Page 38 of Shelf-Made Man
Aunt Virginia didn’t have rope, exactly. But she did have drapery tie-back cords, which made an excellent substitute and looked impressive when knotted around Alfie’s wrists. They were strong, too, and it would have been impossible for Alfie to escape if Tobias had used regular knots. However, for a short period in his early teens, Tobias had been fascinated by stage magic—which might have been an early clue about his origins—and had learned escape knots. They appeared sturdy enough but could be easily loosened with well-placed tugs.
Once Alfie was bound, Tobias made a few showy tears to Alfie’s clothing. Nothing that would expose too much skin, but enough to give the impression that Alfie had been in a scuffle. He also messed up that soft blond hair.
“You could clout me a couple of times,” Alfie suggested. “Give me a black eye and a split lip.”
“I willnot!”
“It would add to the realism.”
“Don’t care. I’m already going to have to drag you around and treat you like shit. That’s bad enough.”
Alfie shrugged and dropped the subject.
The longer they stayed, the harder it was going to be to leave. Tobias settled a hand on Alfie’s shoulder, Alfie looked up at him with a brave smile… and Tobias realized he had no clue what to do next. “How do I actually leave?”
“I don’t know. I can’t do it myself, and when the wizard transferred me I was not aware of my surroundings.”
Great. It wouldn’t do much good to Google it, Tobias guessed, and Aunt Virginia didn’t appear able to add any advice. However, he’d figured out the tracking thing on his own, so maybe he could do the same now.
As he had done in the mountains, Tobias cleared his mind and pictured a computer screen. It was blank until two windows appeared. They didn’t contain anything at first, but within a few moments one screen showed Aunt Virginia’s parlor with three figures standing inside. It was lo-res, like game graphics from the 80s, but the figures were recognizable as Tobias, Alfie, and Aunt Virginia.
The other screen, fuzzy at first, clarified slightly to reveal a wide hallway with stone walls—the type of hallway one might find in a palace, he supposed. He’d never been in a palace before, although he’d seen them on TV and in movies. This screen contained fourfigures, all of them bulky like Tobias. Trolls, presumably.
What he needed to do was move himself and Alfie from one window to the other. If life were computer programs and people were data, he’d accomplish this by cutting and pasting. So in his mind’s eye, he highlighted his figure and Alfie’s. Before he took the next step, he smiled at Aunt Virginia and squeezed Alfie’s shoulder. “Ready?”
“I suppose I am.”
“Hang on.”
Tobias imagined typing Control+X.
The ground fell out beneath them, sickeningly, like one of those drop-tower rides at an amusement park. Alfie yelped, but Tobias managed to maintain a grip on his shoulder. Aside from the two of them, there was… nothing. No light, no sounds, no sensations. They could have been in a vast starless sky or deep in a bottomless pit. It was cold and terrifying—far worse that the prospect of fighting trolls and elves.
So Tobias focused again, this time mentally typing Control+V.
He and Alfie landed with a thump onto a stone floor.
Alfie collapsed at once, moaning, and Tobias didn’t know whether he was truly hurt or putting on a show for anyone watching. In any case, at least he hadn’t turned into a doll. Tobias kept his feet, not at all disoriented or unsteady. In fact, something about theatmosphere embraced him, making him feel instantly at home.
Several very large people ran at him, their faces set in grimaces and their hands clutching knives. Tobias stood firm, straddling Alfie’s huddled form. It took absolutely no effort to snarl possessively. “He’s mine!” Tobias growled.
The trolls skidded to a halt, but they didn’t sheathe their weapons. It was weird to be surrounded by so many people his own size. But even though his heart thudded, he wasn’t afraid. A part of him was cheering, was hoping he’d have the opportunity to hit these thugs, to kick them, to tear at their flesh with his fingernails, to bite?—
Okay. That part of him really needed to chill out a bit.
“Who are you?” shouted the biggest troll, taller and heavier than Tobias. With his leather pants and tunic, as well as a giant snarl of hair that appeared to have never encountered a comb, he looked as if he belonged to a medieval motorcycle gang. Tobias could smell his breath from several feet away.
“I am Tobias.” A single name felt like the way to go here, like Pink or Cher.
“We don’t know you.”
Tobias went with the absolute truth. “I’m from the Kingdom of the Twisted River. I’ve transferred Prince Alfred back from the other world, and I intend to present him to Snjokarl. I suggest you get out of myfucking way.” The swear word was a nice touch, he thought.
The trolls ratcheted down their antagonism a notch or two. “We’ll take him,” the biggest one said.
“The hell you will. He’s mine!”
Tobias had never felt possessive over anyone before. Truth be told, he hadn’t really had a chance. But now that he was married to someone he loved, Tobias felt like a dragon guarding his hoard of gold. Trolls were, he suspected, not great at sharing. No wonder his mother had spent so much time emphasizing the importance of letting others play with his favorite toys.
