common with her anymore, or maybe I’m still tired from the late night with Cai. I can’t say for sure, but I’m already exhausted and ready to flop on my sofa again.
When orders are placed, we take turns talking about the interesting things in our lives. Except I have nothing better to talk about than my dead plants, my stack of new books, and one night spent out with a friend. The rest is a hot mess of me trying to figure out my life again. Each time the focus is turned to me, I scramble to find something to talk about thatisn’tabout the worst few months of my life.
And then Jackson mentions my ex. “I’m glad you got rid of that what’s his name. He was not good enough for you.”
“I remind you that he broke up with me, then I got into a horrific car accident.” I roll my eyes, wishing he’d picked literally any other topic. Any otherexeven.
Deni waves her hand at Jackson and says what I was thinking. “Maybe we talk about something else. Like what we’re going to get for dessert because this looks amazing.”
She points to a triple layer chocolate cake that will take me out for the count. But we’ve been in this noisy restaurant for an hour, talking about all of the crummy things in my life on repeat, and I’m anxious to get back home and refocus. If they want me back at one hundred percent, then I need some more time to reflect and think, to work through stuff and make new plans.
“Whew, it looks really good, but maybe to go. I’m ready to get back home,” I say, hinting that it’s been enough time amongst the people and I need to recharge my batteries.
“Tulip, we’ve been out for all of ninety minutes. I think you can suffer through dessert.”
Jackson’s attitude immediately puts me on edge. It’s barky, reeks of an issued order, and I’m not in the mood for that. There is a very real chance that I am about to overreact, but this thought occurs to me about three seconds too late and I grumble.
“Yeah, and I’m sorry if I’m still getting into the swing of things. You can’t throw me into the deep end and bark orders at me, then expect me to wiggle around like a little puppet on a string for you.”
Jackson sits back in his seat with his face scrunched up. “What? What does that even mean? All I said was that it’s been ninety minutes. You stand up for hours upon hours doing surgeries, and you can’t sit for an hour and a half with me?”
“I didn’t say that, and thanks for bringing up my failed career.” I cross my arms and let the words fall out of my mouth with all the snark of a prepubescent child.
“Well, forgive me, your highness. I forgot the world revolves around you and has to come to a screeching halt when you decide to lock yourself away for weeks at a time. Heaven forbid you look at this situation in a positive—”
“If you give me some line about positive thinking, I will reach across this table and—”
“Whoa, hang on. You two don’t yell at each other like this. Let’s take a breath and calm down,” Deni says as she places a calming hand on each of our arms. She’s the logical, rational one here, so when she stands, I’m a little worried about what is about to happen. “I’m going to the restroom. You twocalmlytalk this through, and we’ll head out when I get back, okay?” With that, she waltzes off and disappears down a long, dimly lit hallway that leads to the restrooms. Jackson and I wait a few beats before either of us speaks, which is probably a good idea. A nice cooling off period. Once I feel a little more settled, I swallow my pride and make the first move.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m frustrated that you won’t give me time to grieve in my own way, okay?”
Jackson flattens his napkin under his palm and nods. “I’m sorry, too. It’s hard for me not to fix things for you even though I know you are entirely capable of doing it yourself. You might be my big sister, but I’m still supposed to look out for you.”
“I know, and I love that about you. Your whole life, you’ve been my shadow, taking care of things I can’t. And if it wasn’t you, then it was Cai. You knew well enough to go to him, and he helped me out. All I’m asking is that you give me space to get back on track without constantly questioning my advancements.”
Jackson breathes out a long, low sigh. “You know, it’sneverbeen easy for me to fail at helping you, only to watch my best friend swoop in and make it all right again.” He shakes his head and leans forward with both elbows on the table. “I guess some things never change.”
“I admit, it is kind of nice having Cai in the picture again,” I say.
Jackson narrows his eyes and chuckles. “You spent one day with him, and I haven’t had a chance to hang out with him at all. I’d hardly say that qualifies as back in the picture.”
“Well, I think it’s a good start. I doubt he’s going to drop out of it. Besides, he even said when he dropped me off last night that he’d like to see me again. And you, too, obviously.” Yes, obviously. He meant both of the Whitmore siblings, not just me. Whatever crush he had on me back then is surely over now, and any thoughts to the contrary will probably leave me broken-hearted. Cai absolutely meant he wants to hang out with usbothas friends again.
“I’m pretty sure he’s more interested in seeingyouthan me, Tulip.” Jackson smiles and chuckles again, but it’s the sort that tells me my brother knows things I don’t…ordidn’t.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I reach for what’s left of my glass of water and sip it down to distract myself from my brother’s unwavering stare.
“Please. If he has to choose between us, he’s choosing you. Don’t worry though. I’m used to it.” His grin spreads wider.
“Did…didyouknow he had a thing for me back in high school?”
He narrows his eyes again and shakes his head. “Uh, yeah. I think even Mom and Dad knew. He was my best friend. He never told you because he was so shy. Besides, I told him I’d kill him if he messed around and broke your heart.”
I swat my brother and frown.
“All joking aside, he really was too shy for his own good back then. He liked you a lot, even tried to muster up enough courage to ask you to prom, but he chickened out and went alone, sulked in a corner all night, and went home early.”
