Page 23 of The Payback Plan
Paige
How are Horrible Harvey plans coming along?
Sienna
I’m still hatching a plan, but don’t worry. He’s going down. I promise.
Paige
Good. Considering he never went down on me once, I shall enjoy the symbolism of his fall.
Astrid
Ugh. Why does this not surprise me!
Paige
4
Three days later, with the weather still grim, Oliver was hiding out in the media room with Pavarotti trying to put as much distance between them and Paige’s violinpractice.He may not have been a fan of the rodent but there was no way he could expose the creature to the dreadful caterwauling that Paige inflicted on them several times a day.
She was dedicated, he’d give her that. But he was a firm believer in reaching a point in life where some things should never be attempted. That there was a window where taking up certain hobbies was acceptable and then it shut and that was that.
Like windsurfing for instance. And bungee jumping. And the violin.
Seriously, if Paige hadn’t been Bella’s friend he’d have shown her the door the morning after Pavarotti’s night-time escapades.
But, Bella…
He didn’t know what the statute of limitations was on his guilt but he had a feeling he’d never quite be able to absolve himself. Why hadn’t he spoken up in the weeks prior to the wedding when he’d been feeling more and more uncertain and avoided the total panic of that day that had led him to do such a calamitous, idiotic thing?
It had been the right thing, calling it off. On the morning of, though? And via text? That had been unforgiveable.
He’d been putting his feelings of disquiet down to nerves and the weight of responsibility he suddenly felt to be a good husband. To provide. To be the hunter and gatherer. Although God knew why – he had money and Bella had an amazing job and was independently wealthy. She hadn’t needed that from him.
All she’d needed was him to love her.
And that had been the crux of the issue. He’d been panicking about all the other stuff because that had been easier than admitting he didn’t love the woman he’d asked to spend the rest of his life with.
Not in the way she needed anyway.
He loved her. Of course he did. He still did. She was one of the best people he knew. But he hadn’t beeninlove with her. In fact, he’d known that morning he’dneverbeen in love with her.
And that she’d deserved more.
There had been a lot of conjecture in the incessant tabloid coverage about his poor marital role models what with his parents’ infamous on-again, off-again relationship and eventual divorce. And maybe they were right because Oliver wasn’t entirely sure he knewhowto love someone.
He’d been with women, had a couple of relationships that had even made it to the three-month mark. But when they’d ended as they inevitably had because he hadn’t been able to say the L word, he’d never been heartbroken. And there’d always been plenty of women who’d wanted to date a guy related to Hollywood royalty.
Maybe kids that grew up in a household fraught with marital tension never learned to be open with their hearts. Never trusted feelings to be true.
Bella seemed to understand that from the get-go. Perhaps because they’d been friends first? It certainly hadn’t seemed to matter to her that he’d never said the L word and there had been such comfort and ease in that but, as she’d said when they’d first spoken after the jilting –I just assumed you did and that’s why you’d asked me to marry you.
Which had been a fair enough assumption.
But when it came to standing up on that day in front of 400 people and, wellGod,he supposed – although he’d never been religious – in a ceremony that was all about true, deep, abiding love and solemn commitment, he’d realised he couldn’t say them.
Because he hadn’t loved Bella like she’d needed him to. And helikedher far too much to see her settle for less.
