Page 7 of Saving Little Jenna
When Clark took a bite of the roasted chicken followed by the hunter's schnitzel with mushroom sauce, his eyes rolled back into his head as he let out a dramatic moan.
"There's no way you haven't taken a cooking class before." He shook his head in disbelief. "Do you know how many Michelin three-star restaurants I've been to? This is some of the best food I've ever tasted."
He nodded approvingly as he tasted the other dishes and let out a few more moans. Was that how he moaned in bed too? Every little thing Clark did was a boon to my dormant sexuality. I'd been starved for way too long and only Clark could satiate my hunger now.
"There was no way to pass time growing up," I said when he insisted on knowing my secrets. "I wasn't allowed to go outside and there wasn't much to do around the house. So I spent hours upon hours reading the recipe books and perfecting every single recipe. It was supposed to be a distraction until I could go out into the world and meet new people like I always wanted."
Clark nodded. "I'm glad you got out then. Maybe you'll tell me one day all about your past life, but I can wait for you to be ready."
I badly wanted to tell him everything right then and there, but the more he knew the more danger he would be in. I wish I could tell him I was considering leaving just to keep both of us safe. I wanted us to say our goodbyes, but that wasn't possible because he wouldn't let me leave. I'd have to leave out of the blue one day and he'll never know how much I liked him. He'd probably end up blaming himself but at least he'd be safe from danger.
"What about you?" I asked, taking a bite of the Flammkuchen. "You told me you had to ask around for food in exchange for work. How did you end up here?"
"Oh, it wasn't just one thing in particular," he said before washing down his food with a glass of juice. "I'd always been determined to be successful, so I did everything in my power to move up the financial ladder. Some people derived all their happiness from family and friends, but I spent all my life trying to derive it from my career. I learned the hard way that I need happiness from other things too. Anyway, I digress. A couple who couldn't conceive decided to take me in when I was eighteen. I was an adult and yet they gave me a chance. That has to be the biggest contributor to my success. They believed in me and so I couldn't let them down. To this day, I consider them to be my parents. They were kind to me when they didn't have to, and now I try to be kind to everyone I meet."
It was refreshing to see a man who cared so much about being kind and helpful. The men I learned about from the films acted too macho to have feelings. They were jerks and women loved them for it. The men I personally knew were incarnations of evil, so I was glad to discover that not all men were the same.
When we finished dinner, Clark helped me clean the dishes. He refused to let me do it alone. Ever since I'd been living with him, he hadn't let me do a single thing around the house. He treated me like a princess and I would never forget it for the rest of my life. How could I, when it was the only time I wasn't treated cruelly?
"So have you been sleeping well the past few nights?" Clark put away the dishes while I tidied the sink. "I know it can be hard to fall asleep at a new place."
"Like a baby." I nodded and smiled at him. "I love sleeping. I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere as long as I have my thumb in my mouth and my stuffie in my arms."
My smile faded the moment I realized I had slipped up again. I had planned on thinking twice before I spoke every time, but it was so hard to learn as an adult. How did people manage to hide anything at all?
Clark froze halfway with a plate in his hand as his eyes widened in realization. He knew I was a Little!
I chuckled nervously and put on a forced smile, hoping to change the subject. "How have you been sleeping these days? I've read that working out at the gym makes you tired, so I bet you sleep like a baby too."
He nodded before putting away the plate in his hand. "I do. I workout a lot more now that I have nothing but free time."
Did Clark think I was a freak? I wasn't sure how common Littles were in the real world, but he clearly knew what I meant by the look of surprise on his face.
Our days together were numbered. Nevertheless, I was desperate for Clark to like me in what little time we had left. All the movies I had seen showed the women playing hard to get, not show off their desperation like me. If he had truly realized I was a Little, there was no point in hanging around anymore. He had probably started thinking of ways to get rid of me without being mean. Why would anyone want to live with a weirdo? Littles were anything but weirdos and freaks, but unfortunately, there was no doubt in my mind that the world viewed them as such. It didn't matter how nice Clark was. It was hard for anyone outside the lifestyle to understand or sympathize with Littles.
I excused myself before I could slip up again and embarrass myself. I headed to my bedroom and jumped up in my bed, knowing fully well that I'd replay the events of tonight in my head over and over again until they'd prevent me from falling asleep. When sleep finally came hours later, I dreamt that Clark was secretly a Daddy too and wanted me to be his Little, with us getting married in an age play themed wedding. But when I woke up the next morning, the harsh reality had set in, one that was far different from my dream. Today had to be the day I had to move on to a different city. I didn't know if it was becausehewas probably closer than I'd hoped, or if it was in anticipation of Clark kicking me out soon for being a Little, or because I had fallen for Clark and I wanted him to be safe fromhim. It was likely a combination of them all.
I looked at the clock and it was almost time for Clark to leave for office. I jumped out of bed in panic before I realized that he didn't have to go to the office for a few days. My heart stopped racing as I realized I would get to see Clark one last time before I disappeared out of his life forever. It was painful not knowing if he liked me back, but it was probably for the best. I couldn't riskhimfinding me with another man. It would only mean my life would be far more painful than it had already been. Ifhethought I wasn't a virgin anymore like he wanted me to be,hewould have no reason left to keep me alive. It wasn't a concern, though. I would leave Clark today and I was sure I'd never fall for anyone again. So my virginity would still be intact ifheever found me.
I rushed downstairs and looked around in all directions as panic set in. I badly needed to see Clark one last time so I could forever etch his handsome face in my memory. Had he already left? I walked towards the stairs looking down at my feet in sadness, walking so slow I was barely moving.
When Clark suddenly rushed down the stairs, my face lit up and I resisted the urge to bounce and clap. He looked just as dashing as the day I met him, except now he was dressed in loose-fitting clothes.
"Oh, Jenna, you're up." He patted my back before heading towards the fridge. "I'm heading out to see John, a dear friend of mine. I'll be back by lunch."
I walked up to him and stood still, studying his face and trying my best to memorize every little detail on his face. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and drank it in a matter of seconds. When he turned to find me still staring at his face, he frowned.
"Everything alright, Jenna?" He put a hand on my shoulder and I relished the moment.
"Yeah." I nodded and put on a forced smile.
All I could think was how painful not seeing his face each morning was going to be. He was the only one who had been kind to me, and for that, he would forever hold a special place in my heart.
"Good." He headed towards the front door as tears began to form in my eyes. "I'll see you at lunch. I think it's going to rain today."
The moment the door shut close, I sat on the floor and burst into tears. Those would forever be the last words he ever spoke to me.I'll see you at lunch. I think it's going to rain today.
I already knew I would replay those words over and over in my head for the rest of eternity. I was too emotional for my own good. After being starved of male attention for a lifetime, I had finally fallen for a man and I couldn't even have him. On the other hand, women my age were already on their way to their second or third boyfriend.
