Page 46 of Saving Little Jenna
"I want you to know that I trust you," she said, looking up at me with her face buried in my chest. "I trust you more than I trusted anyone in my life. I didn't have a great childhood and my parents didn't love me. I was born in a cult where child neglect and cruel rituals were the norms, all in the name of pleasing Satan. I was the oldest of eight children, which meant I was constantly getting punished. They wanted to make an example out of me. I was supposed to lead by example but I was defiant, obsessed with going outside and learning everything about the outside world. My parents went out of their way to show their hatred towards us. Doing bad deeds and cruel rituals were their way of praying to Satan.
"However, they would've hated us even if they weren't part of the cult. They used to drug us so we wouldn't run around laughing and playing, or maybe they just didn’t want to do parenting since it was hard work. So most of our young years were spent drugged up and sleeping day and night. They had to stop it when they messed up the dosage and accidentally killed my youngest sister."
My eyes widened in horror, but her face was void of emotions. She must've gotten used to such horrors but losing a sibling was a big deal. Just as I thought, Jenna's parents were monsters responsible for robbing her of a happy childhood. Some people just weren't meant to be parents.
She stared into the distance in silence before continuing. "That was the turning point since it made me realize the rest of us would die one after the other if we didn't escape. As part of a satanic ritual, they'd lock one of us for weeks together in the dark basement, hungry, thirsty, and on the verge of death. I volunteered whenever I could because I didn't want my siblings to suffer. It meant I was grossly underweight most of my life. My worst fear came true when my youngest brother died of starvation a few hours after being freed from the basement. The young are too fragile to bear such starvation."
She stared at the wall in silence as tears formed in her eyes. "But the rituals continued and I found myself volunteering to stay in the basement every time. I couldn't live with myself if I lost another sibling just because I was too greedy. I was sure I would die in the basement, but soon Miles, my oldest brother, was old enough to willingly take the burden upon himself. All I think about these days is going back for them, but I can't since getting caught would mean certain death. All this unnecessary suffering might sound strange, but it had become our reality."
Blood boiled in my veins. "You should go to the police. Two dead siblings are enough to put them behind bars for the rest of their lives."
"There's no evidence Adam and Lily ever existed. No birth records, no nothing. They were born there and they died there without ever stepping outside."
"It doesn't make any sense." I rubbed her back gently as she began to sniffle. "Why wouldn't they let you play outside?"
"The leader of the cult made all the rules. Who knows what was going through his mind, but he wanted to keep us under control. He believed knowing about the world only made children want to leave the cult. It was why we had only the very basic education."
I made a mental note to come up with a plan. I had to free Jenna's siblings at all costs and as soon as possible.
"I had a nightmare last night that I was back in the basement. The longest I was there was for several months, put there because I'd been caught trying to learn about the outside world through books that my cousin had given me in secrecy. Every time I was in there, I'd come out obedient as a dog and it was exactly what they wanted. The possibility of running away and then being locked away in the dark basement for years when caught was high. The basement took away my will to live, let alone my will to run away. However, the longer I stayed out, the likelier it was that my desire to leave returned. Gaining access to the internet in recent months led to learning about age play and falling in love with films. They only strengthened my will to leave. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if my oldest brother wasn't protecting the young ones. He's stronger than me, but there's only so much anyone can take before they break. Is this too much for you to hear all at once?"
"No, it just makes my blood boil that someone could be so cruel to their own kids. There's an occasional story of a cult escapee but it never occurred to me that you might be one."
I threw my arms around her and lay soft kisses on her face. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that, sweetheart. When you're ready, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional. Such traumatic events continue to haunt one long after they have passed. I'm glad you got out when you did. It was such a brave decision to make considering you had never been outside. Yes, Jenna. You were very brave for putting up with their bullshit for so long. What made you leave at the end?"
"That's for another time," she said quietly. "I'll tell you soon. Telling it all at once might be too much for you to handle. You're strong, but you're only human, Daddy."
"Soon, then." I nodded and she hid her face back in my chest. "I don't want you to relive your traumatic memories for the rest of the day. In fact, don't think about them at all until you see a therapist. Until then, let Daddy do all the worrying. Don't fear for your siblings' safety either. John and I will come up with a way to get them out safe. Meanwhile, I promise you that whoever you're running away from isn't going to take you away from me. No one can. As long as I'm alive, you won't have to spend another minute locked up in a dark basement."
