Page 24 of Love Next Door
“Girl, that man’s trying to wife you,” Kamaia declared.
“I doubt it. But I do think he’s trying to start a relationship.”
“What’s wrong with that, Bri?” Yamika asked, pulling her legs up onto her chaise lounge and wrapping her arms around them.
“Yams, you know that I’m not ready for all of that.”
My best friend released her legs, sat up, and in her raspy voice, she replied, “You gotta let that shit go. You’re giving that chump ass nigga too much power over your life. He’s gone on,and clearly, his ass ain’t even thinking about you. Yet, here you are letting life pass you by with your heart on ice. Fuck that nigga and live your life, friend!”
Tears pricked my eyes. I knew she was right, but it wasn’t that easy. We had this argument numerous times. She wanted me to move on, but I found it difficult to trust again.
We continued laughing and talking throughout the night. The guys joined us, and we all got high and drunk before we called it a night around two in the morning. I had gone to bed twenty minutes before July came into the room. I had left him out on the lanai, still talking with Thad.
When he slipped under the covers behind me, he brought with him the scent of the sand and the sea. I closed my eyes and basked in the aroma.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. It amazed me how July could always sense my moods and my energy. His fingers brushed the apples of my cheeks. He rubbed his fingers together, noting the moisture from my tears, and he pulled me against him.
I had been crying before he returned to the room as I thought about Yamika’s words. I shared our conversation with him.
When July sighed and didn’t respond, I had to speak up. “What? You agree?”
“I’m not playing with you, Abril. You know how I feel.”
I turned in his arms to face him. “I don’t.”
“You do. You only want sex. And me, . . . well, I only want you.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know you are, beautiful. I am too. We were both hurt by people we trusted.”
“What if we’re each other’s rebounds?”
“If you’re the rebound, I’m glad I missed the shot.”
I cupped his cheeks and drew closer to him. We didn’t speak. We just kissed for several long minutes. The more that mankissed me, the deeper I felt myself falling. We weren’t supposed to be this. We were only meant for a small time to take the edge off and take care of one another’s physical needs.
Yet, I could not deny what I felt when I was with him, no more than I could deny what I saw when I looked into his eyes. I loved his beautiful spirit and his ability to make me laugh. This man cared for me greatly, and I wasn’t just a fuck buddy.
July finally pushed me onto my back, and we still didn’t break our kiss. My fingers fiddled with his tank top until we broke apart, and he pulled it off. He anxiously shoved his boxer briefs off while I removed my nightshirt. Our gazes met and locked once more, and he spread my legs apart before he entered me with great care.
The way July cupped my face, brushed my lips, and rested his forehead against mine told a different story than the one I’d been telling myself. There was something in the way he slowly rose and fell within me with subtle sighs and heartfelt groans. And when he looked into my eyes again, I knew.
I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he didn’t just care for me, he loved me. That thought terrified me.
“Ohh shit, Juju.”
“Come on, baby. Relax.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You gotta give it to me.”
“No. No, I don’t.”
“Yes, yes you do, baby,” he coaxed as he nipped at my ear. The weight of his body resting on mine was comforting, but that weight pressing against my back door was anything but. I hadn’t been with a ton of men, but I had experience—except for with this.
“I’m gonna die, Juju. It’s too wide.”
