Page 6 of Saving Little Jenna
It was concerning how Clark had kept his conversations a bare minimum the past few days. Had he put two and two together and realized that I was obsessed with him? I'd been staring at him a lot and on multiple occasions, he’d caught me checking him out. He'd politely smile at me and I'd smile back. It was rude of me to stare and people probably learned that early on in life.
Had Clark been ignoring me? It would be reasonable if he didn't want to take advantage of me. Or maybe he wasn't interested in me and wanted to make it clear. It would be understandable since I had nothing to offer him. Besides, why would someone hot and rich like Clark want a broken woman like me when he could have any woman he wanted. Unlike me, women out there were confident and secure. They were strong independent women who had a lot to offer in a relationship.
No, I couldn't fall for Clark no matter what. I had to remember that after suffering for a lifetime, life couldn't just turn nice all of a sudden. No matter how nice Clark seemed, I was nothing but a burden on him. He could never handle the fact that I was broken beyond repair. In fact, no man should have to deal with the dark past I'd been running away from, especially not someone as nice as Clark. He deserved someone normal, someone who could take care of him in return instead of constantly needing to feel protected.
My past would continue to haunt me for the rest of my life. The least I could do was not bring someone else into this mess and make them suffer along with me. Oncehefinds me,hewill erase every obstacle in his way of obtaining me. I could never watch Clark suffer for my mistake of running away fromhim. Even if Clark didn't like me romantically, I would never forgive myself if I was the reason Clark was harmed.
Yes, I should just keep my head down, be grateful for Clark's kindness and move on to a different city. I couldn't relax and let my guard down whilehewas still out there, getting closer to finding me with each passing minute.
It was silly of me to fantasize about having a happy life, especially one with someone way out of my league. It had always been a pipe dream. The way I was brought up, a normal and happy life was never an option.
Now like every other day, I paced around the living room as I waited for Clark to come home. When the front door finally opened, I rushed to greet him and tried to hide the over-enthusiasm.
"How was work?" I asked as he put the briefcase down on the floor.
"Busy." He sighed and loosened his tie before taking his jacket off. "But now that the board meeting is finished, I don't have to stay at work all day long."
I resisted the urge to stare at his beefy thighs in his tight suit pants. It was a miracle he didn't rip them in two every time he bent over. It was just as hard not to stare at his shirt, which outlined the shape of his big pecs. I was proud of my myself for not staring, for it was a sign that I was beginning to learn social etiquette. But when he headed towards the stairs I failed as I gave into the urge of staring at his shoulders. I loved the way they were broad in contrast to his relatively small waist.
"Clark," I said, swiftly moving my gaze to his face when he turned around. "I have a little something prepared for you, as a way of thanking you for all the things you've done for me."
"Oh, what is it?" He followed me into the kitchen and smiled at the beautifully arranged candlelit table. "A lavish dinner? No, you shouldn't have, Jenna. This must've taken you hours. I really don't mind helping you out."
I wondered if it was the last dinner we'd ever have. I'd been so conflicted over the past few days whether to move on to a different city or stay with Clark. On one hand, I didn't want to say goodbye to Clark, but on the other, I couldn't lethimfind me and put Clark's life in danger. If it meant never seeing Clark, it would be painful but so be it.
I led him to the table to give him a better look at all the dishes I’d prepared, the best of which was hunter's schnitzel with mushroom sauce. I had spent the better part of the day cooking but it was all worth seeing the smile on Clark's face.
"I've been cooking ever since I was a child." I took a seat and he did the same. "I had to cook for my family all my life. I know it's silly, but it's the best I could do to thank you. It's nothing compared to everything you've done for me, but I have nothing else to give you in return for the kindness you've shown me."
He shook his head and moved a couple of seats to sit next to me, placing his hand on mine and sending jolts of electricity down my spine. "Oh no, I love it. This is perfect. Money can't buy everything. I've never come home to find dinner ready. It's such small things I've always wanted out of life, along with things like waking up next to someone for the rest of my life. I haven't had much luck with women, though."
It was hard to believe that he hadn't been in happy relationships before. Women must throw themselves at him all the time. All he had to do was make his pick.
"Any woman should be lucky to have you for the rest of her life, Clark." It was painful when his hand left mine. "You're a good man."
My cheeks turned red as his eyes bored into mine. Every time he looked at me like he wanted to tear my clothes off and make sweet love to me, I found myself wet from arousal and nervous at the same time. I rubbed my legs closer together in hopes that the scent of my arousal wasn't apparent.
"The same goes for you, you know." He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair, presenting a confident posture that turned me on further. "I've only known you for a week, but good women like you are so hard to come by these days. The women in my life either wanted me for my money or my looks. Outer beauty is what attracts people in the beginning, but looks fade with time. What doesn't fade is inner beauty, and I can tell you're beautiful both inside and outside."
"Oh, Clark." My smile slowly faded as tears began to form in my eyes. "Those are some of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me. But there are things you don't know, things that would make you kick me out right this instant."
"Hey, hey." He rubbed my back in small circles as a tear ran down my cheek and it instantly made me feel calm. "You know that's not true. It doesn't take me long to know what kind of a person someone is. Do you know what I saw in you the day we met?"
I looked up at the ceiling to think before slowly shaking my head.
"I saw kindness and innocence in your eyes, but also pain and sadness." He withdrew his hand and I resisted the urge to lean into him to ask for more. "I could tell you've been through a rough life, that it made you trust no one. I also knew you were probably running away from something or someone, but not because you did something wrong. It's because you were being mistreated, isn't it?"
"I didn't have a normal childhood," I said quietly, but then the words wouldn't come out of my mouth as I burst into tears. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. I feel so silly."
"There, there." He threw his arms around me and gently patted my back. "There's nothing to be sorry about. You're a good woman but the world hasn't been nice to you. You don't have to worry about that anymore. As long as you're with me, nothing bad will happen to you, Jenna."
I wanted the dinner to be about Clark but it had taken an unexpected turn. I felt so tiny and safe in his big strong arms. As long as my eyes were closed and I could feel Clark's warm body, I was the safest I could ever be. I wiped my tears and rubbed my face in his shirt, sighing in contentment. His manly scent further added to my comfort.
I just lay there pressed up against his shirt for what seemed like minutes. When I finally pulled away from his chest to look up at him, he was staring right back at me with a smile. I turned my head away as my cheeks turned red. When I turned back to face him, he was still looking at me like I was the only person left in the world.
"I'm not gonna make this day about myself." I could feel my cheeks turn red, so I pulled away from his body and sat up straight. "This dinner is to thank you. I hope you like it."
I noticed from the corner of my eyes that his eyes were still on me. Did he like me just as much? I decided to dismiss it as wishful thinking. There was no way a hot stud like Clark would be attracted to someone as insecure and socially awkward as me. I had seen enough romantic films to know that the hero always went after the confident and independent heroine.