The trauma was too big for her to listen to her Daddy. She had already drifted off deep into her thoughts, a frown on her face as she stared at the wall in silence, probably blaming herself for the death of her two siblings. Coming to terms with the death of a loved one was a lifelong process.
I was a strong man and nothing could make me cry, but the image in my head of a young Jenna locked up in a dark basement for months like an animal was too traumatic even for me. If it was someone else, I would've just been angry at the state of the world. But now I was devastated, and scared for her well-being.
"So how did you kill time in the basement?" I asked when she looked up at me, her face still blank and lacking emotions.
As she was reliving her memories, she had teleported back in time and place. Now she was going through the same numbing feelings as being locked up in a basement back then.
"I don't want you to think I'm crazy, but the mind makes up a whole new world in the absence of light and sound. There were times I would go riding a bike outside or swimming in a lake. My favorite things were going to school, making friends, and playing catch with a dog, all of which were things I'd only seen in a book. It all felt so real, just as real as you are, Daddy. So real I might as well have done them instead of imagining. Maybe it was just a way for the mind to keep its sanity, or a coping mechanism to prepare itself for the time when light and sound would return."
The same picture of young Jenna popped up in my head again. But this time she was just staring into the darkness for months doing nothing, losing half her weight and sanity every few weeks in an effort to save her siblings' lives. She truly was a saint.
"Sometimes I wonder if there's a different world where I was taken away from my parents at birth. In this world, I would grow up with a happy childhood, a normal one, one that everyone deserves to have. Then I wouldn't be broken, and I wouldn't be so scared and mentally scarred. I like to think we'd end up together even in such a world, and there you would truly have the girl you deserve. A Jenna who doesn't have past trauma as baggage. I wish I could be that Jenna for you, but this is what you have to settle for, Daddy, and for that I'm sorry."
I had to be strong for both our sake, but I couldn't help it when tears formed my eyes. Jenna thought something was wrong with her and it was heartbreaking. Knowing what I did now, she was still my precious baby girl.
"Aw, don't cry, Daddy." She stuck her lower lip out in a pout and wiped my eyes. "I'm right here with you. You have nothing to worry about."
I blinked my tears away and smiled, booping her on the nose. "I'm supposed to say that, Little one. Don't you dare think for a second that something's wrong with you. Your uncle John always says Michael is naughty but he wouldn't change a thing about him. Now that I'm a Daddy myself, I know how that feels. While you see weakness and fear, all I see is courage and kindness. I see a girl willing to sacrifice her life for her siblings. Your parents weren't familial role models, but you were, sweetheart. I called you my brave girl before I even knew all this, but now do you see that I was right? You truly are the bravest and kindest girl I've ever come across. Do you still think I'd change a thing about you?"
Her chest swelled with pride and her face lit up. I wish I could see her face in such joy at all times, but just as I was afraid, she spent the rest of the day reliving her time in the basement. She'd be building a block tower but she'd be so lost in her thoughts, she would be frozen for minutes at a time, remembering where she was and resuming play only when I called out her name to snap her back to the present. Halfway through building blocks, she gave up and switched over to watching TV, probably because it was easier to hide that she was lost in her thoughts. Even now she was concerned about not distressing me, which said loads about the sweet girl she was. She simply was too good for me.
I hoped that with therapy, she'd learn how to cope with the sea of emotions she'd bottled up inside for so long. Until then, a Daddy's unconditional love would have to do. I was extra loving to her that day. Giving her hugs and kisses to constantly keep bringing her back to the present. For lunch, I made her favorite meatloaf, just the way she liked and with no vegetables on the side. In the evening I let her have as much ice cream as she wanted, but she only had one scoop.
I couldn't help but regret the way I had punished her for pranking Kristen. Sure, it had scared me to death that Jenna's life was in danger from a gorilla attack. I couldn't bear to think she must've drawn a parallel to the way her parents had punished her. I would have to come up with punishments that had nothing to do with pain, and something that was more on the fun side, something like playing in her room alone or no cartoons. She'd had enough punishments for a lifetime and it was time she was compensated.
It was every Daddy's worst nightmare to see his girl in so much mental anguish, but it was comforting to know that she'd get better once she started therapy and once her siblings were free. It would also help to have a proper funeral for Adam and Lily, with just her siblings and me present. She needed some place to visit and remember their lives.
At least now I knew the worries that had been haunting her since we met. Now I could do something about it instead of watching her suffer. I vowed to never stop until she and her siblings were as healed as humanly possible. Then I had to concentrate on getting them back on track with their education and helping them settle in society.
