Page 28 of Forgetting Rafe Thomas
“Luna, we’ll come back here right after. You need some fresh air,” he insists. There is no debating him on this, not when his tone is so firm. No sense in trying, so I wipe my tears and take his hand as he leads us out into the cool morning air.
Outside, I admittedly feel better. Taking in a few deep breaths soothes me and helps me refocus and center on what’s important. We’re both here now. We both want this, and for the first time in many months, things look promising again.
He guides me down the lane and onto a beaten path that leads into a thick patch of trees. On the other side, the path drops onto the beach. I hesitate because people always seem to miscalculate steep drops, especially for their shorter friends.
Like me. I’m the shorter friend.
“It’s okay,” Rafe says. “I’ll go down and you can jump.”
“Jump?” I ask, eyes wide.
“You trust me, don’t you?”
He doesn’t know. It’s as much a probing question as ever, but I do. I trust him with everything, which leads me to one question—can I trust myself at all? I talked myself into thinking he didn’t love me enough to marry me. I talked myself into believing going to Chatswain City was best for me, but that he would never want to go. I even convinced myself to break it off with him to save us both the heartbreak.
Everything I did was wrong, and only now, looking over the edge of this drop, do I realize why that’s true. I was scared. I was afraid if I told him about the job, he wouldn’t go with me. Afraid I’d fail at the job and dragged him away from his family for nothing. Worst of all, I was afraid I wouldn’t be the best wife forhim, the best mother for our future kids, that I wouldn’t measure up to what he might expect from me.
“Okay, Luna, I need you to look at me.” Rafe’s insistent tone brings me out of my thoughts and back to him. “I’m going to catch you. I wasalwaysgoing to catch you.”
“How can you still love me?” I whimper, uncaring who hears or sees me coming apart.
He drops his hands to his sides. “I could ask you the same thing. I think we grew up together, but at some point forgot to actuallygrowup, and when we had to…well…we got scared. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, and I think maybe you felt the same?”
I nod, almost fanatically.
“Can we start over? From this point, both of us knowing we messed up, we just start clean and do it better this time like you said yesterday?”
I nod again. He shimmies down the embankment and puts both feet on the ground, securing his stance before turning around and looking up at me. He puts his arms out, ready to catch me. It’s so much more than that, though. It’s him asking me to trust that he has our future’s best interest at heart, that he is strong enough to bear the burden of my insecurities, he can accept and account for his own flaws, and through it all, we can keep growing together.
I wipe my cheeks again and throw caution to the wind. It’s not so much a jump as it is a controlled fall down the side of the embankment, but he’s there. He’s got me, and as he rights me onto my own feet, he kisses my forehead.
“See, you still got it, Pom Poms.” He winks and dodges my swatting hands.
“I still hate it when you call me that, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I missed it just the littlest bit.”
Hand in hand, we follow the shore in silence, taking in the beauty of it all. It’s quiet, serene in ways you can’t get back home, not even in Coldstone. We both needed this. It’s soothing our souls, bringing us closer to God together, and every moment feels more and more like home. Like it’s supposed to be.
When we turn and head back to the path, he wraps his arm around my shoulder. “Want me to make you lunch today?”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I really do think I’m going to need a nap, though. All of this fresh air is definitely going to make me tired after so many months stuck inside at work.”
“Me too. Good thing I have a comfortable couch.”
I don’t miss the not-so-subtle suggestion attached to that statement, but rather than tease him about it, I opt for more honesty. “I regret leaving like I did. I should have talked to you about the job and how I was feeling, but I kept thinking you should know how I felt. You should have known that I was ready to get married and start a life with you, right?” It’s a rhetorical question, but he answers anyway.
“I did know, but I was foolish too. I thought I had to accomplish certain things before we could get married. I wanted to make sure I could provide for you and give you all that you deserve, and in that race, I forgot that the most important thing you needed from me was for me to be present. To experience life with you, not race to reach some self-imposed goal.”
“In fairness, you deserve to have a career you love as much as I do.”
“Not at the expense of your happiness, Luna. I wanted…no, Istillwant you to be my wife. Showing and telling you that should have been my priority. Instead, I kept this crazy timeline to myself and never told you that was part of it.”
My cheeks warm and I realize I’m blushing. He still wants me to be his wife. This love between us never waned, not even a little. It merely got lost in the rush to accomplish goals we couldhave achieved together, but failed to do so because we were distracted by society’s standard of what it all has to look like.
“Do you think we’ll get there?” I ask, wondering if we’re actually closer to it than we think.
Rafe looks down at me and squeezes me tighter. “I hope so.”
Chapter Twelve
