Page 8 of Saving Little Jenna
A good cry was sometimes all one needed. After a few minutes of crying my eyes out, I finally wiped my tears and stood up. I had to accept that Clark couldn't be a part of my life. Being brought up in an unusual environment, I had to come to terms with several major inconveniences. Maybe I'd get used to Clark's absence with time.
Growing up, I had to assume the worst possible scenario was true in order to survive. I couldn’t trust anyone and had to assume everyone was against me because it eventually turned out to be true. While I wished I’d gotten more days with Clark, I just couldn't stay any longer. I had to assume the worst scenario to be true, that Clark's life was in danger the longer I stayed with him.
Walking over to the dining table, I picked up a note and contemplated before writing down what came naturally to me.
I wish I could stay longer, but it's time for me to move on. It's the best for both of us. Thank you for being nice to me when no one else was. Every time someone's kind to me, I'll think of you. Sorry if I was a burden. It wasn't my intention. Goodbye.
I took a deep breath and rushed up the stairs into my bedroom. I packed everything I owned and looked at the pretty clothes Clark had bought me. Deciding not to take them since they would be a painful reminder of Clark, I headed downstairs.
When I was out the front door, I resisted the urge to look back one last time as tears formed in my eyes. I still had no money on me. Clark had insisted I have some with me but I always refused. I would beg my way to the city if I had to.
After walking for hours in the direction of the bus station, I was tired and hungry. I should've had breakfast before leaving. Just as I was about to take a break, the clouds turned dark and there was a loud rumble followed by pouring rain.
I’ll see you at lunch. I think it's going to rain today.
Pedestrians rushed to take shelter but this was a rare opportunity for me. I had never stood in the rain before but always wanted to, so I did that now. I couldn't wait to tell Clark, but then I remembered I'd never see him again and sadness came over me. There were so many things to be done for the first time.
Seconds later when the downpour had turned unbearable, I joined the others in taking shelter by a shop doorway.
All my life I wanted to go outside and do simple things like standing in the rain or talking to strangers. Drenching in rain for the first time alone seemed worth all the trouble and risk of running away. Yet I wasn't sure if it was the right decision. I was sad when I wasn't allowed to leave home all my life, but I was just as sad right now. I had read the story of Plato's cave years ago, where a man chained up in a dark cave all his life is rescued, but ends up rejecting the outer world to return to live in the dark cave, for it's the only world he knows how to survive in.
There was no doubt I wasn't prepared for the real world. I just wasn't equipped to survive in it. I was so broken that I didn't even know something as simple as expressing feelings for a man I liked. Maybe it was a mistake to run away from the only world I'd ever known, one which was painfully cruel but at least I knew what to expect, and I knew how to survive it.
Chapter 4: Clark
It had only been a week since Jenna had come into my life, but I found myself increasingly attracted to her. It was futile trying to deny it or pretend I didn't want to fall for her. It felt as if I'd been waiting all my life for her to make my life better.
Every day I tried talking myself out of falling for her, but then I'd end up jerking off to the thoughts of her beautiful body pressed up against mine. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night from a wet dream about Jenna. It was a surprise considering I hadn't had a wet dream in decades.
The dinner she had arranged last night was a sweet gesture. After her slipup of sucking her thumb and hugging - in her words - herstuffie, there was no doubt in my mind that she was secretly a Little. It was also clear that she liked me. I caught her staring at me multiple times when she thought I wouldn’t notice. It was just another quality that I found amusing.
Now as I left my house and got into the car, I wondered why Jenna seemed preoccupied with something this morning. She looked like she was trying to hide immense pain. I brushed the thought aside since I didn't know anything about her past. Only when I did could I make sense of what went on in that pretty head of hers.
Jenna and I liked each other. The only question that now remained was if I was a Daddy. I knew just the person who knew all about being one, my friend John.
When I reached John's place, I rang the doorbell and within seconds, the door flew open and there was Michael on the floor, on all fours with a binky in his mouth. Michael was in his mid-twenties and John was both his Daddy and fiance.
Michael turned into a ball of energy, bouncing and clapping with excitement, turning around to look at his Daddy sitting on the couch in the living room.
Michael popped the pacifier out of his mouth to hold it in his hand and pointed at me. "Look, Daddy! Look! Uncle Clark is here."
I liked being Michael's uncle. It meant I got to give him presents and play with him sometimes. He preferred to be in his Little state most of the time, which now made me wonder if Jenna preferred the same. I had gotten into the habit of giving Michael presents every time I went over since he liked them so much. It didn't matter what I gifted him. Once I had gifted him a banana as an April fool's prank and he still loved it, showing it off to his Daddy before eating it. He just liked open presents and show them to his Daddy.
When John smiled and nodded at me, I led Michael in before handing him the neatly wrapped gift. "Look what I got for you, Michael. A present!"
"Whoa!" Michael gaped at me with big eyes and reached out for the present before shaking his head to resist temptation, looking away with a pout. "I can't accept your present, uncle Clark. I'm mad at you. I haven't seen you in months. You don't come over to play with me anymore."
I chuckled and shook my head at his dramatics. "But I come over every week, Michael. I just couldn't come last week as I had a lot of work. I've also been looking after someone who needed my help."
"Oh?" Michael put a finger on his lip and stared hard into my eyes to try and think. "So it hasn't been months since I last saw you? Well, then I haven't seen you in two weeks and that's still too long."
"I'll make it up to you by coming over twice next week." I led Michael over to the couch and took a seat as he climbed into John's lap.
Michael wiggled in his daddy's lap. "Did you hear that, Daddy? Uncle John's gonna come over twice next week, just to play with me."
"Yes, yes," John said to Michael. "We'll go over one of these weeks too. His home theater's bigger and you've always wanted to watch an animated film together."
"An animated film?" I shrugged. "I don't know, John. Do you think Michael's been good enough to earn movie time?"
