Page 1 of Down the Aisle
Prologue: Eliza
"Shh, shh, shh, it'sokay, baby, it's okay. Mama's here. Mama's got you."
Please, God, if you are out there, please keep him asleep.
I hoped to all that was holy out there that my husband would stay asleep and my baby would remain peaceful, despite all the jostling around I was doing as I haphazardly gathered our things.
The bottle of Xanax still sat open on the counter sat open on the counter and glared at me menacingly every time I passed it in my hurry to grab and stuff last-minute items into my duffle bags. I felt judged by the damn bottle and scattered pills, which made me feel guilty about my sleeping husband on the couch.
Even though I hated him, I couldn't help but slow my steps to observe the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest to ensure he wasn't dead. I wanted him out cold—not dead. Well, actually, that was very debatable, but I wasn't a killer. It would have been very easy to overdose him and send him into respiratory distress, but my conscience kept me from crushing up more pills to spike his drink and food with.
God, maybe this is a mistake.
My body came to a halt when I caught a glimpse of our wedding picture hanging in the hallway. We were so happy, genuinely happy. Tears welled up in my eyes the longer I admired the past, and my heart clenched painfully at what I was about to turn my back on.
The adrenaline surging through my body slowly ebbed the further I looked down memory lane. My grip on the strap of the duffle bag slackened with each step down the hallway; every smile on every picture lining it chipped away at my resolve until I nearly dropped the bag. If my newborn hadn't stirred in my arms, I might've made the biggest mistake in my life by changing my mind.
His small grunt and movement jarred me back to stark reality. I couldn't cling to the past anymore, not when I had my son to live for now. He needed me. Asher deserved better than a broken home. I didn't want to raise him to walk on eggshells like me, or worse, raise him to be like his father.
Closing my eyes, I tore myself away from it all, recollecting myself and steeling my nerves to carry out my plan. A plan which should have been implemented long ago. If I hadn't been so naïve and ignorant, then maybe I would have been better off by now. But, if I'd grown a backbone sooner, then I wouldn't have Asher.
Yes, a part of me felt guilty about bringing a child into this mess, but it wasn't supposed to be like this. Things were supposed to get better,be better.
Sighing sadly, I looked down at my infant son, all swaddled up and comfortable in my arms. This was all for him, and deep down, it was for me, too.
Tightening my grip on my bag, I walked with a purpose to the front door, where I had three more duffle bags sitting.
I paused by the side table to take one last look at everything, including my husband, passed out on the couch in the living room with a fallen beer bottle by his feet.
This was it. The moment I head out the door, there would be no going back. Well, there was no going back the moment I sprinkled the Xanax into the food, but it wasreallygoing to be over once I went out the door.
With a heavy sigh, I grabbed all the keys in the bowl and walked out.
The hit of fresh air filled my lungs, causing a surge of renewed energy to pump through my body, aching my muscles with an urge to move. My body spurred into a run before my mind fully registered everything.
My car, at least ten yards away, appeared before me in a few strides, and the gust of wind from throwing the door open knocked some sense into me. Quickly, I strapped Asher into his car seat before rushing back into the house to grab all the bags. I didn't bother with the trunk because this car was temporary, and opening the trunk to shove things into it would have taken a minute too long.
Right before I climbed into the driver's seat, I took apart the keyrings and randomly threw the keys around the area, except for the key to my car. The plan was to slow him down as much as possible once he'd regain consciousness. I didn't know how long the scattered keys would slow him, but it was going to be a pain in the ass to crawl around on the ground to find and pick up the keys. We lived on about an acre of land, and I threw those keys good.
Good luck finding a needle in a haystack.
One last longing look at the house I'd spent the last eight years of my life in, and I gave it a bittersweet farewell. The crunching of gravel filled my ears as we drove off down thedriveway. Every crackle zipped straight down to my heart, cracking it until the tears spilled over uncontrollably.
Ten years. Almost half of my life. Gone, just like that.
It hurt so much, and a part of me wanted to spin the wheel around and bust a U-turn back to the place I used to call home. But I kept strong, death gripping the wheel until my fingers tingled and cramped.
Turning back now would be a huge mistake; I might as well be gambling with my life if I were to walk back through the door now.
So, for the sake of remaining on this earth and Asher's life, I pressed on through the two-hour drive to my friend's house.
Thankfully, the drive was smooth. No one was on the road, probably because it was 2 AM, so I might have broken the speed limit quite a bit. I should probably be more thankful there weren't any cops on the lookout tonight. I really would have been screwed if I had gotten pulled over.
The second I pulled into my friend's driveway, a figure shot up from the porch and ran over to the driver's side of my car, throwing the door open. "Oh my God, you actually did it." Eve greeted me with the most elated smile. A smile so big I thought her lips would rip.
Pulling me out of the car, she suffocated me with a hug. "I didn't think you were actually going to go through with it, no offense." She chuckled dryly after pulling away. "But I'm so happy you didn't dip again." Smiling at me sympathetically, she wiped my tears away. "Everything will be fine. You are doing what's best for you and Asher, and everything will get better with time. I know it's hard, but good and right things are never easy."
Exhaling deeply, I forced myself to smile and nod in hopes of faking myself into a better mood. "Is everything still ready?" I asked, looking around warily to make sure no neighbors were being nosey.
