Page 36 of Igniting Sparks
The moment the words leave my mouth, I want to crawl under the damn couch. Judging by the look on Braden’s face, he’s not far behind.
He leans back, dragging his hands through his hair. “Oh fuck, Mina. This changes everything.”
No. Hecan’tback away now. Not after I finally found the courage to tell him the truth.
My heart won’t survive it.
I slide my hands along his jaw, forcing him to meet my gaze. “It doesn’t have to change anything. At least you know I’m clean, right? And I’m… I’m a really good student.”
God. Now I sound borderline desperate. Which is somehow even less sexy than admitting my sexual experience is basically nonexistent.
“But itdoesmatter, beautiful.” His voice is gentle as he slides my dress back up over my shoulders, straightening me like he’s trying to fix more than just the fabric.
On the outside, I probably look composed again.
But inside, I’m a fucking mess.
Because even a novice like me understands what he’s doing. Begging off as quickly as possible and leaving me utterly humiliated.
And now? It’s time for my anger to join the party.
“So, I’m beautiful, but you don’t want me because I haven’t slept with half the town.” A few tears fill my eyes, but I blink them away.
Braden clasps my hands, giving them a squeeze. “Trust me, I want you. That isnotthe issue. You just told me you’ve had sex one time, and it was terrible. There is no way I’m going to follow that up with some drunken hookup in the garden. You deserve beautiful. You deserve special.”
“That’s what I thought tonight would be. My mistake.” I hear the neediness lining my voice and hate myself for it.
“I meanreallyspecial. Banging you on a lounger while you’re drunk and there’s a party going on? Sweets, that’s not special in any way. It doesn’t matter how much I want you right now, and I do. I’d still hate myself tomorrow.”
I get it now.
I should have kept my mouth shut. Braden would havesurmised I was inexperienced, but at least I might have gotten laid.
“You know, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” I mutter, dragging my hand under my nose as I climb off his lap.
It’s a lie, of course, one that Braden sees through.
“You do, though, or you wouldn’t have said anything.”
“So, it’s my fault.”
“Mina, this isn’t anyone’s fault. I’m just trying to be the good guy here and do the right thing with you.”
“By rejecting me? I have to tell you, sure as hell doesn’t feel right, but as long as you can sleep at night…”
I blink back tears, but it’s a fool’s effort, because they’re already sliding down my cheeks as I straighten my skirt and wipe my face.
“The sick part?” My voice shakes, but I press on. “If I’d fucked fifty guys, we wouldn’t even behavingthis conversation. No, we’d be naked, screwing like rabbits. But because I haven’t slept around, I’m being punished.”
Braden holds out his hands, begging me to understand. “Iwantto do this right. And this isn’t the right way.”
Fuck the right way.
Fuck modesty.
And fuck Braden Hammond.
He takes a step forward, but I jerk back, the hurt too fresh. “Yeah. It was a stupid idea. I’m sorry I instigated it.”
