Page 38 of Down the Aisle
Something in his eyes ticked as he ran a hand across his jaw. "After we have a very long conversation, yes," Adam bit back with gusto, sinking his darkened eyes deep into mine. "Better start thinking of a safe word."
Gulping involuntarily, I shivered again in my seat. God, this man would be the end of me, I swear. We hadn't done anything, yet I was already clenching in anticipation, something I hadn't done in so long.
Fuck, when was the last time I got turned on by a man without a drop of alcohol in my system? Usually, it took a lot of booze and fantasizing about anyone other than James to get me in the mood. Of course, I couldn't even be bothered to try most of the time because there was no point. I wouldn't enjoy it either way, so why try? It's not like it'd change the outcome or his treatment of me afterward.
So, it was refreshing to feel aroused around Adam—naturally aroused. I hadn't admitted anything to him, but there had been nights when I thought about my desire for him guiltily—especially since we'd spent quite a bit of time around each other throughout the weeks.
Having him around on a near-daily basis chipped through my resolve, and I couldn't really imagine a day without him. It was more than lovely to wake up to breakfast by him, come home to his and Asher's smiling faces with dinner ready, and go to bed with his comforting presence embracing me protectively.Honestly, I haven't been this happy in so long, and I didn't want it to end.
If being with Adam is a mistake, then at least it'll be a good mistake for a while.
I still hadn't found anything wrong with Adam, besides the fact he had too much time on his hands and was a bit of a homebody. Granted, I didn't exactly take a deep dive into his background, only a surface-level media search on Google and the web. The only things that had come up about him were various articles about his businesses, some news articles about his little escapades, and kind of typical rumor mill shit. There wasn't anythingbadabout him, besides a few misdemeanors for disrupting the peace with his parties and whatnot. No murder or hard crime scandals that I could find, so he had to be mostly safe.
Needing to get out of my head, I set the tablet down, reached over the table, and grabbed Adam's hand to get his full attention. "Are you going to get mad at me if I do use my safe word?" Better to know before it happened, so I could mentally prepare myself for a worst-case scenario.
Adam physically reeled back at my question, staring at me quizzically as if he was waiting for me to go, 'Ha, just kidding' or something like that. When I offered nothing but a confused look in return, he sighed heavily with a shake of his head. "Mia rosa, no, never, and no proper partner should ever get upset at you for using your safe word. It is there for either of us to use if anything becomes too much or crosses into some unknown territory in which we feel the slightest discomfort." His heaving breaths increased the more he spoke until he was raking his fingers through his dark tresses.
Warily, I watched his jaw clench after a click of his tongue with a bated breath. I nearly jumped out of my seat when he lurched forward and grabbed my face. "The only thing I will everget upset at you for is if youdon'tuse your safe word when I cross a line, or you feel uncomfortable." His eyes narrowed sternly. "That word is there for your safety and well-being, so don't you ever hesitate to use it. If you abuse it, then that's a different story, but I'd rather you use it more than needed as opposed to letting me think everything is fine and inadvertently damage our relationship."
A deep breath in, and his whole body relaxed. Pulling me forward a little, he leaned his forehead against mine. He kept us like that for a moment as he took in some more drawn-out breaths. "Promise me that you will never hesitate, not even for a nanosecond, to use your safe word if such a moment comes," he demanded in a firm but soft voice. "Promise me that you will use it and that we will talk it over after I'm done fretting over you. I need to be able to trust that you’ll to use it, if this is going to work between us."
My cheeks ached with how wide my lips spread in a reassuring smile. A soft caress of warmth bathed my whole body from head to toe when I settled my hands over his as I nodded in response. "I promise." Surprisingly, my words came out confident despite my churning stomach, which made my heart tumble around in my chest.
The paranoid side of me wanted to doubt him, pick at him until he'd inevitably snap, but I wasn't having any of it. I didn't want to listen to a single whisper from my overly cautious self, the one that constantly screamed at me to have no life and be a damn hermit with Asher. It was nothing but a buzz kill, honestly. I mean, it had its uses, but regarding Adam, it felt stunting rather than beneficial.
Intense heat pricked at my cheek as his thumb brushed against it tenderly. "And promise me that you will always communicate with me, not that you've had many issues as of yet, but there will be uncomfortable subjects and topics that youmight become hesitant about." A playful chuckle left his shaking head. "And as I said before, I'm no mind reader, and I always overthink when it comes to you. So, I really need you to tell me one way or another. I don't care if it's a few short sentences or words strung together haphazardly, or hell, you could write it down on a piece of paper or through a text. I don't give a shit, as long as it gets through to me clearly."
Chuckling, I nodded my head with a sure smile. "You really are a saint sometimes, you know that?" Kinda fitting since it was his last name.
Adam's shoulders shook with his amused laugh. "Well, I mean, when I want to, I can be a saint," he joked between his laughter.
For some odd reason, I couldn't fully join his amusement. All I could offer in return was a half-hearted laugh as my wariness picked apart the flash of irony I saw in his stony eyes.
Then, I found myself saying something a little out of character. "Well, as long as you're my saint, then I don't care whether or not you are to others." Okay, maybe it wasn'ttooout of character.
Before I was beaten and battered into a shell of myself, I had quite a bit of spunk in me. I might not have been the snappiest person or the best at comebacks, but I was petty enough to give a nice, backhanded compliment every now and then. Also, I'd hadsomeconfidence, or at least enough to have friends and boys chasing me.
That part of me had been hidden for so long that I was surprised to find it peeking its head. To be honest, I thought it was dead the day James carved me up. Or maybe it had died, but Adam's patience, understanding, and unrelenting attention had worked a miracle and brought it back to life
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't back to my full self or anything, but I'd noticed bits and pieces here and there. Adam had as well,and he'd been more than a gentleman in coaxing more and more of me out.
Not to feed into his little rose analogy of me, but he was the gardener nurturing the dying flower back to life. No, I hadn't told him about that, because I knew he'd tease me endlessly about it. Besides, it'd only give him more reason to call me little rose. I wasn't bothered by his pet name for me, it just felt a little weird. The only things I'd been called were useless, piece of shit, whore, fuck sack, and whatever horrible thing James's idiotic mind could come up with that would gouge at my dying heart.
"Well then, you're my little rose, and I'm your saint." The lighthearted smile on his face sharpened dangerously with his eyes as he leaned in, brushing his lips against my ear. "But I'll be your god after tonight with how much I'm going to make you scream."
Oh, God! Oh… God…
How the hell was I supposed to respond to that!?
Holy shit, he was really going to be the death of me.
"A-Adam…!" I stuttered through my shock, lightly smacking his shoulder. "We're in public…!" As if I hadn't just brought up a whole conversation about safe words and the BDSM lifestyle.
Chuckling, he huffed a hot breath against my ear before pulling away. Situating himself properly in his seat, he smiled innocently at me. "I really advise you don't skimp out on the food." Then, for a split second, his eyes gleamed with lustful cheekiness. "You're going to need the energy."
"Don't act like you're going to go for more than an hour," I snarked, rolling my eyes.
Pump, dump, and done. That's how it always went.
