Page 68 of Down the Aisle
"Not too early for our little chunkers," Adam mused with a tired chuckling groan of his own.
God, it was still a little weird to hear Adam refer to Asher as our kid or his kid. I didn't have any problems with it, and it didn't bother me, honestly. It was a little bit of an adjustment still, and it was more of a personal thing for me.
Adam accepting Asher and treating him like his own child kept the problem about James and my personal life at theforefront of my mind. Yes, I could continue to lie to both Asher and Adam for the rest of my life. I could very well lie to Asher about his biological father when or if the time came when he'd question me about him; it wouldn't be hard to tell him his father died or left him. The only thing that would eat at me is my own conscience.
Now, as grand as that plan was, it'd blow up in an instant if James showed up out of the blue. Banking on him forgetting me or letting me go was a long shot, considering how much of a control freak he was. Also, updates from Eve thus far made that belief scant. James was very actively searching for me; he still posted missing posts on social media, playing the heartbroken husband. It sickened me so much to see the shit he put out to the world knowing the truth about him.
All the tears he shed were nothing more than crocodile tears. Those heart-wrenching sob stories were as fake as his expressions. Nothing was real, yet everyone fell for his pathetic acting. Seeing it all was enough to make me want to drive my ass back to Idaho just to strangle the life out of James after making him make a public confession to all the horrors he'd put me through the past ten fucking years.
Unfortunately—for me, not him—I was the better person. No, I haven't forgiven or forgotten; I probably never will if I were honest. All those years of being beaten down to nothing, to where I saw myself as less than dirt beneath everyone's feet. James tore every part of me to shreds. Emotionally, mentally, physically, everything.
A wave of sentiment consumed me, choking my breath in my throat and causing my eyes to sting with the welling tears. Throwing my arms out, I coiled them around my son with a sad but grateful smile. "I love you so much, Asher," I spoke into his belly, making him laugh from the ticklish sensation.
Thank you.
My gratitude for Asher was something I'd never be able to put fully into words. If it weren't for my baby boy, then I'd probably never work up the nerve to leave James unless it was in a body bag.
I knew it wasn't healthy to bank on my boy, to do everything and live for Asher, but that's all I could do right now. As long as Asher turns out to be a good man years from now, then I'll be more than content with my life.
But how can my son be proud of me when I'm a fat liar?
The thought threatened to flip my smile upside down, but I forced it to remain on my aching face.
How would Asher react when all the lies came to light? Sure, maybe I'd get lucky, and things stay buried forever, but again, I didn't know if I could take all the mental guilt.
But a mother's gotta do what a mother's gotta do to protect her children… right?
Sighing softly, I released Asher when he started to struggle and push against me. Flopping his body over to Adam, he body slammed a winded grunt out of the grown man. "Dada mum mum." He was very cute when demanding things of Adam.
Adam strained out a groan and chuckle as Asher bounced against him. "Alrighty buddy, food." He breathed heavily, recovering from being a human trampoline.
Grabbing Asher, he held the toddler still as he sat up. Then, turning his grinning face to me. "Good morning, little rose." Leaning down, he pressed a quick kiss against my lips. "Any requests for breakfast today?" he asked as he leaned back up, settling Asher in his lap.
Sitting up with a groan, I slumped a bit in my spot while rubbing my eyes. "Can I just have something light today? Maybe scrambled eggs and bacon and toast or something?" I didn't have too much of an appetite the more I thought about food forthe day, but I knew going without breakfast wouldn't fly with Adam one bit.
With a soft smile, Adam nodded in response before kissing my forehead. "I'm going to get Asher ready first," he told me before slipping off the bed with Asher in his arms. "Don't keep us waiting too long, alright?"
His face wrinkled with worry as he looked at me with a softening smile. I could hear the question churning behind his eyes. When he opened his mouth, I half expected him to ask if everything was okay or what was on my mind, but my heart eased when he shook his head and covered everything up with a quick smile. "Scrambled eggs, okay? Or any specific way you want them?" he asked somewhat awkwardly.
Smiling at him gratefully, I nodded in response. "Yeah, scrambled eggs sound perfect." Getting up myself, I stepped up to him and kissed his cheek. "Good morning, and thank you." I changed the subject to something a little more lighthearted.
Chuckling, Adam shook his head with a smile. "I already told you many times, Eliza darling, no need to thank me. I'm just doing the bare minimum." Yet, he still smiled and blushed every time I did show him gratitude.
Leaning up to my tippy toes, I gave his cheek another peck, giggling with a grin as I walked away to the bathroom.
Honestly, besides all the mental games I played with myself, everything was perfect. If there was a fairy godmother out there or some miracle worker willing to give me that one performance, then I'd very much appreciate their appearance in my life right about now. I wanted to wish away my past life and have it stay buried for the rest of my life and beyond.
I didn't want to worry about James anymore. Hell, I shouldn't be worrying about him popping his head around the corner any day now; I shouldn't be looking over my own damn shoulder every minute of each day. I didn't want to worry aboutAsher's safety when he'd start school. The fear of James finding us and whisking Asher away from school one day constantly gnawed at the back of my mind.
Sighing heavily, I leaned over the bathroom sink, staring at the marbled pattern to help settle my growing nerves.
I need to tell him…
Glaring at my reflection, I mentally scolded myself for being a damn coward over the whole situation. I needed to rip the bandage off before it got too saturated and messy. Adam needed to know the truth sooner rather than later. He deserved to know who he was with. Besides, the sooner I tell him, the easier it'll be. If I continued to drag things out, then we'd fall deeper in love with each other, so it'll hurt so much more to uncover everything later down the road.
But what if he leaves me? What about Asher?
Could I do that to Asher? He finally had a male figure in his life, and even though he was young, having an unstable life when it came to personal relationships wasn't a healthy thing.
