Page 14 of Down the Aisle
I was setting myself up for failure. There was no way anything good could come from any of this. I mean, how would I even begin to tell him the truth if, or when, the time came?
'Hey, so my name isn't actually Eliza Huyen, I'm a total loser because I let my ex-husband abuse the shit out of me, who by the way I ran away from in the middle of the night, and I am now hiding from. Oh, and I'm still technically and legally married.'
Like that conversation would blow over well for anyone.
I had to keep my head low, dating right now was not an option. I couldn't bring myself to reject Adam. Stringing him along wasn't any better, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't lethim go. I couldn't give up the way he made me feel, but letting him closer wasn't an option either!
Letting out a frustrated groan, I gripped and tugged at my hair, hoping the pain would kick some sense into me. Of course, that did nothing but give me pain without the sense. "Oh my God, why am I like this?" I asked no one in particular. Well, Asher did look at me with a confused look for a moment before going back to chewing on his toy.
Huffing to myself, I plopped down on my couch with a pout. "Why did I think starting over would be easy?" In hindsight, it was.
In hindsight, it should've been, but that was before all the nuances and paranoia set in. I didn't have to worry about Asher and school right now, but he only had a few years left before I had to send him. Sure, homeschooling was an option, but I couldn't be doing that while busting my ass to make sure we had enough money for bills and food. The fear of James finding us once he went to school, made friends, and spread his wings kept me up into the late hours of the night more often than not. What if James just showed up and kidnapped Asher? What if he just showed up at the school, picked Asher up, and took him back to Idaho?
The soft thumps of Asher's thundering steps made me peer up at him. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of my chunky man barreling towards me and then hugging me. "Mama?" He was so young but so in tune with me. He probably didn't have a lick of an idea about the situation, yet he worried over me.
Asher had always been so sweet and intuitive. I mean, I didn't know how his little brain was wired, but ever since he became more and more aware, any time he saw me frowning or crying, he'd instantly run over to comfort me. I had to be doing something correctly with him then, right?
"Oh, baby." I forced a laugh through my budding tears. "Come here." With a strained groan, I picked up my heavy toddler and held him tightly with a growing smile. "I love you so much, baby."
And the sweet moment lasted two seconds before he squirmed with a whine, meaning he wanted to be free to do whatever his mind was on now. So, with an amused chuckle, I set him down, watching as he waddled off to his pile of toys.
Resetting myself with a deep breath, I picked my phone back up to reply to Adam.
The drink was so good. I usually like sweet coffee drinks, so this is perfect. Thank you :)
Also, I don't have work today, but I want to spend time with Asher today and just try to unwind. I hope you understand.
Good to know for next time lol
And hey, don't worry about it, you enjoy your time with Asher. Tell him I said hi :)
Of course, Adam being a good sport about it all didn't help. I mean, who allowed this man to be such a golden star? Like, God, why couldn't you make him snap at me? Send a red flag my way! Something!
I needed this man to be less perfect, like yesterday, so I could drop him like a brick into the ocean. Seriously, life was not fair to me. Granted, it hadn't been for a while, but this whole placing Adam in my life was just beyond cruel.
Letting out a drawn-out groan, I stared up at my ceiling for a long moment before shooting up from the couch, startling Asher. "Sorry, baby," I chuckled with an apologetic smile.
Warming my smile up, I bent down and reached out for him. "Come on, bud, let's go to the park."
Asher instantly perked up and scrambled over to me with a toothy grin, tackling me in a hug and squealing. Again, I didn't know if he fully understood or if he just took my open arms as aninvite, but either way, it was too cute, and I wanted to give him a little credit. Maybe he was starting to understand. I mean, kids did grow smarter by the day.
Grunting softly because my damn kid felt like a sack of rice, I picked him up and got him into the stroller. Then, I grabbed the prepped bag and left.
Ten-ish minutes of walking later, and we made it to the park in one piece. Asher was still too small and young to enjoy the whole park, but he always had fun running around, climbing what structures he could, going down the slide (with my help), and swinging on the swings.
Wonderful little moments like these always tugged at my heartstrings. I couldn't help the thoughts of Asher growing up from fluttering through my mind. Soon, he wouldn't want to go to the park anymore, nor would he ever be this carefree toddler again. All the smiles and giggles right now, they were only now and never after. These were the moments I would miss, but they were also the ones that made me appreciate motherhood.
It really was special, and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.
Capturing these moments on my phone didn't do them any justice, but it was the least I could do to preserve the memories.
Everything was perfect for a long while until Asher decided to go rogue. "Asher!" Of course, my clumsy ass managed to trip on thin air when I went after my speedy toddler.
"Wait!" I paid no attention to the sting on my cheek from my face plant, nor the dirt in my mouth as I struggled to chase after him; I was too worried about my son crashing into someone or something—or, God forbid, a car.
My racing heart stilled with warmth at the sound of a familiar voice. "Whoa, there, bud!" A sense of relief and security blanketed me when my wide eyes caught sight of Adam holding a giggling Asher in his arms. "Where's—"
His worried face instantly relaxed and brightened when his head did a quick sweep, and his eyes landed on me. One look at his face as his sharp eyes locked onto mine, and you'd probably think he'd won the lottery or something. "Eliza." And that billion-dollar smile made me feel like someone important.
